Close My Eyes (Part 3)

"Violet just agreed to make a porno." She said it out loud, as the narrator of her own story.

"What was she thinking? How long would it be until some boy who jerks off too much outed her in between classes... ...or ...her mom finds out."

The debate rages in her head the rest of the night. It didn't help her headache recovery to be feeling this kind of anxiety. "What to wear?" was all she could think about when she was going. How to forget about $1500 was all she could think about when she wasn't going?

"Glad I broke up with Tee, it'll crush him to see me fucking some old guy if he ever comes across it. Ugh, I can't believe I'm doing this." Her shoulders slump and her belly protrudes, slightly, in her disgust with herself. When it did, it loosens the belt on her Care Bear robe, as she was in front of her full length mirror. It slides off like it usually does when she bends over.

In the mirror, she saw a nipple slip out. She thinks she looks pretty sexy at that moment. She let the robe slip off of her. As it fell to the floor, it reveals all aspects of her feminine form.

She admires herself in the mirror. She used to be a cheerleader in high school. That always got her more attention than she wanted, but she would have never known Tee if she hadn't been one. A mixed blessing. She didn't hate Tee, but again, she was just over being with boys.

Her nipples are medium sized but slightly puffy. All the boys she ever let suck on them, seemed to enjoy themselves and she liked it when they did so, generally. She wonders how it would feel with an old man who had a full gristly gray beard....

"Ewww... I hope it doesn't feel that rough. What am I doing?"

Violet turns on some music that makes her feel sexy and begins dancing in front of her mirror. She moves her body to the rhythm and makes sure to sway her hips. She caresses her own body as she moves. She catches sight of her vaginal lips through her pubic hair. She ran her fingers through them & touches her clit. The touch sends a wave of pleasure through her body.

She gets an idea. She tilts the mirror towards the floor in front of her bed and tosses some pillows down, finally she lays down herself and spreads her legs. She worries about keeping herself clean over the weekend and farting in the car on the way over to the interview.

No, Violet put the worst possibilities aside as she examines her pubic region. She missed when Tee used to go down on her and touches herself in a similar way. It was where he was touching with his tongue that made her feel so good. It wasn't just him. She likes that thought, that her pleasure was her own.

Her fingers slide around her labia and clit, which was fleshy and soft. It was almost as if the lips were as puffy as her nipples. Which was good, she heard, as more flesh meant more nerve endings, and more nerve endings meant an easier avenue to pleasure.

She had never seen herself like this before. Her cheeks flush and her desires made her glow as she fingers herself and looks in the mirror, watching.

As the pleasure grows, and she is about to orgasm, she pays attention to the look in her own eyes. Faster and faster, harder and harder, her hands move about her holiest of holies. In the end, as she comes, she closes her eyes, and she misses seeing herself, the way she had planned. She still felt satisfied that she looks good while having sex, that was her main concern, but not any more.

She felt fit, and pretty, or at least cute, if not beautiful. She had never felt normal, hence the pink hair as a way to neon sign that fact. She always thought she was better than average, but not a 10.

She goes searching for what clothes she can wear. Her black leather jacket would always be outerwear, but she needed something white to wear for this. She found a white t-shirt, with the pink Care Bear on it, Lotta-Love Bear.

Violet puts it on. It is so tight, even for her small frame. Her dad had picked up the phrase "Skin on the Bologna" and would have dropped it for sure in this situation. The shirt showed off her nipples perfectly though. It also made her look young, "OK this can go in the maybe pile."

Naked in her room, but the shirt, she searches for more she can wear. She finds light pink panties with heart ruffles around the top. The underwear appropriately matches the color of the bear on her shirt, so she decides to go with it and puts them on.

Violet looks at herself in the mirror. "She likes what she sees, but decides a ribbon to hold her hair would help. Something that could be easily taken out, so she could shake her hair out and look sexy doing it, yeah!"

"Next, a skirt..." she opes the drawer she keeps them in. "Each one was darker than the next. Ugh!" Violet is starting to stress out. She fells anxious and like she doesn't want to do it again. Just because she couldn't find a light colored skirt.

She looks in her pocketbook for her wallet, $12 was not going to be enough to go buy another skirt. "Fuck!" She exclaims. She could call Rachel, but Rach would ask who the new boy is and it would be too complicated to tell her everything. 'Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.'" She sang out the theme to a show her sister watched religiously.

Violet thought of looking for something in her mom's room, but then dismisses it. She couldn't do these things in her mom's clothes, could she... "Well, she'd only be able to kill me once." She looks through her mom's closet and finds a white lace teddy. She takes it out of the closet and holds it up to herself. She remembers again, her mom used to wear it for her dad, so she puts it back. She just couldn't. Violet went back to her room.

She finally settles on the black mini skirt that matched with her leather jacket. She wants to look tough, and strong, even if she couldn't escape, still looking innocent.

***

The next day, Friday, Violet goes to a walk-in clinic. Her blood is drawn and the results would be emailed to her the next day.

***

Saturday afternoon, the email arrives; Violet tests negative for all sexually transmitted diseases.