Deserve

••• Xypher •••

I woke up in the middle of the night and stared at the ceiling of nowhere. Those weird tears are now gone but the strange pain still poking my heart.

I can't understand what was really happening to me after the unexpected rendezvous with that guy earlier at the restaurant.

"Fuck that crazy guy." I muttered.

I tried to convince myself to forget about him but his face was persistently playing around in my mind. I didn't even know that guy but then he had easily hacked and infected my system, moreover he'd brought damages and pain in my heart.

That was a mere kiss from him plus he's a stranger, but it feels like I begged for it, I begged for his touch, I begged for him and now that those are now gone, I still dumbly wanting and begging for it again.

I hardly poked my head and angrily groaned on my soft pillow, covering and preventing such noise from my mouth.

But the memories of that scene earlier was still circling in my mind.

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••••

(OPENING THE PORTAL)

TRANSFERRING YOU TO THE NEXT SCENE

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I really enjoyed the food and our sweet conversation when my phone suddenly notified and vibrated on the table. I looked at the screen as to see the caller ID of my younger brother Hanul. I looked to Gian and silently asked his permission as he sweetly motioned me to take it and excuse myself.

I immediately walk in the veranda at the back portion of the restaurant and slid the call.

"Hello Hanul, what made you call?" knowing, he was visiting the other school now for academic competition.

"Hey Xy... where are you?" hearing his voice with a strange sound from it.

"Lunch out? Do you need anything then I'll come... " leaving him my assurances that I'll give anything he want me to do. That's how I love my brother.

"Fetch me here now Xy.." there was a sadness his tone.

"Is your competition already done and where's your driver by the way?"

"Not yet... I don't feel well and I want you here instead Xy" then I heard a sob from him.

"Hey, are you crying buddy?" worries enveloped my voice.

"N-no... I'm just upset..." he croaked.

"Why? What happened?" I started to get little bit panic.

"I'll tell you later.. please Xy I don't wanna be here." his voice became more upset.

"Ok I'll be there in minutes." then I spined as to see a bearded handsome man from three or four meters away who was looking to my direction intensively, that made me feel strange somehow.

"Xy don't go here with mom." I heard Han but I was battling my eyesight at the guy.

I didn't answer Han as I looked at the guy who was really staring on my face. He muttered some word but I wasn't able to hear it. Then I saw his fists balled tightly like he was going to punch someone while he was frowning his brows at me.,

"What the hell was the problem of this guy? Why he was looking at me like that? Did I do anything bad to him? Is he going to punch me for that? And who's him by the way?" questions runs in my mind. The hell him... Should I call 911 because he was really fucking scaring me now.

Speaking of call... then I remembered, I still had Hanul on the other line as I heard him calling my attention.

"Xy are you still there.." Hanul called my attention.

Then I saw the guy who was now approaching my direction

"Yeah I won't bring mom. I'll call you later then buddy .." I responded, while stepping my feet contrarily.

"Ok Xy----" but before Hanul could finished his words I ended the call.

Then it seems I got the final step as my back hit the glass railings. I even looked down of the building as to see the terrific height where I was.

Thinking if ever I'll jump from this building just to scape from this guy, I might scatter my brain down there and I don't want to disturb those industrious community cleaner for it.

I shook my head in different direction to find a way out but then before I could run my feet he already trapped me between the glass railings and his hunk.

He leaned down more closely then my whole body unfortunately got stiffed and I couldn't push him away from me.

"What are you doing" nearly whispering my word as he seems sniffing my skin. But I got no response from him.

He looked to my eyes and stared his mesmerizing ocean blue eyes. Those eyes proves his preeminence and supremacy. Like everyone on his way should bow a head and acknowledge his presence. But most I see are guilt, worries and anger in his eyes.

He had traveled his eyes again like he was examining my whole face, then his eyes stared to my lips maliciously.

My heart skipped from the thought of what he might do next. But my premonition didn't failed me as he landed his mouthwatering lips onto my lips.

His soft yet warm lips capturing me like his naive prey. Then something pushed my eyes to close and let myself cherish the moment.

I convinced myself not to kiss him back but his kiss was blowing my system into the other dimension. Leaving my home milky way to cut-eye galaxy and forget everything I have.

