43. Chapter Forty-Three

Blake scooped up his daughter and kissed her on top of the head before walking over to the couch and holding his hand out to Waverly. “Blake.”

Heather spoke up before either Nicole or Waverly had a chance.

“This is Waverly Earp, the love of Nicole’s life.”

Blake looked back his sister with a smirk and a raised eyebrow before turning back to Waverly and taking her outstretched hand and bringing it to his lips. Reminding Waverly every bit of the first time she met Trent and Joseph.

She wondered if the rest of the Haughts were as charming, as smooth as Nicole, her two brothers and her Grandpa.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Waverly Earp.”

Waverly ducked her head to hide a blush. “It’s nice to meet you too, Blake.”

“So, Bug,” Blake turned his attention to the little girl in his arms and plopped down on the couch on the other side of his wife, monioning for Nicole to have a seat. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Pizza!” Hunter said through a fit of laughter as Blake tickled her.

“Pizza? We had pizza last night, Bug. How about hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill?”

Hunter puffed out her cheeks then smiled at her father. “Kay.”

“I can’t believe you call her Bug,” Nicole said with a shake of her head as she sat on the floor in front of Waverly, leaning back into Waverly’s leg. Joel crawled into her lap the second she sat down and Nicole scratched behind his ears as soon as he settled.

Waverly’s hands automatically fell to Nicole’s shoulders, fingers working the tense muscles there absentmindedly.

Whenever Nicole was within reach, Waverly had to touch her in some way or another, whether it was just their thighs pressed against each other’s, their pinkies intertwined, or simply their shoulders brushing.

Sometimes she didn’t even realize she was doing it, she was just drawn to Nicole, felt this undeniable need to touch her, to feel her, make sure she was actually there.

Nicole said that sometimes she felt like they were a dream and she’d wake up and be alone. Truth was Waverly felt the same way and maybe that was why she always felt the need to touch Nicole, make sure she was there.

Things with Nicole seemed too good to be true at times, felt like a fairy tail and sometimes Waverly was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Nicole to just up and leave her like so many others.

She knew it was her abandonment issues that was more than likely the cause of her needing to touch Nicole, needing that reassurance that Nicole was still there.

“I assume there’s a story there?”  Waverly asked, looking over at Blake, who was watching them with a small smile before she turned her attention back to Nicole, smiling at the way Nicole leaned into her touch.

“I was the original Bug,” Nicole said, leaning her head back to look at her. “I was, I don’t know four or five and I had an obsession with bugs. So Blake being the very original and imaginative older brother he was, started calling me Bug.”

“It wasn’t just an obsession with bugs, okay?” Blake grinned, leaning forward so Waverly could see him clearly. “She wanted to be an Entomologist. Would check out books on bugs at the library and have them read to her as a bedtime story.”

She could see Nicole as a kid in Joseph’s backyard hunting down and identifying different types of bugs, with goggles and a magnifying glass.

With each new thing Waverly learned about Nicole as kid, the more she wished they had grown up together. That she had the honor to watch Nicole grow into the beautiful, amazing person she is now.

“That’s adorable.” Waverly smiled, leaning down and kissing Nicole’s forehead. “You’re adorable.”

Nicole blushed and turned her head to the side to look at her brother. “That still doesn’t explain why you call Hunter bug.”

It still amazed Waverly that for all her confidence, all her smooth talk and swagger, that Nicole turned into a blushing mess with a single comment. It still amazed her that she could turn Nicole into a blushing mess.

“She loves bugs too, maybe more than you did.” Blake shook his head with a small smile. “Sometimes I’m sure she’s your kid and not mine. She’s so much like you, Nicole.”

Blake kissed his daughter’s head, who was too busy playing with his phone to notice. “She has that same moral compass you had a kid. She sticks up for other kids the way you did for Trent. She is just like you and I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”

Waverly could see the tears glistening in Nicole’s eyes as she stared at her niece, a smile gracing her lips.

Nicole pushed the sliding glass door open and stepped out onto the back porch with two beers, finding her brother standing in front of the grill, a cigarette in his hand as he stared out into the backyard, watching Joel run around.

