Chapter Two
"I wish you hadn't done that" Joey gripes on the walk home. His cheeks are still flushed red even after the last few hours he has had to cool down, his muscles still tense the farther they get from the school. "I could have kicked his ass and made him apologize. How dare he speak to his future Luna like that-" He breaks off and shakes his head, clearly still trying to calm himself down after the fury of the incident.
Carter is careful not to react. All throughout the afternoon, she has felt Joey's rage still boiling at the surface and it had put a lot of stress on her shoulders trying to keep him calm until the final bell rang. She had known through the pack telekinetic link he could still hear the jeering of the other pack members, baiting him to attack Garrett despite the laws they all knew forbid it. She had hoped the beautiful scenery would have calmed him as it always did her but it seems there is no luck.
The Andorra pack lives in the middle of the Brittingham wild forests, a small town in Montana, surrounded by endless mountain valleys and backwoods carved from the sides of sprawling mountain ranges. In the distance their peaks glow purple against the deep blue of the sky and rich green of the forest treetops, the sound of rushing water slipping somewhere to the east against polished rock. The path she and Joey take every day to and from school winds and curves through the heart of the forest, stretching a good distance for anyone to shift to get to and from the pack house quickly without being seen. It is this path that always calms her before the onslaught school or the heavy stares of the pack house will bring, making her feel as if the Moon Goddess is right at her side with each inhale of the fresh earth.
For a moment, Carter closes her eyes and tries to quell her own burning anger so that Joey will not see. If he sees that she is mad, it will only spark his flames of fury higher and he will go after Garret, though burying her anger has always been more difficult than burying her sadness or fears. Patience and merciful thinking have never been a virtue of her's.
She breathes in the rich scents of the forest and tries to fall into a hazy memory of warm hands brushing her hair, telling her the stories of Selena, the goddess of the moon, the commander of wolves and the mother of werewolves. She briefly remembers gentle lullabies and tales of a man who fell in love with the mother of wolves, soon giving birth to the first werewolf, Aurora, the matriarch of all Alpha and Luna bloodlines. Her children were revered as the strongest, the fastest, the wisest, and became the first pack leaders ever to exist.
Carter tries to focus, to clear the haze from the memories but it is no good. Those days have been many years ago, back when she was still a respected daughter of the Alpha, back when her mother was still alive to teach her of their Goddess. Back when her mother had been gentle, kind, and alive, a goddess in her own right in Carter's mind.
Coming back to the present, she glances sideways at Joey, her glare level. It is the best she can do to school her expression. Don't fool yourself, Joey. You know better than I that no pack would ever have me as leader. The thought made her happier than she would have liked to admit.
"Oh, don't start with that again" He sighs, interpreting her thoughts. Though there is no anger in his voice at her, his tone is still unmistakably stubborn. "You would be an awesome Luna. And whoever you get as your mate would be lucky to have you." He throws her a wink and Carter sees some of his tension leave his body, his usual light-hearted banter coming back into play. "If he'll put up with you long enough to live, of course."
He laughs as Carter elbows him hard in the ribs, her usual scowl falling comfortably into place. Joey has always known the topic of mates is to be avoided around her. Despite her respect for the goddess above and her pack's traditions, the idea of having a mate is ridiculous to Carter. Someone predestined to be stuck by forever, someone who has no control over there own actions or feelings around the person, driven crazy by a bond you have no choice in creating. If you are unlucky, you would run into your mate only to find out they had already slept with and fallen for someone else.
If you were especially unlucky, your mate would become your Luna, bear your child and then vanish, never to be see again.
No, Carter will not suffer the same fate. She will either be one of the few predestined to not have a mate or her mate will reject her at their first encounter and that will be that. It will be awkward, no doubt, and she will have to face the taunting that will follow for years to come, but in the end that will be easier for the both of them.
Just not for her father. A pang of guilt flashes through her chest as they come upon the end of the trail, leaving them in the heart of the dense forest, completely separated by a wall of trees from the rest of the world, protecting the hidden community of the Andorra pack. All along the tree line, beautiful houses in colors of cream and yellow tower, holding two or three families at a time that are either not very high up in pack rankings or are high-ranking pack members who sometimes prefer their own dwellings outside of the Pack House, which stands massive and intimidating in the center of it all.
Four stories tall with a wrap-around porch, tall columns and crown molding, each story glistening with dozens of polished windows and sprawling balconies at the roof, only the highest ranking pack members including the Alpha, Luna, Beta and any children and spouses of them reside there, along with any important members essential in the inner workings of the pack. It has been Carter's home her entire life but often felt stifling in it's importance, it's elegance and strength like a constant reminder of what Carter is not and can not be: strong, confident, a true leader like she was sired to be.