A stranged kiss yet brought another amazing experience through my veins and barely affected my heart. Like there's a strong rope that connecting to his and makes me faithfully love him, despite of being stranger.

A kiss that drives me for wanting more of him, to feel more of him and to sacrifice all of me to him but suddenly he pulled the kiss and ended all my daydream. He cleared his throat as I opened my eyes, questioning why?

"I-I'm Carl and I'm r-rejecting you as my mate" while clenching his own jaw.

Then my world crashed and the massive explosion of atomic hurt wrecked my entire soul. I don't know what he's taking about, but it brought massive waves of desolation and washing me away.

Tears uncontrollably falls from my eyes, even questioning myself what the hell is happening to me and why I'm feeling this way?

I shouldn't because I didn't even know him but it felt like I was ditched by the person I'm in loved with. It surpasses all the pain I've been through and causes havoc in my soul.

He turned his back and took his way, leaving me in pain behind. I just watched his back until I can't no longer see his presence.

I clenched my fist onto my chest because of the tremendous unexplainable pain in my heart, like I'm dealing to my own death.

How does that guy place me into this miserable feeling? He's a merely stranged guy but the pain he gave enough to weaken my system and to wrack my heart into million peaces.

I silently cried for losing him but the fact that we're not in any relationship or what, it's freaking me out. He made me feel so lonely and It felt like I was betrayed by someone that I trusted for my heart.

"Why? w-what happened Xy?" I almost forgot about Gian.

His voice filled by worries while he was caressing my back and hugging my body as I cried harder on his chest.

I don't know what to reason out. Maybe if I tell him that someone just kissed me then just left me and why I'm all acting this way now he might think that I'm crazy or maybe I might hurt his feelings that I betrayed him for kissing the other guy. I don't want him to hate me for it and I don't want him to worry about it.

"Baby, is there something happened through the call? Please tell me I'm really worrying.." his voice was shaking somehow. I shook my head repeatedly as my reply.

"I'm really sorry" I only said between my sob.

I hugged him tightly and rested my head on his shoulder. I really don't want to ruin this day with Gian but I just can't control this fucking emotion I had.

"Whatever just happened , I'm sure it's not your fault baby don't worry." as he hugged me tighter.         "Stop crying Xy.. h*s d*mb*s* wo*t*le*s" he was rubbing my head, while appeasing me like a child.

I didn't heard his last three words clearly because of my hard sobs and I just buried my face in his neck.

"Gian, d-don't leave me.." I suddenly begged out of nowhere.

I tried to calm myself and wiped all my tears but the pain never left me. Like there's a sharp knife that stabbing my heart deeply.

Gian caressed my cheek and slightly eased the unexplainable pain in me.

"Never again,  I won't leave you Xy.." he said passionately.

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He guided me to his car after we had paid our bills. He opened the door for me as I immediately stepped inside of his car then he took the driver seat. He held my hand and slightly squeezed it to get my attention.

"Do you want me to bring you home for now baby?" worries never left his voice.

I looked up to him.     "Hanul need me" I simply said.

"Ok we will go to him..." then he held my face.         "Everything will be ok baby, don't worry.." while caressing my face. I felt so much calm in his touch somehow.

I fished my phone and chatted Maggie to reschedule all my stuff for this afternoon because I wasn't able to make it and just informed her that I have emergencies to comply.

After few more curves of drive, we reached the school then I saw Hanul who was sitting on the wooden bench while bowing his head. I immediately ran to his direction as he recognized my presence.

"Hey are you ok Han?" I saw some dry tears on his cheek that made me so worried.

"I don't know what is happening to me Xy." as he hugged me and buried his face in my chest. I responded his hug and gave his back a gentle caresses.

I can't understand what he's trying to say but I know he's really upset and he's not on the mood to talk about it, so I'll just leave that to him for now. I know Hanul very well, if he's ready to talk about it he will come to me immediately.

Just like that, we were both bothered coincidentally by the improbable situation. I know he's much a fighter to conquer everything than I was. But I'm still worrying for what is the real reason that made him so upset. It couldn't be just a school fight problem because he's not much a trouble maker. The reason might be deeper than that.

"Everything will be ok buddy, don't worry.. " I'm sounded like Gian, per half convincing myself the same way.

Seeing Hanul in his situation it added pain in my heart. I hardly controlled not to cry and composed myself not to show my sadness cause I don't want him to see my weakness point.