He didn’t seem to notice her presence, so she just stood there, studying him.

It had been three years since she last saw her brother and he hadn’t changed that much other than maybe putting on a bit more muscle and having a better hair style.

He was never the best brother in the world but he was light years better than Owen and Mike. He tried his best and that was more than Owen, Mike, and her sister Hayley had ever done.

“You know, I can feel your eyes on me,” Blake said, not even bothering to look at her as he took a drag of his cigarette. “Also you weren’t exactly quiet coming out.”

“Anyone ever tell you, you’d make a good cop?” Nicole asked with a chuckle, stepping closer to him and leaning against the porch railing, placing his beer in front of him and grabbing the cigarette from her brother. “Your wife know you smoke?”

She stared at the burning end of the cigarette before bringing it to her lips and taking a drag from it, handing it back to Blake as she exhaled the smoke.

“Your girlfriend know you do?” He asked, flicking the ash over the porch railing and glancing over at her as he picked his beer up.

Nicole shrugged. “I haven’t touched one since I was a teenager. Guess this town brings out old habits.”

She never really cared for smoking, only ever did it as a teenager to piss her father off. Joke was on her though, he didn’t even care. He took one look at her with a cigarette at the age of fifteen and walked away with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

She remember when her grandpa caught her smoking. He hadn’t said anything either, always one to let her make her own choices, own mistakes and let her learn from them, but the disappointment in his eyes was enough to make her put the cigarette out and throw the pack and lighter away.

“This town brings out the worst in people, in our family.”

Nicole didn’t say anything because he was right and there was no point in lying about it, not when they both knew the truth.

“It might, but Heather and Hunter bring out the best in you, anyone can see that,” Nicole said, grabbing the spatula off the side of the grill and rolling the hot dogs away from the flames. “You’re a good father.”

It was clear in the hour or so she spent watching Blake with Hunter that he was a good father, so much better than their own, so much like their grandpa.

It was a relief to see for herself that he was nothing like their father, that her niece would be able to grow up to be whoever she wanted without fear of her father hating her for it.

“You think?”

There’s doubt in his tone and worry in his big brown eyes and Nicole realized she’s not the only one worried about becoming her father, being anything like him.

“You love your daughter, Blake. It’s obvious and the way she runs around talking about being a firefighter and you encourage her and tell her she’s gonna be the best firefighter there ever was, our father didn’t do that, he wouldn’t.”

Nicole squeezed his shoulder and took a sip from her beer bottle. “It seems like you’re doing everything right.”

He looked away from her and sniffled. She pretended not to notice him wiping at his eyes.

“I’m sorry I never reached out to you,” he said, taking the spatula from her and flipping the burgers on the grill, passing the cigarette back to her.

She stared at it once again before putting it out against the railing, watching the black mark it made along the white paint.

“I didn’t know if it would be welcome and I didn’t even know where to start, what to say.” He rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand. “God, Nicole, I spent so many nights going over what I’d say to you but nothing I ever came up with felt good enough.”

He sighed deeply and glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. “I used to stare at your number in my phone, trying to work up the nerve to call you but I chickened out each and every time.”

She had never known her brother to be scared of anything, to back down from anything. Usually when he set his mind to something, he accomplished whatever it was, no matter what stood in his way.

“It was easy living in ignorant bliss, you know? The not knowing if you’d ever forgive me or not was better than the reality of you never forgiving me.” He wrapped one finger around the neck of his beer bottle and brought it up to his lips, holding it just like their father.

“You thought I wouldn’t forgive you? You were scared that I wouldn’t forgive you?”

“Honestly?” He looked over at her then continued when she nodded. “I think I was more afraid that you would forgive me even when I didn’t deserve your forgiveness, your trust.”

“Forgiveness, I can give you, but trust? That’s something you’ll have to earn.”

Forgiveness was easy. She learned to forgive but never forget at a young age. But trust? It was hard to gain her trust, even harder to get it back once it had been lost.

Most of her family had lost her trust years ago and would likely never get it back but Blake? He may not have completely lost her trust but he would have to work for her to fully trust him in the same way she trusted Trent.