She can see it in some of the faces she passes and as she and Joey make their way, grown men and women watch her with sharp eyes, as if she is a bomb waiting to implode. Some, kinder or maybe more pitying in their judgments, pass her half-hearted smiles as they sweep their porches or plant flowers, trying to put a more personal spin on their homes. Smaller children, too young to be in school, scamper and squeal as they play, carefree as they chase each other. A few parents watched from nearby, smiles wide but eyes careful. Some are no doubt close to the age when they will begin to shift and it is an often occurrence for a pup to shift for the first time by accident too close to another child.
Carter suddenly remembers when she had first met Joey, not three days after he shifted for the first time.
It had been the middle of summer, when almost every young pack member had shifted for the first time, albeit not never well. All throughout the pack community, children were chasing each other, playing tag and occasionally stopping to shift, a concentrated look on their little faces before their bodies bent, then shifted and exploding into a new form. This would bring on all the other children shifting more to prove just that they could, before continuing games of chase, hide and seek or races across the forest.
Carter had been sitting on the Pack House front porch, watching depressed and alone as the other children played. She was seven years old and had still not shifted, an unprecedented event for a future Luna and Alphas daughter. Immense shame had fallen and gotten worse with each passing day she had not been able to shift and Carter found herself an outcast in the eyes of the other children. While the fear and respect of her father had kept the older pack members in line and kept their coldness within their thoughts, the children were too young to hold such standards, at least while not in the sight of Carter's father.
She had been sitting on the front porch, alone and miserable, both hating the other children and hating herself for her disability. Why did they all have to hate her for something she couldn't help? Didn't they know how badly she herself wanted to shift? To live up to the expectations that had been set long before she was born? It wasn't her fault she couldn't shift or hear the pack link. It wasn't her fault what happened to her mother...
Tears had pricked in the corner of her eyes and she stood, about to return to the sanctuary of her rooms, where no one could watch or judge her, before a red ball suddenly rolled to the steps of the porch. A young pup with large emerald eyes and a reddish-brown coat had bounded over eager to snatch it up before stopping directly in front of Carter. They stared at each other for a moment and Carter felt a roll of hurt in her chest, knowing what the pup was thinking: the disgraced daughter of the Alpha, someone to be avoided at all times or risk social suicide.
Carter glared, waiting for the pup to snort, to snatch up the ball and go laugh with the other children at her expense. Instead, the pup slowly looked down at the ball, then at Carter, before carefully bumping the ball with his nose toward her.
Carter had only stated, caught between anger and confusion.
The pup had yipped at her, wagging his tail, continuing to bump the ball with his nose at her. Carter watched, too nervous to be hopeful. After a moment, the pup stopped and stared at her expectantly, waiting. Then, deciding he was not content with that, had climbed up the steps and plopped right down next to Carter. She had been to shocked to react and the two had sat their for a moment in silence.
Carter found herself staring at the pup's lavish red coat, jealous enough to momentarily forget her shock. What she wouldn't give to have-
Suddenly a large head was in her lap. She had gasped, shocked by the sudden contact and looked down at the pup. He had nudged her with his nose, eyes gentle. Carter had not been able to hear him but knew what he was trying to do. Fingers shaking, she had reached out and touched the soft hair of his coat, fascinated, a timid smile spreading across her lips.
The pup had laid in her lap for the rest of the day, letting her pet him. Carter had not realized it until that moment but it had been months since the last time someone had touched her. Hugged her. The contact brought new tears to her eyes but she had merely blinked them away and continued running her fingers through the pup's glossy coat. It had been almost therapeutic, finally grasping something that had been beyond her reach for so long, even if it wasn't her own gift.
Then, as night fell, the pup had abruptly stood and trodden off, leaving Carter staring after him in disappointment, only to come back as a small boy with emerald eyes and a wide smile promising trouble. "Hi, I'm Joey" He had grinned. "We're best friends now."
And that had been that.
Carter feels her scowl lessen at the memory now, watching the children. She glances back at Joey, whose bad mood seems to have finally faded, grinning to himself. She is sure he is thinking of the same thing.
They walk up the steps of the porch just as Maria Hamilton, Ryan Hamilton's mother, rushes past. Carter doesn't know her well, only that she is the mate of a high-ranking pack member, always dressed in her best, makeup always perfect, normally very calm and quiet but now looking very clearly distressed. No doubt the rumors have reached her about her son's love affair. Joey watches her pass, his grin quickly fading as fast as it appeared. He turns to watch the worried mother run off, his eyes serious and thoughtful. Two expressions rarely seen on Joey.
"It's a shame. That the rules have to be different for us" He says quietly. There is an exhaustion in his voice, a deep tiredness that Carter knows has nothing to do with the length of the difficult day.
