69. Chapter 69

Castiel could hear it. The soft, familiar voice in the back of his head, tugging at his grace, whispering his name. Never loud, never demanding, because that wasn’t the way that Sam Winchester was. It was just persistent, and that was what caught Castiel’s attention. Sam didn’t give up easily. He would not stop calling out to Castiel until the angel went to see what was wrong.

Sending Gabriel wouldn’t suffice this time. Castiel needed to go himself and see what was wrong, but first things first. He hummed softly to Dean, gently swaying the baby back and forth. Dean’s eyelashes fluttered, the tension in his body melting away as he succumbed to sleep and became boneless in Castiel’s arms. Smiling, Castiel stepped closer to the crib and lowered Dean into it. Dean curled up around his bee, burying his face in the wings, but otherwise remained asleep.

Such a sweet baby. He pulled the blanket up over Dean’s shoulders, making sure it didn’t ruffle his feathers, and smoothed Dean’s hair away from his forehead. It surprised him that Dean had taken so well to the crib. Castiel had expected, at the very least, some protesting, but Dean seemed to like, or didn’t mind, the bars enough so that Castiel thought he might put the fourth side up shortly.

He switched on the mobile and crept out of the room, leaving the door open a crack. There he paused a moment, listening to be sure that Dean wouldn’t immediately wake up again. It had happened once or twice. Dean hadn’t slept well since the attack; he was having terrible nightmares that not even drinking grace beforehand was stopping. He slept better when he was held, but realistically Castiel and Gabriel couldn’t spend forever holding him.

“You’re going?” Gabriel asked, voice soft, as Castiel walked into the living room. He was sprawled across the couch with Sparks on his chest. Castiel looked at him, amused, as Gabriel slowly wiggled a feather in front of the kitten. Sparks stared at it intently, butt wiggling, before pounding. Gabriel pulled the feather out of reach just in time, missing the sharp claws.

“She’s going to scratch you,” Castiel said.

“I got stabbed by Lucifer, Cassie. I’ve had worse.”

“Yet you’ll whine more about this,” Castiel replied, rolling his eyes.

“See what I put up with?” Gabriel said to Sparks. “The abuse I put up with?”

“You’re so dramatic,” Castiel said.

Gabriel smirked at him. “Yet you love me anyway.”

“I love your baby-sitting skills,” Castiel agreed. “Yes, I am going. I know you saw Sam recently, and I don’t think anything’s wrong, but I want to go check just to be sure.”

“Give my love to him,” Gabriel said, wiggling the feather in front of Sparks again. Gabriel’s yelp of pain as Sparks pounced and got her claws into his wings was the last thing Castiel heard before he spread his own wings and flew. He laughed to himself the whole flight.

Stanford University was a very attractive place. Castiel had never been there before, but, quickly flying over it to get a bird’s eye view, he found it to be pleasant. He landed in an alley and emerged quietly, finding it much easier to blend in with humans than he had when he’d first come to Earth. Dean and Sam had been a positive influence on him. No one gave his jeans and blue sweater a second glance.

He could feel Sam better now that he was closer. He’d deliberately landed close, but not so close that Sam would get uncomfortable or that another human might see something weird. Castiel had learned his lesson on that one. He began walking, spreading his senses and making his way towards where Sam was, and shortly found himself standing outside of a building.

Through the windows, he could see a class. The professor was at the front of the room, hands linked behind her back, facing the students and talking about something called homework. Most of the students were paying attention. A few weren’t, including, much to Castiel’s surprise, Sam. Instead, Sam had his head down on his desk. It couldn’t have been comfortable since Sam had to pretty much bend in half to get his head on the desk, but he’d managed. And he didn’t sit up again until the professor dismissed the class.

Castiel narrowed his eyes, watching closely. Some of the students shot to their feet and scurried out immediately, rushing to get to other classes or obligations. Others lingered to speak to the professor or to each other, laughing and joking. In the midst of the chaos stood Sam, slowly getting to his feet and putting his backpack on his chair. He kept his head down and didn’t look at anyone, methodically piling his books back into the bag. When he was finished, he trudged out of the room. No one gave him a second glance; it was like Sam was invisible, or operating on a different wavelength than everyone else.

Something was wrong. This didn’t line up with the descriptions that Sam had given to Dean. Castiel had been present for some of those conversations. Sam had always spoken fondly and excitedly of his classes, his friends and his work. It was those conversations that had upset Dean so much, thinking that his brother was leaving him behind. But Sam wasn’t looking or acting happy right now. If anything, he seemed… withdrawn.

Castiel followed as Sam went to his next class, where he observed similar behavior. Though there were plenty of students, Sam didn’t greet anyone as he made his way up to a chair in the back of the room. He sat down silently and placed a book on the desk along with a notepad. At least in this class he looked like he was ready to pay attention, yet he didn’t interact with anyone. It was so unusual for one of the Winchester brothers, who drew people – not just women – to them like moths to a flame.

When the second class was over, and Sam had quietly made his way out, Castiel decided it was time to make his presence known. He stood near the door, watching the students that came out, and stepped forward when Sam emerged. Up close, his concern deepened. There were circles under Sam’s eyes that suggested he hadn’t been sleeping well. Perhaps he’d been having nightmares too?

“Sam,” Castiel said. He didn’t shout, didn’t even raise his voice, but, though he was pretty sure they were unaware of it, Sam and Dean had grown attuned to his voice a long time ago. He could whisper and they would both look to him to see what he’d said.

