FRIENDSHIP

Everyone needed someone . Even the devil needed a friend and I was no different than others . I was tired if pretending like I was okay dealing with my own shit alone. I could not deny that I hated people.

I hated the entitlement that came with people knowing you. I did not want people all in my business. I was a lonely person and I found comfort in being alone.

I was used to sadness to the point where is comforting. I was the type of person who would handle all my problems all by myself . The moment I realized that i could not solve my problems I had no other choice but to leave with it.

What was I supposed to do go and ask a stranger for help?I wondered where people got the urge of telling their whole life story to someone they never knew .

I wanted people to see that I had my shit together. There was nothing good that came with telling people your issues all they did was to gossip about it to other people. It was not until I felt lonely that I realized it was not good for me.

Staring at my bedroom ceiling hour after hour and having no one to talk to was damaging my mental health. It was the same thing over and over again.

Tossing and turning looking for sleep but I never did. I was stuck in the same place and all o could do was think. It sucked not to have someone.

I wanted to have a friend who when I was with I would forget about all my troubles. I had to make friends and go out more before I completely lost my mind . As I looked around I wondered how charming Loise was.

She had all those girls wrapped all around her finger. They looked like people who would do anything for each other and no matter how bitchy they looked I knew they were the type of people who would your hand till the end of time.

It hits me how alone I am. I had no one. I was literally me. I had always had trouble maki g friends and whenever I made friends I would disappear from the face of the earth a d we would just fall of .

Maybe I was a bad friend and that was the reason why I had no one. For a relationship to work you had to give time to them too . I was a little bit obsessed with myself.

All i ever talked about was myself and I could not blame them for leaving too. I had mastered the act of playing if acting the victim and now here I was all alone when I needed live the most.

It was not until when you needed something the most that you realized how important it was . Every girl needed friends ,that was what was healthy.

The chair besides me moves and I turn to see who it is and am net with the tinniest person. Maybe I was lying she just looked tiny compared to me.

She looked sweet so I open my mouth to say something but my mouth is dry and I can't find my voice. I look at my sweaty palms and I wonder what it would take for me to master the art of talking to people.

At my big age I could not be able to start a conversation with someone. This was all because of always staying inside. I should have played with other kids when I was little instead of dressing barbie's,maybe then I would have turned out different.

I always knew I had social anxiety I just never knew to which level . I always thought I only had a problem talking to boys . They made me nervous I just never realized that I could not talk to girls .

I wanted to stop being a coward it was probably very easy I just had to get over my fear. I feared embarrassment over anything else and the thought of someone ignoring me gave me shivers.

I take in a deep breath as I count one to ten so that I slow my breath so that I can talk to her.

"Hey",I say with a small voice.

"Hey ,your anxiety that bad",she says smiling.

"What of course not",I say scoffing. If there was one thing that I had learnt over the years was to always act like I got my shit together. People would take advantage of your weaknesses and that would be all on you.

"You don't have to pretend with me,I've been watching you all this time . You were really having a debate in their wondering if you should talk to me or not . Your hands are sweaty because you keep rubbing them on your trousers.

Your legs are also shaking anyone who knows this symptoms will automatically know that it's hard for you to talk in front of people .Am Cherry by the way",she says ad she looks at me waiting for me to say something.

Here I was thinking that I had my shit together. All it took her was one look at me and pointed out the things they I thought were not so obvious.

I started to wonder how other people saw me. Did I look a mess like I was. I get back to reality and remember there is someone next to me who was waiting for me to say something. I look over at her and grin.

"Am Keira and my anxiety is not that bad ",I say chuckling nervously. I knew I was lying. I was even lying to myself on how much of a mess I was.

"It's really that bad but that is not a problem. You do not owe anyone a perfect mental health state",she says smiling kindly and I love her instantly.

"Well yes but I have to keep it together. I also need to posses social skills or I'll never have any friends "I say chuckling.

"You and me both babe but I think we're making progress right?",she says as we both burst into laughter and for the first time I don't feel like am out of place .I finally feel like I had just found my soulmate and for the sake of sanity I hoped that I did not fuck it up.