Carter nods her agreement, though she is still watching Maria Hamilton rush away. The thought burns more than she like to admit, either to Joey or herself. Why do things have to be so different for the humans? Sure, she will still probably face embarrassment over her inability to speak and the scar winding across her torso but at least the only pressure she would face would be getting good grades, getting into a good college, maybe one day finding a suitable husband.
But her mind suddenly moves elsewhere as she watches Maria Hamilton ran off after her son. Studying Joey's serious expression, she is suddenly struck by an unsettling thought that has been plaguing her the last few months: Joey will be leaving soon. Each of them is nearing the age where mates are found and soon Joey would be finding his own mate and, just like everyone else who was struck by the mate bond, he would be gone. So enamored and in love that his entire world would revolve around his mate that he would never have time for Carter anymore. She had always known she would end up without a mate, whether because she was destined to be alone or because she would be rejected, but she had always clung pathetically and stubbornly to the idea that Joey would still be by her side in the future, a apart of her world, adding a little light into grey and murky world.
It is no secret that Carter is moody and antisocial. She enjoys making witty quips in her head at the expense of others and avoiding social interactions outside of Joey's company. She likes to avoid blatant attention at all costs and avoids confrontation if possible, so long as Joey is safe and her thin temper holds true. She is often content with those parts of herself, the darker more bitter pieces that make up the crumbling being she is. Joey brings out a softer, more open side of her, however, someone less jaded toward the rest of the world. If he leaves, that small bit of happiness Joey provides will probably grow dull and weak, soon to vanish completely.
"Sunshine? You okay?" Joey asks, snapping Carter from her thoughts. His eyes are narrowed in thought, clearly confused at not immediately being able to read her.
She shrugs in a noncommittal gesture and continues on inside past him, trying to hide the worry on her face.
Inside, the Pack House is mercifully quiet. The sprawling foyer is polished and bright, the marble floors veined with gold, a large curving staircase severing the room so the morning room was on the left, the dining hall on the right. At the top of the stairs, personal rooms branch off to the left and right, the two other upper floors reserved for the Alpha, Luna and their offices which are strictly off limits to everyone except them and their advisors. The advisors, the Beta and other important figures, are also housed on those floors and help with everything from matters of pack safety to paying bills through the use of human jobs and services. As daughter of the Alpha, Carter has her own set of rooms but Joey's family hold their own household in the community, though Joey spends nearly all his free time with Carter at the Pack House.
Carter leads the way up to the fourth floor in the west wing, far down the hall from her father's rooms and generally out of the way from the general on-goings of the house. It is customary for those soon to be in power, such as the son or daughter of an Alpha, to have a room closer to the important offices and meeting rooms for the convenience when learning how to lead but as Carter was determined unfit at only five years old, she was placed far in the back, away from any prying or pitying eyes.
The room, like it's placement, is also another silent slight in regards to her shame. Though rather large like her father's rooms and those for important guests, the apartments are still noticeably small, decorated with a small sitting room to entertain guests (for which there never are any) made up of soft velvet couches and a marble coffee table before leading into a wide master bedroom housing a large king-sized bed, vanity and a few velvet chaise lounges. Off to the side is a small bathroom with a claw-foot tub and toilet.
Respectable enough, perhaps, for a lesser guest of importance or a minor representative from the United Counsel. Not nearly respectable enough, however, for a future Luna.
Not that is has ever bothered Carter in the least. What little of the room that has been decorated fancier and more elaborate has been thrown into disarray, covered in clothes, wrinkled blankets and books, littering the room so thick the hardwood floors barely shown.
Joey pays no attention to the mess. He has only tried once or twice to convince her to clean or allow a servant to clean but quickly gave up. He learned quickly that Carter likes her mess, that she clings to clutter and the familiar. She doesn't like to look at her room, yet another reminder of what she is not, and prefers to cover it as best she can.
Joey throws himself on a couch then squirms, pulling a paper-back book with worn pages from beneath him. He frowns at the cover. "Twilight again? Don't you ever get sick of this book?"
Carter ignores her, throwing herself in bed, crowded with more books and wrinkled clothes like a large nest. It is no secret that she is an avid reader, carrying at least one or two books everywhere she goes. It is a nice escape, though she only ever reads the first Twilight book more than once. Reading about Jacob's experiences as a wolf in New Moon and beyond had been salt in an open wound because she had known it was the only way she would ever experience what she was born to be.
Still, the reading is a nice distraction, especially from her disappointing life and the dreams... The thought slips away as she thinks about the dreams, which had taunted her relentlessly. They always end just before she can see who had found her. Months before, they had been hazy, almost impossible to remember, then with each night they became more and more clear, more and more real until Carter begin to wake shocked and confused as to why she was no longer in a ballroom she didn't recognize or know.
