13. Chapter 13

For the next week, every night Dean would retire to bed a couple of hours early and spend that time alone with his head bent over the screen of his laptop, searching through the internet to find out more information. When it was actually time for him to sleep, Castiel would come into the room with the sippy cup of grace, prying the laptop out of Dean's fingers, and read a couple chapters of Harry Potter. Without fail, by the time he was finished the second chapter, Dean would be sound asleep.

Much to Castiel's private surprise, the research Dean was doing really did seem to be making him more comfortable with what was going on. Not that he was any more okay with physical affection, and he still looked at Castiel with curiosity sometimes, like he couldn't understand why this was happening, but he stopped arguing as much as he had. He didn't fight the bath, or the pull-ups, or the sippy cup, or even when Castiel put his bee on the bed beside him at night.

Castiel's initial, unvoiced fear, which was that even after some research Dean would deem the whole thing stupid and embarrassing and refuse to go along with it, didn't seem like it was going to come to pass. And after a whole week of a surprisingly peaceful coexistence, he decided that it was time for the both of them to get out of the nest for a while.

The sun was shining as he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. It was a lovely day, easily warm enough for Dean to be able to swim, and Castiel smiled as he turned back. Dean was still standing inside, his arms crossed, and Castiel said, "Are you coming?"

"Where?"

"I thought we would go for a walk. I can tell you're getting restless, Dean. You're not used to being inside for such long periods of time. Some exercise will do us both good."

Dean looked over Castiel's shoulder at the woods. His struggle was written all over his face. He clearly wanted to go, but something was holding him back. "I don't want anyone to - No, I'm not going."

"No one will see you, Dean," Castiel said gently, correctly guessing what was worrying his little boy if Dean's flinch was any indication. "I told you before, when I built our nest, I made sure that it was isolated. We are miles away from the nearest cabin, and the only other person who knows where we are is Gabriel."

He still didn't look convinced. "But... look at me."

Castiel openly looked him up and down, not seeing anything wrong. Dean was dressed in black shorts today because of the heat, which had been paired with a green t-shirt that had a picture of a cowboy on it. He was also wearing sneakers. As far as Castiel was concerned, he looked adorable. But Dean had his arms folded across his chest in an attempt to hide the picture and his cheeks were stained an embarrassed pink. He was practically cringing.

"Dean." Castiel stepped back into the house and reached out to cup Dean's cheek. It was almost imperceptible, but Dean leaned into the touch just a little and Castiel sang with internal joy. Out loud, he said, "If you're not ready for this, I understand. But I'm your daddy. I will never let anything hurt you. I will know if anyone approaches us. No one will see you until you're okay with it."

"What if I never am?" Dean shot back. His bottom lip was trembling a bit, and he licked his lips quickly as though to make it stop. "I... I can't stop thinking about how weird it is. I'm a frigging adult."

"I know it would be easier on you if I changed your physical body to reflect that of your mental age, but I can't do that. Not only would the grace you're consuming kill a child, but it would mean taking away your consent. You're here because you want this, right?"

Dean grew still. His eyes met Castiel's. "I... yes?"

"And you trust me?" Castiel asked, genuinely wanting to know. He could see how hard this was for Dean, and it hurt. It shouldn't be this hard for Dean to understand that someone wanted to love him. It shouldn't have had to come to this point in the first place.

It took a long time for Dean to answer, but finally he whispered, "Yes."

"I trust you, too, and I love you, Dean."

He could see the physical way that Dean reacted to those words, his face going white, and reached forward, wrapping an arm around Dean's shoulders to support him. "You're a good boy," he whispered into Dean's ear. "Daddy's good little boy, Dean. Daddy loves you and I'm so, so proud of you. I know this has been hard for you. You've been alone for so long that you don't even remember what it's like to be able to lean on someone. That won't happen again."

Even if he had to first break Dean down to the bare, intimate, vulnerable layers that Dean Winchester had sworn no one would ever see, he would teach Dean that he could depend on someone, that Castiel had been and always would be there. That he could let go, because Castiel would catch him.

It took a long time for Dean to stop shaking and regain his composure. When he did, he lifted a hand and rubbed his eyes. "Maybe... maybe just a little ways."

"Are you sure? We can inside and paint instead, if you want."

"No. I..." Dean hesitated, glancing out the door again. His eyes lingered on the trees. "I don't want to go far."

"We can turn back as soon as you want to," Castiel promised. He waited for Dean to take the first step forward, wondering if he had misjudged. Maybe this really was too soon and Dean wasn't ready after all. It was one thing to try acting like a little kid inside the nest, but something else entirely to take that dynamic outside.