Sure enough, Sam’s head snapped around. His eyes widened when he saw Castiel. “Cas! What are you – is something wrong with Dean?” His voice was full of fear.

Castiel softened, wrapping an arm and a wing around Sam’s shoulders. He could see what Gabriel meant when it came to Sam. If Dean didn’t need so much attention, Castiel would’ve considered taking Sam as a nestling as well. But he thought that would be unfair to both boys. Dean was only just getting used to accepting affection and needed pretty much everything Castiel could give, whereas Sam deserved to have someone who was devoted solely to him. Making the brother’s feel like they were competing again would not help the situation; it would only make things worse, since that was what John Winchester used to do.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Castiel said gently. Sam was – would be – his nephew, and a friend beside. There was nothing wrong with taking devoting a few moments to him. There was something wrong, just not with Dean, and Castiel intended to figure out what it was.

Sam blinked in confusion, hefting his bag higher. “Then… why are you here?”

“I haven’t seen you since the attack. I thought I’d come make sure you were doing okay,” Castiel replied. “Besides, I’ve never seen this place. And I can’t exactly go off of Gabriel’s descriptions, since I’m certain that your dorm room isn’t the size of a closet.”

Sam laughed, eyes brightening. “No, not exactly. Gabriel’s just being pissy because I wouldn’t let him magically enlarge it. I told him I barely spend any time there so there’s no point, but would he listen?” He shook his head. “He’d be better off coming up with some way for me to magically find any books I need. Seems what I need is always checked out of the library.”

“I wouldn’t mention that unless you want it to actually happen,” Castiel said. “Would you have some time to show me around?”

“I have a work shift in twenty minutes. But we could go the long way,” Sam said. He moved away from the doors and Castiel followed, dropping his arm but keeping his wing wrapped protectively around Sam’s shoulders. Dean had told him what had happened to Sam last time, how the demon had infested Sam’s roommate and ultimately killed Sam’s girlfriend. He couldn’t help wondering if that was one of the reasons behind Sam’s lack of friends now.

Because as they walked and Sam talked, gesturing to the occasional building on campus, there was really no mention of companionship. Despite what he’d told Dean, Sam didn’t talk about a partner, or friends, or even classmates. Castiel listened carefully, but the only people Sam mentioned were his professors, his academic advisor, and the staff he worked with at the coffee shop.

“Do you like it here?” Castiel asked curiously when Sam paused to take a breath.

Sam seemed surprised at the question. “I, uh, yeah. I guess. It’s weird to come back after hunting for so long. Kinda hard to wrap my brain around a civilian way of life.” He looked away, eyes sweeping the colorful trees. “I almost ganked this poor girl who walked up behind me one night.”

Castiel winced. “But you didn’t?”

“No, no, I stopped myself. She’s kept her distance, though. It’s probably for the best. I’m not really feeling any relationships right now,” Sam said.

“And what about after you graduate?” Castiel asked.

“What do you mean?” Sam said. He stopped walking, so Castiel stopped as well.

“I just wondered what you intended to do, that’s all. Dean said something about law school, but I wasn’t sure if that’s where your interests still ran,” Castiel said mildly.

“Of course. I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer,” Sam said. But he didn’t sound enthusiastic. His voice came out wooden. “I missed my interview the first time around.”

“I heard,” Castiel murmured, eyeing him. He may not know much about humans, but he knew Sam Winchester almost as well as he knew Dean. And what he was seeing right now suggested that Sam was not interested in law school, or even in graduating from Stanford. Sam, Castiel thought, was getting as burnt out as Dean had been back when Castiel first came to him. Yet he also knew that Sam wouldn’t give up, determination and spite driving him forward.

“Yeah, I’m sure you did.” Sam sighed and started moving again, taking longer strides and changing the subject. “So… so Dean’s really okay? I know Gabriel told me that he was, but…”

“He’s fine. It helped when I told him that Meg and the other demons have been dealt with,” Castiel said, keeping up easily. “Some nightmares, but that’s not surprising.”

“No, I guess not,” Sam said. “Will he… um, I’d like to see him again.” He turned his head, looking hopeful.

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Castiel said. Dean would probably fuss, because he was feeling littler than ever and he wouldn’t be happy with Sam seeing him that way. But Castiel could think of a way to persuade him.

Sam exhaled and smiled. “I’d like that, thanks Cas. I believe you guys, but it would make me feel better if I could see it with my own two eyes. Last I saw him, he was surrounded in a ring of holy fire and I know what that shit can do to you guys.”

“Fortunately, Balthazar got there before Dean was harmed.” Castiel could feel the tugging at his grace finally easing now that Sam had received confirmation that Dean was truly okay. He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. The Winchester brothers were both so worried about each other that they barely stopped to think about themselves. That kind of concern, while charming, could also be destructive.

“I figured, but you never know. Balthazar’s a prick, but he did look pretty cool. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry,” said Sam.

“I don’t think Balthazar knew he could get that angry,” Castiel replied, smiling. They’d come to a smaller building through which a constant stream of people came and went. Those that emerged were clutching coffee cups. Sam jerked his thumb towards it.

“I gotta go, but… call me, okay? About meeting up.”

“I will.”

“Great. Bye, Cas.” Sam waved and then headed up the steps, looking considerably more cheerful than he had when Castiel met him that morning. Castiel watched him go, a frown tugging at his lips. Only when Sam was inside and couldn’t be seen anymore, did he spread his wings and fly away.