It isn't uncommon for the children of the Moon Goddess to have strange dreams. Often they are a sign of future events to come or internal struggles that needed to be dealt with. She is sure it is only her subconscious trying to warn her of the emotional pain she will endure when she finds her mate, how it will not be the magical experience it would be for others.
Still, it bothers Carter to no end and she wishes her subconscious would go shove it.
Joey is still glaring at the book. "I hate those movies" He grumbles at the cover. His pout is similar to that of an annoyed toddler. "They put it out there that all male werewolves have to be ripped with abs and a v-line. Or be Taylor Lautner."
Carter gives a snort.
"Hey, I could be Taylor Lautner" He retorts offended, pretending to be offended. He stands up and flexes his arms, a fake macho expression plastered across his face.
Carter fights a rare smile. Despite his joke, he doesn't have much room for argument, as he very nearly looks like one of the werewolf models from the movies. The mate that he is meant for will be more than pleased at first glance, Carter is sure. There is a stiff knock at the door, interrupting Joey's flexing. He glances at the door, eyebrow raised. "Were you expecting company?" The question is obviously a playful jab, as no one but Joey would ever come visit the disgraced Alpha daughter.
Carter scowls. She hates visitors. She stands and goes to the door.
Standing there is a page, a lesser pack member who runs errands for the Alpha and Beta. Carter feels flash of resentment and anxiety. The pages are never sent to retrieve her unless something has happened. The muskrat must have fun off to his father and tattled on Joey for nearly phasing in front of human students. No doubt he would leave out the fact that he had been the one provoking Joey and trying to sleep with the Alpha's daughter like a two-dollar whore.
"The Alpha wishes to see you" The page states bluntly. He doesn't look Carter in the eye, which normally is a sign of respect, but she knows it is more of a quiet slap in the face than anything else. Then, without waiting for any kind of response, he turns and walks off down the hall.
"It's always so nice to see them roll out the red carpet" Joey calls, but Carter is already off, walking down the hall, dreading every step she takes.
~*~*
Standing outside her father's office, Carter takes a deep breath. She normally avoids this wing of the Pack House at all costs, desperate to avoid running into her father. She hasn't seen him in nearly a month and that had been just fine with her. How could she look at a father who refused to look at her more and more throughout the years? Who went out of his way to avoid his failure of a daughter?
Stifling a sigh, she raises a fist and knocked loudly on the door.
"Come in."
The polished oak-wood door swings open and Carter steps inside to see pale stucco walls and high arching ceilings, stained glass windows stretching up from the floor to the ceiling. Expensive-looking oil paintings of Carter's ancestors, Alphas and Lunas alike, hang along the walls, confident and imposing in their positions of power, having met and exceeded expectations set for them before birth. In the center of the room stands a large mahogany desk, covered with papers and reports Carter would never be able to interpret. And behind the desk, sits Carter's father, Alpha Soren.
When Carter was young, before the death of her mother and her father's growing coldness, she was told her father was named Soren by Carter's grandfather, the former Alpha. It was a strong name, a cold and commanding name meaning "severe." A name worthy of strength and power. Whenever Carter sees her father, she was reminded of that meaning. Her father is tall, even for a pack member, towering at six feet four and built with muscle even though he is nearly entering his fifties. His hair and thin beard, golden-brown, is beginning to show the signs of salt and pepper grey. The lines of his face are sharp and angular and, like Carter, hold the signs of frequent frowning. He looks tired. "Carter, hello" He stands. His voice is oddly formal, his discomfort obvious despite the blank and expressionless mask he wore. He does not look his daughter in the eye, instead carefully staring at a spot above her head as if he can not bear to look at her.
Carter gives a nod, her only available response. Her throat tightens and she forces herself to stand still, to keep her spine perfectly straight. She does not want to feel small in front of the father who no longer wants her.
His eyes tighten at the corners and Carter feels a flush of shame, red hot spreading down her neck. She knows her father hates to be reminded of her disability. "I'm sorry to call for you as soon as you came home from school but something has come up. Something very important and needed to be discussed."
Oh God, he knows about Garrett, Carter thinks. He'll either kill him for his defiance or punish Joey for the close call.
She begins to prepare her defense (both for why he should kill Garrett and why he shouldn't punish Joey) but before she can try to defend herself, her father pulls open a desk drawer and retrieves something from the drawer of his desk: a thick honey-colored envelope with a bold red wax seal at the lip.
Her father's face is worn and suddenly tired as he finally looks at her. The lines of exhaustion and mourning in his face are suddenly uncomfortably stark, as if he is aging right in front of her eyes. "The letter came today."