C1 ROB is a sadist
In an office that looks like... um... well, there's a desk with two chairs, inside what looks like a tent.
On one side there is a blue blob of jello, or at least that is what it looks like, this is ROB. On the other side is a skeleton with patches of meat and skin still attached.
"You're saying that I died at the park from a heart attack?" The skeleton said somehow.
"Yes." The blob jiggled.
"Immediately after which 68 chihuahuas, including my own, tore me apart piece by piece before anyone could stop it!?" The skeleton nearly screamed, only held back by the fact that he was somehow still conscious and talking to blueberry jello.
"Technically it was 69 chihuahuas, but one of them choked on your big toe and died shortly after. I could let you meet him if you like, he's actually a pretty nice fellow... if you ignore the foot fetish that is." The jello wobbled.
"Hell no! I don't want anything to do with that little shit!" The skeleton surprisingly managed to reel back even with the lack of back muscles. "At least I took one of the bastards with me and died to a sacred number... what happens now?" It said ending with a sigh.
"Well, normally for pieces of shit like you that only ever jacked off or sat around all day, we just send them through the normal cycle after wiping their memories. But considering that your death was one of the more, shall we say "unique" ones, and brought a fair amount of enjoyment to many of the hardworking ROBs out there. It has been decided that you will receive a little recompense and a second life, all in hopes that you may bring a little more entertainment to us." The blob wobbled even more.
The skeleton at this point was a bit calmer than one would expect, although a part of it was certainly excited, it knew that this was not the point to lose your reasoning. "Recompense? Do I get wishes or some kind of system like I've read in all those novels?"
"NO SYSTEMS!" Said the jello with a yell that seemed to shake the very fabric of reality itself. Though the skeleton could not perceive this, to him it was just a shout.
With a sigh, the blob continued. "Aside from your memories and gender, you will receive one wish "on the house" with only a few limitations, one of which being no systems. After that, if you want anything else you must "pay the price" for it."
The skeleton thought for a moment, trying to grasp the implications of what was just said. "What do you mean by "price"? Will I have to pay with memories or lose some faculty, like the ability to feel joy?"
"You will not have to lose memories or anything like that. To put it simply you must "earn" what you want." The jello paused for a second then continued. "An example would be if you wished to be a Kryptonian without the weaknesses. In order to earn this, you could be born a Kryptonian and then at some point in your life be abducted by a scientist after which experimented on and eventually lose those weaknesses. Do note that the more valuable the wish the more you will have to go through to get it, so I recommend you take advantage of the first wish as much as possible." The jello ended with a helpful tip.
The skeleton sat in contemplation for some time. "Why aren't systems allowed and what is the purpose for me having to earn what I wish for, if I may ask?"
"You may not." The blob did not wiggle.
"..."
"..."
After a few seconds, the blob broke out in a fit of laughter. "Hahahaha! You should have seen the look on your unmoving face!"
The skeleton was at a loss for words.
"Anyway, the reason for no systems is that approximately 99.74% of all users turn into idiots after a few years, and of the ones that don't nearly all of them turn into cheat bastards that end up providing no entertainment value."
The skeleton could wholeheartedly agree with ROB on that point.
"As for why you need to earn what you wish. It's because people usually make shit wishes or waste the potential of their wishes. I mean if you wish for infinite mana why the fuck would you stay on one planet your whole life running a cafe when you could easily conquer the multiverse!" As the jello finished he realized that he overreacted again and calmed down. "As I was saying, if you have to earn what you wish for then you will think your wishes through better and use them more effectively once received... that and it is more entertaining."
The skeleton, which now had many cracks running through it due to the pressure ROB let off, was barely able to perceive what was said and is in the process of getting its bearings again.
"Well anyway, we need to get this show on the road. So any last questions before we get to your wishes?" The blob wobbled once again.
The skeleton thought for a moment and came up with a question that it had never seen asked in any of the novels it had read. "I believe I have only one question before we start." It paused for a moment to make sure the question was phrased right. "What is the most important thing that I have as a living thing that exists?"
