December December

Even in the midst of the storm,I took time to go out with Samuel,we attended a party together and we coincidentally wore the same material,mine was a head tie and his was a cap.We connected so well and he helped me feel better about all that was happening.Being with him was an escape from the reality I was facing,I felt free with him and it feels like I've known him forever.I didn't want a relationship but he proved himself to be someone who will always be there for me and with me.

Just before Christmas,Kehinde fell ill and since Mum was too sick to go take care of her,I had to leave Mum with Mosinmiloluwa who was around for the holiday while I go take care of Kehinde's baby so she can have enough time to recuperate.My mind was always with Mum and we were always calling to hear from her and ask about her health.Kehinde got better and I was there until the new year when I went home to see Mum on the 4th of January 2021 and wish her a happy new year.I got home and Mum's condition was obviously worse,she had gotten really slim and she was almost like a shadow of her former self.I got home and made Pupuru because she said she has missed my food and I went to a Vigil that same night with Mosinmiloluwa.We got back the next morning tired and sleepy,I only went to say good morning to Mum in her room and I heard Dad telling Mosinmiloluwa that they were going to a hospital in a different town to see what can be done to her health.I remember waving to her with sleepy eyes when she was leaving,if only I knew that was going to be the last time,I would have stood up,fought the sleep and tell her not to leave me but how was j supposed to know my dear Mum won't come back home again.

Cancer won,Mum died few days later and the most painful part was that she refused to speak to me or Kehinde over the phone,I guess she didn't want us to know the pitiful state she was.Mosinmiloluwa left for the hospital the following day she left for the hospital,I wanted to follow him but he told me to stay and look after the house.I kept insisting I wanted to go but they told me to stay back,if only I knew I won't see her,that I won't hear her voice or touch her one last,I wouldn't have listened to her or anyone,I would have gone against their will.But how was I supposed to know? After all she has been through,the sacrifices,pain,suffering silently in an unhappy and loveless marriage,she deserved better.She deserved to be taken care of and pampered by the children she chose to focus on us and not get bothered about her husband,my Dad.

They didn't break the news to me because I was home alone and I could do something suicidal,they had to make me believe they were on their way home not knowing they have gone to the Morgue to keep her body and it was because of the arrangement that made them late.I have cooked,laid her bed and I was sweeping when her passport photograph fell from a book,It was a sign that she was trying to say goodbye but I still didn't get it.Mum was prim and proper,there was no way her passport photograph can fall from a random book but I still didn't get it because it was the last thing on my mind.I kept waiting and calling to ask if they were close already because I expected them to be home already.

I heard a car approaching and I ran out excitedly hoping to see my Mum,it doesn't matter if she was as lean as a skeleton,all I wanted was to see my Mum but I didn't see her,rather I saw her things being taken from the car.I still didn't want to believe,I thought it was critical and they left her at the Hospital to come pick new stuff for her until the news was broken to me by our Pastor.I cried and screamed,my mum was really gone,she's gone forever.She left without saying goodbye,she left without saying a word to me,she left me in this cold world alone.

I wanted to go drag my Dad and tell him he killed her but I was too shaken that all I could do was keep screaming,wailing and crying but I told myself I'll write it all,I'll write the story of a woman who died without the love of her husband.That I'll write about the woman who scarificed and gave her all to an ungrateful husband who never saw her as anything.Write about the unconditional love a mother had for her children that made her endure years of hardship in her marriage.Mum didn't make it,she was a good woman,she didn't deserve to die like that.Life is so unfair,it keeps taking away those we love and make us feel time will heal the deep wound in our hearts.

Such wound doesn't heal,it hurts every now and then and even when we feel like it's beginning to heal,something scratch the surface and the pain comes back again.I'm still figuring it out but I still can't get used to the fact that you're really no more.I still cry when I think of you and I don't think I will stop anytime soon.

I love you Mum,I always will.

Keep resting sweet Mum,I'll keep making you proud.