Chapter 15

Asher

I can't. No, please.

"Pull the fucking trigger, Asher Ford, and kill me!"

I hoist the gun in my shaky hands, piss dripping down my legs, drenching my blue trousers.

"Please, don't let me do this," I beg as I hold the gun to my brother's head.

I look over at my beaten mother who lies on the floor, her dress is drenched in blood.

My throat went dry, my eyes were blurry and my mind was overused.

"You don't have the balls, Asher. Look at you. Pissing yourself," my brother spits out those words.

He's right. I can't. I'm so afraid. Too scared that he easily pulls out the gun from my hand.

"Should've shot me when you had the chance," he remarks, and then he fires.

Fires the revolver.

I yell and wake up. I'm drenched in sweat and my chest drops and rises with every hard breath that I take.

I hear a small scream and when I look to my side, there's Scarlett. She stands by the side of the bed. She flinches, eyes wide. For the first time she looks scared.

"I didn't mean to startle you," I start but when I realize, I narrow my eyes in confusion.

"What are you doing in my room?"

She shakes her head and sits down on my bed. "I heard you screaming. Are you okay?"

I snarl and wake up, pushing her off my bed to the floor.

She lands hard, hitting her elbows on the floor. I expect her to be angry but she looks scared. Scared of me.

She stares at me, gawking at my face.

"What's the problem, Scarlett?"

She doesn't speak, instead, she lifts a finger and points at me.

Me? I narrow my eyes again. Oh, she's pointing at my face. I bring both my hands to my face and that's when I realize why she's so scared.

I feel the metal of my mask. I have my face mask on. I have no idea how I have put it on, but there, on my face sits my ruined mask. It has a few scars here and there with only my lips, blonde hair, and blue eyes visible to her.

"Look, I'm sorry." I pull out my mask and leave it on the bed. "It's me, Ash."

She nods her head and gulps. I probably put the mask on in my sleep.

I scoff and go pick her up from the floor.

"I'm okay," she answers while pulling her white sleeping shorts over her ass.

White? That's new.

"Are you okay?" she asks me and I clench my jaw.

She's in no position to ask me questions.

I rip off my shirt and throw the useless material to the floor. I pull down my sweatpants and discard them on the rug.

"Are you just going to ignore me? I'm here to help you."

"Oh really? The last time I checked, you were working for the CIA," I snarl into her face.

She doesn't back away though. "Oh yeah. Well the last time I checked, you fucked me in the bathroom, your dick getting hard over and over again for me."

I laugh. "You got me confused with Grayson," I spit.

She tilts her head in confusion. "Grayson?"

Oh shit. Was I not supposed to say how he got around her?

"The dude likes you okay," I admit.

"Oh yeah? Well, he got a funny way of showing it."

I smile and pull out the blanket from the bed.

She walks to my side and touches my shoulder. "Can we not talk about Grayson?"

I give in and nod my head.

I sit down at the edge of my bed and she hops down next to me.

I take a deep breath in, hesitating.

"I'm here for you, Ash. I hope you know that. Sometimes, you need to open up and let out those demons before they start haunting you and eating you alive."

I listen to her. She does make sense.

"I had a brother. He was always abusive towards my mother. Usually, It's your dad who abuses your mum, but in my case, it was different."

She rests a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that."

I nod my head, thunder rolling outside. "I cried silently. My brother was on drugs and when he needed cash to buy some more, he asked my mum, and when she didn't have..."

I stopped, sniveling and clearing my throat before I continued.

"He should throw his tantrums, his punches along with it. One day, when I was sixteen, I decided to do something about it. I came to the kitchen, seeing my mother drenched in blood, begging that she has no money. I pulled the gun from my brother's hand and pointed it at him," I stop, trying to get my words together.

"You shot him," She guesses and I drop my head.

"No. I was too afraid to pull it. He was still my brother at the end of the day."

I'll be lying if I said that it doesn't hurt, doesn't haunt me every night. Having those nightmares. Reliving that moment over and over again. I stand up and walk towards the wall.

"My brother knew I couldn't pull the trigger, so he snatched the gun from my hand. He said that I should've shot him when I had the chance. God, I wish I did," I shout, punching the wall hard, satisfied with the sound of my knuckles breaking, as blood fell from them.

I hear Scarlett run towards me and quickly yanks my hand away from me to her.

"Don't be a fucking idiot," she whispers while taking her shirt and wiping the blood on it.

"When he had the gun in his hand, he pointed it at my mother and…shot her. I know he was high, but still. He shot my mother in front of me. I swear I ran to her side, holding her motionless body in my hand...I got up and I pulled the gun from his hand. With all the anger that was inside of me, I unleashed it and shot him over and over again."

That night, I lost the two most important people to me.

"That's why you got into crime. That's why you became a criminal," she starts putting the pieces together, and I nod.

After I had killed my brother, I started killing more and more, taking my anger out on anyone as I picture them as him.

"No more questions. Can we just...sleep? Sleep with me please," I whisper, broken.

I don't expect her to understand, but when she nods and pulls me towards the bed, my heart melts.

"Star," I whisper. She smiles at me as we settle on the bed, and she sleeps in my arms.