But Dean took one step and then another, leading the way out the door onto the porch. Castiel shut the door behind them, though he didn't bother to lock it. He continued to watch Dean out of the corner of his eye, noticing that Dean's hands were opening and closing nervously. Impulsively, Castiel reached out and took his hand.

"You need to hold Daddy's hand so you don't get lost."

The look on Dean's face would have made him laugh under any other circumstances, but in this case Castiel pretended not to notice. He moved forward, down the steps and onto the dirt, and right before he would've actually been pulling Dean along, Dean followed. He didn't step up next to Castiel but stayed behind him, like a little kid trying to hide behind their daddy's legs.

Castiel suppressed a warm smile and squeezed Dean's hand lightly before he started to walk. Their feet crunched lightly over a few fallen leaves on the path. The air smelled sweet, like pine leaves and flowers, and Castiel could detect a faint hint of honey and hear the buzzing of bees. He could also hear rustling in the bushes that indicated there was other animal life around them: squirrels, foxes, rabbits, birds, possibly even a possum or two.

They walked in silence for about five minutes. Slowly, the tension in Dean eased and he started to relax. He stepped up beside Castiel and looked around with more interest instead of keeping his gaze on the ground. It had been a long time since Dean had taken a walk in the woods just for the fun of it, not since he and Sam were little kids hiding out in a hunting cabin while their father tried to hunt down a wendigo.

"That's lavender," Castiel said, pointing to the right side of the path as they came to a fork. A small crop of purple flowers had sprouted.

Dean made a face. "I don't care about flowers. What's that?"

Castiel cocked his head, though he already guessed what had caught Dean's attention. From where they were standing, the sound of the lake was just audible to human ears. "I told you that we were near water."

"Can we go see?" Dean asked.

"Of course. It's this way." Castiel gestured to the left, leading Dean down that path. In less than three minutes, the path curved sharply and then the trees opened up to reveal the lake about twenty feet away. It wasn't very large, fed by underground springs, but it was surrounded on all sides by forest. Unless someone was already aware of its existence, it would've been nearly impossible to stumble across it accidentally.

"Wow," Dean breathed, his eyes wide like the lake was the best thing he'd ever seen. About halfway between the path where they stood and the water began, the grass turned to sand. He tugged his hand free and ran, not for the water, but for the sand, dropping to one knee and grabbing a handful.

"You like playing with sand?" Castiel asked, not upset that Dean had pulled away from him. As long as Dean stayed within his view, he was more than willing to let his little boy play to his heart's content. Besides, he knew from watching Dean's memories that Dean was an excellent swimmer. Both he and Sam had been taught at a very early age.

"It's cool. I taught Sammy how to make the best sandcastles."

"The next time we come, I'll bring some toys. Then you can make all the sandcastles that you want."

Dean spread his fingers, letting the sand trickle through. He didn't say anything. When it was all gone, he dusted his hands off and stood up. "Can I go swimming?"

"Yes. Give me your shorts and your t-shirt, and take your sneakers off."

He obeyed, kicking his sneakers off and then pulling his socks and shorts off. When he was down to just his shirt and the pull-up, he started to take the pull-up off first.

"No, Dean."

"But I can't swim in this!"

"Yes you can. I guessed that you would want to go swimming, and that pull-up is designed specifically for that," Castiel said calmly. He wasn't against Dean swimming naked. But a little boy who wasn't potty trained would have worn a pull-up to go swimming, and so would Dean.

"No one's gonna see me," Dean argued.

"That's not the point."

"But it's not like I'm actually gonna go in it!"

"Dean," Castiel said sternly. "That's enough. You can either go swimming as you are or not at all, the choice is yours."

Dean scowled so ferociously that, for a moment, Castiel expected him to choose the latter. Instead, he yanked his shirt off, threw it on the ground, and stomped off towards the water. Castiel sighed and bent to pick up the shirt, giving it a flap to remove the grains of sand that now clung to it.

At first Dean inched into the water, which was likely still cold at this time of the day even though the sun was shining. Then he suddenly ducked under, letting a wave wash over his head. When he surfaced, shaking his head like a puppy, he started to swim laps back and forth. Castiel sat down on the ground with a neat pile of Dean's clothing beside him, keeping a watchful eye on his charge.

Eventually Dean lost interest in swimming laps and started to play. He pried rocks out of the wet sand near the shore just to see how far he could throw them. He tried multiple times to sneak up on the tiny fish that lived in the lake, letting out a frustrated whine every time the fish sensed his presence and scattered. Then, apparently tired, he sat down so that he was only waist deep in water and giggled whenever a wave was strong enough to knock him off balance.

It was adorable, and it was a good thing that Dean wasn't watching him because there was no way Castiel could have hidden his smile this time. Dean was finally acting like a little kid, and listening to the sound of his giggles, Castiel never wanted it to end.