To say the blue blob was surprised... would be a lie as it had experienced too much to be surprised by a mere skeleton. Nevertheless, this was one of the best questions that it had been asked by a mortal. "Hmm. The most important thing that beings like you have is their soul. For without a soul there would be no "you", it trumps even loved ones as you would have never existed to love or be loved without it. After that, it would be your body as it is the anchor which holds you to the land of the living and the vessel through which you experience everything, at least for beings as weak as you that is.
The skeleton which had its answer now knew what its first and most important wish would be. It knew that it would keep its memories and its... no, his gender... not that you could tell at the moment without a trained eye. Those chihuahuas truly spared nothing.
He tried and failed to take a deep breath before he made his wish. "My first wish is to have an eternal soul. Not immortal but eternal, meaning that even if I die and my soul is completely annihilated I will just pop back up because I will always exist."
"That would certainly make you a cheat-like existence... very well that is acceptable, but do take note that just because you have an eternal soul it doesn't mean your soul will be any stronger than it is now. To illustrate, imagine your soul is a bowl, and the strength your soul can wield is the contents of the said bowl, all you have done is make the bowl eternal not make it bigger or stronger." Pausing for a moment so the skeleton can digest what was said.
It then continued. "Additionally it will be much much harder for you to strengthen your soul though you will never have to worry about it weakening unless you do so purposely. Finally, and what is probably the most OP thing about your soul, is that you will be able to "burn" it as many times as you want, granting you a massive strength boost. This would normally kill even immortal souls as it uses the very fabric of your existence as fuel."
The skeleton was thoroughly awed by what an eternal soul could do and knew that there were probably many other things that it could do, but he did catch on to one important detail that would be solved by his next wish. "My second wish is for an upgradable multiversal escape tool powered by my soul, that also has the best soul binding possible."
"Granted. It will start out as a very simple random transmission devise."
The skeleton thought that acceptable. "My third wish is to know how to use my soul as well as souls in general. I don't need to know everything but I at least want to know where to start for anything I wish to accomplish." He knew that he could wish for something far more powerful but the first wish was the only freebie and any other had to be "earned".
"Granted." The jello did not elaborate further.
The skeleton thought for a while but he could not come up with anything else worth the added difficulty to whatever trial he may have to go through to get it. He figured since he will live forever he can just learn how to do anything eventually, and if shit hits the fan he can just skedaddle with his escape tool. "I think that is all I want to wish for besides where I go."
He thinks for a few more moments to make sure of his decision. "My fourth and final wish is to be transmigrated into an au version of the MCU. I want it to follow the same general timeline as the original but with enough changes to spice it up. Finally, I want to do whatever trial I have to go through when I arrive and make it so when it is done it will be around the time Iron Man 1 starts."
"Is that all? Once you confirm there is no going back." The blueish blob asked.
While curious why ROBs color changed a bit he still answered. "Yes."
"Good! Now just to recap. Your first wish was for an eternal soul, very OP but since it was your freebie wish you don't have to "pay" for it." At this moment the blob started to look more purple than blue. "Your second wish was for an escape tool and your third wish was for knowledge of souls, you will receive both immediately but the "price" must still be paid. Additionally, the tool will be locked until you have finished your tort... trial."
Now our poor little skeleton was starting to get a bit worried because the blueberry jello wasn't blueberry anymore. No, it was now strawberry, red as blood.
"Now as for your fourth wish, it was to transmigrate to an au MCU. Since you did not specify who you would transmigrate as the transmigration itself shall become your trial." The blob of blood said with an eerily expectant tone.
It was at this moment the skeleton knew he fucked up... he confused transmigration for isekai.
"And it just so happens that there is a perfect match to be a trial for your wishes. He is someone with an "insane" desire to be free from his bounds as well as an extreme master of almost anything to do with souls in his universe." A malevolent laugh later it continues. "In the MCU you are going to he was once known as the Archangel of mercy and benevolence, Zadkiel."
//Note//
Well, that took way longer to write than I care to admit. I know that it sucked ass so I would actually appreciate a grammar nazi or two. Thank ROB for Grammarly or it would be even worse.
However, my main concern is to write an internally consistent story with a non-idiotic MC. I didn't say genius MC(he obviously isn't), but he should at least have a head on his shoulders.
Grammar and all that other crap can be improved over time but a shit story is a shit story no matter how well it's written. So keep me on my toes and be sure to rant if I fuck up.