Chapter 39: You Are The Change

The guilt consumed him, swallowed whole into a hollow abyss. Struggling for air, Ezra couldn't fathom the amount of pain he caused the human in front of him. Realization settled as he instantly disappeared from the room and reappeared within the hallways of the castle, clutching the brick siding as a crutch.

Weakness overcame his body and he could feel a wave of anxiety crash over him. That feeling was soon replaced with anger and that unbearable emotion heightened the hunger he's craved for years. Years that he had been on a blood hiatus to which he believed he was finally becoming free of the curse. However, blood was an addiction and Ezra was short lengths away from relapse. Fear of unleashing that monstrous side of him, he removed himself further away from the only walking blood bank nearby--Katerina. The thought of further incapacitating her crippled his ego.

With a low growl, the hunger seeped its way in, choosing this moment of fragility to act.

"No." Ezra snarled, leaned against the corridor. Hunger settled into a painful sting, vengeful against himself. He needed to reach the greenhouse and nourish on the herbs to calm the hunger.

With a large sigh, he lifted himself up and pushed forward to the greenhouse in hopes of burying the hunger once again. Then and only then would he be functional enough to repair the damage between him and Katerina.

Ezra reached the greenhouse and instantaneously rummages through the granite bowl mixtures until he finds the correct concoction.

"I'm sorry, flower." he whispers as he replenishes himself with the herbs. An almost instant rush of relief spread throughout his body and he succumbed to the tranquility.

Katerina paced the bedroom. For what seemed hours, she spent most of them weeping into her hands. The thoughts racing through her mind overwhelmed her with fear. Any trust she built with Ezra vanished when the truth was revealed. Entirely played upon Astrid's terms and rightfully so accomplished her goals of destroying whatever relationship building between her and Ezra.

Ultimately, the pain of the reasoning behind her mother and father's death wasn't why she was crying. Katerina accepted their untimely deaths years ago. The potential damning future that now awaited her was horrifying. Was this to be her life now? Unwillingly tied to a vampiric prince until her own death-- would he be the one the end it?

With a shiver, Katerina rubbed the swollen skin around her eyes. Even with the fearful thoughts, she still worried for him, wondered what he was thinking. It must have been just as traumatizing for him to have discovered who she was and possibly explain the terrible behavior he had towards her when they met.

Her hands quivered, kneading together in thought until she decided to leave the room on her own. Knowing the consequence of being alone in a castle of vampires, but she was concerned for the prince. Katerina swiftly made her way to the door, twisting the knob but simultaneously the door opened and Ezra stood in front of her.

The glow within his crimson eyes seemed dimmer, locking them on Katerina. For moments, neither said a word. Silence surrounded them as they only stared at one another. Ezra could hear the quickened pace within her chest, pumping blood a bit quicker as to keep up and that pleased him to know his presence still transformed her emotions in such a way.

With hesitation, Ezra stepped into the room, forcing a step back from her. The door closed behind him and they were alone.

She immediately felt apologetic, afraid of the potential punishment for attempting to leave again. "I'm sorry.." She managed out with shaken words.

"Katerina.." Her name was pleasurable, peaceful. His eyes still unmoving as he inched forward again, ignoring her apology. He didn't care for whatever it was she was apologizing for.

"Are you alright?" Katerina sputtered out, unable to contain her concern.

Taken aback by her question, he knitted his brows together. With a cool voice, "Yes." He breathed, reassuring her.

She didn't respond, but he was unsure of how to comfort her. Ezra was not familiar with abilities to alleviate someones pain-- besides with death. He desired to be nearer to her, despite the fiasco that unfolded between them and Katerina desired the same. It was a matter of whom would initiate what.

With a brisk movement, Ezra gathered her into his arms that felt more like slow motion.

"I'm sorry." He spoke lowly.

Katerina had been near Ezra before, within centimeters even. It was always cut short, but she knew the closeness was more than what she desired from him. He was cold, but she felt warm within his grasp. Ignoring his words, she knew she needed not say anything at all. Her actions and body language spoke for her. The hazel orbs within her eyes reached his and the breath in her throat hitched.

Ezra furrowed his brows together once more, studying the expression across her face and wondering what she was thinking. He wondered if she enjoyed their embrace, but he couldn't completely know for sure yet. Her body was small, and shaped perfectly within his arms. The feelings of irritation of his actions were pushed away as he took in the moment, afraid of how long it would last.

"You must know Katerina.." He fanned her cheek with his breath, touching her cheek with the tips of his fingers before cradling it in his palm. "I had no intentions of using you in such damaging ways. I, a monster, took away a biological piece of you. But you.." His words trailed into mere whispers.

Katerina shook her head, "I cannot hold you accountable for actions that I know you wished did not happen."

"I've accepted their deaths. You've saved me from a life I wouldn't want." She continued, grateful for their paths crossing. "But.." she took a small gulp before continuing. "I am afraid of you." she finally admitted.

Ezra didn't change his expression. Instead, he sympathized with her, understanding the emotions she felt before nodding his head in response.

"But I.." She repeated, drifting her eyes from his, down the bridge of his nose and to the lining of his lips. They were parted slightly, revealing the tips of his fangs, but the supernatural aspect of him didn't scare her. The indiscretions of her feelings developing for him seemed taboo, unrealistic. The murderer of her family, a species condemned to hell for all eternity, had reeled her into an everlasting emotional coaster. She didn't want it to end.

Ezra noticed her sudden change in tone and he pulled a slight tightening grip around her, moving his hand to the bottom of her chin to tilt it up more and direct him more clearly.

"You, Katerina, are changing me in ways I cannot fathom yet." Her eyes peaked up in interest and surprise that he was actually speaking those words. Words that she would have never spoken when they first met. It was as if they both understood the expressions on each others face. His crimson eyes finally intensified in color as confirmation.

He leaned further in, his lips against her cheek, brushing it lightly--and still that touch sent her nerves into wild tremors. This moment signaled differently than the rest, signifying the disheveled feelings they had.

His words were coarse, gentle. "If you'd like me to stop, please tell me now." Typically Ezra doesn't take orders from others or even consider the feelings of another, but Katerina was the epitome of his transformation and her body language spoke for her.

When she said nothing, frozen in place, his lips trailed up against the hollow of her temple. "Or now.." His voice grew in seduction, passion as he continued to the lining of her jawbone. The smoothness of her skin allowed his lips to glide effortlessly to the corner of her mouth. He watched her carefully, opening his senses to be able to alert to any sudden troubled emotion to his actions.

"Or now." He repeated.

With his hand still in place at the bottom of her chin, his arm delved more passionately around her waist, spreading his hand across the bottom portion of her back.

Katerina's eyes were half-closed and his lips only looked small from afar, awaiting for her approval. With a soft nudge against her nose, he spoke again.

"Or-"

But the rest of his words were lost against her mouth as their lips fell sleepily together, like a puzzle piece finally working in conjunction. The jolt of admiration sent Katerina's brain into a shutdown, weakening her sensibility of standing. With his strength, he held her up as their kiss continued. The hammering of her heart resulted in him softening the kiss, taking in consideration of how much abnormal strength Ezra put into intimate moments such as this. He wanted to be gentle with her.

Her rich scent intoxicated him, the supple lips against his parted in unison and instinctively, his heart began to drum as well. The contact between them sparked a growth of warmth and passion, a form of communication that they'd otherwise were unable to communicate through words before.

With a swift exhale, the kiss was broken and Ezra inclined his forehead to rest against hers. Their breaths intermixing in astonishment and gratification.