“I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust. I wanna be a part of your life, I want you to be a part of Hunter’s life,” Blake said as he pulled the hot dogs off the grill and placed them in a disposable foil pan Nicole was holding for him. “I want her to know you. I want her to see that even though the world is cruel to you doesn't mean you have to let it make you cruel. I want her to be able to grow up looking up to someone like you.”

She never knew that Blake thought so highly of her, of the person she had become. Part of her wondered how he knew the type of person she had become. Was it their grandpa? Trent? Did it even really matter?

She’s always wanted to be apart of her niece’s life and now she was getting a chance to. She shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“I’ll always be there for her,” she promised him, unable to keep the grin off her face when he smiled at her.

Waverly sat on a swing on Blake’s back porch after dinner, watching Nicole and Hunter kick a soccer ball around, smiling and laughing like they’ve spent everyday together, like Nicole hadn’t been missing in Hunter’s life.

She guessed that just how Nicole was. Nicole was able to make everyone she was around feel at ease, feel like they belonged, like she knew them even if they had only just met.

It was a gift that only Nicole seemed to possess. It was a gift Waverly had been on the receiving end of when she first met Nicole. A gift that certainly helped Nicole start to gain Wynonna’s trust.

Nicole faked left with the soccer ball, waiting for Hunter to follow her movement before going right and stopping the ball with her foot as soon as she got around Hunter. She kneeled down in front of Hunter and Waverly could just barely make out what she was saying.

“The key is to make the opposing player really believe you’re going left before you fake them. Got it?” Nicole asked and Hunter nodded eagerly. “Alright, well let’s see what ya got Haughtshot.”

Hunter picked up the soccer ball and moved it farther away from the two orange cones acting as goal, the grin on her face moments ago dropping as a look of concentration took over, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth.

Hunter pushed her hair out of her eyes for what felt like the hundred time since her and Nicole had started playing.

“Hang on, kid,” Nicole called out, pulling out the hair tie keeping her hair out of her face and motioning Hunter over.

Hunter jogged over and stood with her back to her aunt and Nicole kneeled behind her, gathering her long brunette hair up and putting it up in a messy bun.

Waverly is struck with the image of Nicole doing the same with their child, teaching their little boy or girl soccer moves in the vast fields on the homestead while she and maybe even Wynonna watched on.

She could see her and Nicole picking out baby names, turning one of the many rooms in the homestead into a nursery. Painting the walls and maybe even getting into a paint fight that lead to soft kisses and even softer sex.

She could see them and their child, their baby cuddle up together reading bedtime stories. Them tucking their baby in with kisses to the forehead.

She could see them years from now, still so in love, happy, married and with a family of their own.

She didn't realize until that moment how much she wanted all of that with Nicole. Marriage, a family full of love and acceptance. A family better than the ones they each grew up in.

Before Nicole, Waverly always figured she marry Champ and later have kids with him, not necessarily because she wanted to but because it was expected of her. It’s what you did, it was normal. Before Nicole all she ever did was try to be normal.

But with Nicole, she wanted to marry her, she wanted to start a family with her. Not because it was something that was expected of her but simple because she loved Nicole, because she was in love with Nicole and wanted everything with Nicole, from marriage to a family, to growing old together.

Waverly just hoped that Nicole wanted the same.

“She seems happy,” Blake said, pulling Waverly from her thoughts and allowing her to refocus her attention on Nicole and Hunter.

“She does,” Waverly agreed, taking a sip of her wine and watching as Hunter successfully faked Nicole and made a run for the goal, Nicole trailing behind her with slow, short steps.

“She’s also haunted,” he said softly, taking a seat next to her.

Hunter kicked the ball sending it rolling between the two cones and scoring. Nicole was behind her in an instance, picking her up and spinning her around.

“And Hunter Haught does it!” Nicole cheered then imitated the sounds of a large crowd cheering, still spinning around and grinning as Hunter laughed. “She’s lead Canada’s national team to yet another victory!”

Waverly forced her attention away from the adorable scene unfolding in front of her and focused on Blake, who was watching his sister and daughter with a dimpled smile.

“If you’re referring to her waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and reaching for her gun, I’m aware.”

