06

ALEX'S POV

"Alex! Breakfast is ready!" I heard Mom shout upstairs. I put my song book away and walked downstairs.

"Do I have to eat? I'm honestly not hungry, Mom." I sit down at the island in the kitchen.

"Yes, you do. You'll talk to me if anything is wrong right?" She looked worried. I nodded and she handed me a plate of pancakes.

Don't do it. You'll just get fatter.

I'll throw it up after.

Good girl.

I quickly ate the pancakes so I didn't have to focus on how much calories I was eating.

"I'm gonna go get dressed." I say as I quickly got up. I was about to run up the stairs and I felt Mom grab my wrist.

"How about you stay down here for two hours?"

"But, Mom. I really want to get ready now.. please?" I was on the verge of a panic attack and she hesitantly let me go. I ran upstairs and grabbed my backpack and ran into my bathroom. I shut the door and locked it. I reached into my backpack to grab my phone when I felt something sharp cut me.

"Agh!" I grabbed the sharp object and there was a note attached to it. It was a blade. Why is there a blade? I opened the note.

'Dear Fatass,

I got you a present. I assumed you didn't have any blades to hurt yourself with. Unless we get lucky, kill yourself with. I hope you see the blade I attached. Use it wisely.

- Trevor'

I gulped and my vision became blurry. I put the blade on my counter and knelt down in front of the toilet. I stuck my fingers down my throat and threw up all my breakfast. I hesitantly reached for the blade. I put it up to my wrist.

'Fatass'

Cut

'Whore'

Cut

'Worthless'

Cut

'Piece of shit'

Cut

I did that a couple more times. I put the blade in my backpack. I looked at my wrist and regretted my decision. I also didn't regret it.. it felt good to do it again. Tears were blurring my vision and I pulled out my phone and went to my contacts. I heard a knock on the door.

"Alex! Are you almost done, baby girl?"

"Y-Yeah!" I heard her walk away. I pressed a random contact on my phone and called them.

"Alex? Why are you calling this early?" It was Maddie. Thank god.

"M-Mads.. I did something s-stupid.. I.. I need you.. I can't tell Mom.. I.." I was uncontrollably crying.

"I'm gonna put it on video chat. Breathe okay? You can show me what happened." She turned on the video chat and I hesitantly showed her my wrists.

"I.. I'm sorry.." I whimpered slightly.

"You relapsed?" I nodded. "Why? Can you please tell Demi? If not I will." She sounded serious.

"C-Can you?" She nodded and hung up. A couple minutes later I heard pounding on my bathroom door again.

"Alex! Open up please!" I opened the door and instantly fell into Mom's arms. "Baby.. why?" She sounded worried. I pointed to the note on the counter. She read it and looked angry.

"I.. I'm sorry.."

"Hey.. Don't apologize. It's okay. We can talk about this later. Okay-" She noticed my vomit in the toilet. Which I forgot to flush. "Did you? Did you purge, baby girl?" I nodded. "Why?"

"I want to be skinny and pretty! Like everyone else! Why can't I be skinny and pretty, Mommy?" I whispered as I looked down.

"You are pretty. You always will be. I mean it. You're way too skinny, baby girl. You're getting to a dangerous weight. Why do you think you aren't skinny and pretty?"

"T-They said I am.. they wouldn't shut up at the mall.." My breathing quickened and my vision became blurry.

"Alex! Baby! Breathe!" Mom panicked and pulled me close to her. We were sitting on the bathroom floor. "Alex, breathe. You got this." She grabbed my hand and put it on her chest along with my head. "You feel that? Focus on my breathing and my heartbeat, baby girl. Try and follow it." After a bit I managed to calm down. I was clinging onto her not wanting to let go. She cleaned my cuts and bandaged them which hurt a bit, not gonna lie. She picked me up since I didn't want to let go of her.

"C-Can we cuddle?" I asked. She nodded and we got into my bed and cuddled. "I love you, Mommy.."

"I love you too, baby." She kisses my forehead and I fell asleep in her comforting embrace.