"What if we go for some ice cream.. I saw some ice cream shop down there if you like.. " Gian boomed.

Hanul immediately looked beaming his eyes to Gian then looked back to me with questions in his eyes, but he didn't spilled it.

I know he can't remember Gian because he was a merely little kid since the first time he met Gian in our house.

"What is he doing here Xy? I thought Gian was now based in the America, doing his modeling career" then I was wrong about my thought.

"How did you recognize him?"

"Seriously you're going to ask that? Well I still remember him even I was merely little kid since then"

("How does he read my mind?") I thought..

"Plus his face was the content of every phone wallpaper of my bitches classmates,, that made him really recognizable" then my mouth got parted.

"I'm sorry..." Gian mouthed his words at me, while grinning widely.

"Oh??" I only replied to Hanul as he nodded his word "Yeah"

"So, shall we--" but Gian was ended.

"Your treat.." Hanul interjected, not even asking it.          "You know, I forgot my extra money for it.." showing the tongue of his pockets, then I just laughed weakly.

"I can approve you some loan from me.." Gian teased as Hanul pouted his lips

"K, I'll name Xy as a guarantor immediately" pointing his finger to me.

Gian slightly slouched himself as his face leveled to Hanul.

"I'm just messing up with you kid.." then he rubbed the hair of my brother.    "I'll treat you all the flavors you want.." Gian spoiled.

Hanul rose his left brow,      "You know, I'm not a fan of people who called me kid, but because its your treat, count it.. so shall we go.." as he pulled my hand and Gian's arm, until we reached the car.

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After we finished and indulged our ice creams which Hanul ordered his favorite rockey road and cokkies&cream while Gian ordered us some coffee&nuts and strawberry, we pulled over and took our way to usher Hanul in my parents house.

Hanul got fast asleep in the car so Gian insisted to carried him inside the house. Seeing only our house workers are there and no sign of my mom and I know that dad was still working in his office.

We entered Hanul's room as to see the big changes of his room like it was a long time ago the last time I visited the house and everything became so new to me again. Somehow I missed being here but I got to be independent now.

Gian carefully laid my brother on the huge bed as I covered the soft sheets onto his body. I pushed aside all the messed hair on his angelic sleepy face and kissed his forehead.

"Sleep tight buddy" I muttered before Gian and I exited his room.

I walked across the long hallway as Gian followed closely behind. Until I was facing the front door of my old room.

I twisted the knob and opened it widely as to see the same look and theme of it, like this was the only portion of the house that never changed.

I walked closely to my old bed and feel the clean sheets of it.

I really missed this room and all my memories I had here, most about Aly. I can still see him in my imaginary that he's jumping on my bed, while banging my pillows on my head just to wake me up and sometimes he tend to serve my breakfast on the bed when I don't feel to go downstairs.

Then another tears fell from my eyes not just because I missed Aly but also the loneliness and the unexplainable pain I got from that fucking strange guy.

He made me feel the feelings of losing someone repeatedly while stabbing my heart continuously. I tried to wipe my tears but it doesn't stop the continuous rain of tears from my eyes.

Gian held my shoulders then pulled me as he hugged me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Xy... " his voice filled by sincere worries.

I felt really guilty, that I'm dragging him to my pain. He don't deserve this and he don't deserve someone weak like me.

"G-Gian you don't---"

"Ssshhh don't say it Xy.. I won't leave you no matter what" like he red my mind and his hug became tighter.    "You're the only one I deserved baby.." he added.

I turned to faced him as to see his now red shot eyes that made me feel even more guilty. I held his face with a tremulous hands and carefully banged my forehead to his.

"I love you but I don't know what is really happening to me... and I don't want to drag you in this pain.." I said with tremor in my voice.

"Your pain is my pain as well... and I don't want to leave you there alone again." He yanked my body as he jailed me to his tight hug.         "I won't... and I'll never leave you again baby." leaving me his sincere assurance.

"G-Gian...." I muttered on his chest.

Honestly, big part of me didn't want to lose him either.

"I love you Xy.. " as he guided my face to looked up to him.

"I love you too Gian.." then he kissed my lips gently that instantly eased me from hell.

"Just take some rest Xy.." as he guided me on the bed then laid himself next to me, while hugging him and burying my face in his neck. Until darkness consumed me.