She noticed it the night before hours after they had sex for the second time. Nicole nearly scared her half to death but she was able to calm Nicole fairly easy, to pry Nicole’s long, pale fingers from the grip of her pistol.

Nicole had fallen back asleep with her face pressing against Waverly’s neck, her blunt nails digging into Waverly’s hip.

They didn’t talk about it, last night or this morning even though Waverly wanted to. Nicole was obviously struggling with something and Waverly wanted to help but she also didn’t want to push Nicole into talking about it if she wasn’t ready.

“I was referring to the look in her eyes but, if it’s something more than that then she needs to talk to someone.”

The concern coloring his tone and features still surprised Waverly. It was such a huge contrast from who their mother acted towards Nicole.

“I don’t want to push her if she isn’t ready,” she said softly, index finger circling around the rim of her wine glass.

“Sometimes, we have to push the people we love for their own good.” He ran his fingers through his hair and met her eyes. “Look, I’m not saying I know what’s best for her because I don’t, I mean this is the most time we’ve spent together since high school. All I’m saying is I know how hard it is to get past a shooting and the mental effects do not go away on their own.”

She knew that Nicole needed to talk to her, talk to someone about whatever was going on in her head, whatever had her waking up in the middle of the night reaching for a pistol she kept no more than a few feet away from her at any given time.

She knew she couldn’t allow Nicole to bottle it up the same way Wynonna did. She knew she had to do something, anything to help Nicole move past this or at the very least start dealing with it.

“I’ll talk to her or at least get her to talk to someone.” She promised him, turning her attention back to Nicole and Hunter who were making their way up the porch steps, Hunter hanging off Nicole like she’s a jungle jim.

“We want ice cream,” Nicole declared, an ever present grin on her face and Waverly couldn’t help but to smile herself.

She hoped for a lifetime of looking at that beautiful smile.

Nicole flopped down on bed next to a panting Waverly, wiping the remnants of Waverly’s juices from her mouth and chin.

Waverly curled against her side, laying her head on Nicole’s bare chest and tracing her fingers along Nicole’s stomach. “You’re really good at that.”

Nicole chuckled, kissing the top of Waverly’s head and wrapping an arm around Waverly’s back, bringing her in closer. “I know.”

“And you’re super modest too,” Waverly teased, tilting her head to kiss the underside of Nicole’s jaw

“It’s one of my best qualities.” Nicole shrugged one shoulder, fighting a smile Waverly couldn’t see and trailing her fingers along Waverly’s spine.

Nicole’s eyes slid closed, fully content to fall asleep with Waverly’s naked body pressed against her own and gentle fingers drawing random patterns on her stomach.

Today had been one of the best days she has had in her hometown in years. She got to start clean with Blake, spend time with him, her sister in law, and her niece whom she adored.

She had fun playing soccer with Hunter and even more fun when they talked Waverly into joining after they had ice cream. Nicole played goalie while Waverly and Hunter tried to score, with Joel chasing after the ball every time they kicked it.

It was just a fun, carefree day and Nicole hadn’t wanted it to end. But if it had to, ending the day with Waverly cuddling into her after they made love was the perfect ending.

“Can I ask you something?” Waverly asked, shifting and sitting up just enough to be able to look at Nicole in the semi dark bedroom.

“Of course, baby. You can ask me anything.”

Waverly was quiet for a few moments, chewing on her bottom lip as if she was trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to ask.

“Do you want kids?” Waverly blurted out and rushed on before Nicole could even process her question, her hands moving around wildly. “Like not right now, obviously but like, later down the road, years from now.”

Nicole could hear how nervous Waverly was, could see how nervous she was, like she was unsure if she wanted to know the answer or not. Like she was afraid of what Nicole might say.

Nicole definitely wanted kids, especially with Waverly but she was uncertain what answer Waverly wanted, was looking for.

Swallowing down her own nerves, Nicole sat up and tucked some hair behind Waverly’s ear before cupping her cheek. “With you?”

Waverly nodded, biting down on her bottom lip again.

“Waverly Earp, I want everything with you. Marriage, kids. Good times and bad. Fights and make ups. I want it all, baby.”

The smile that took over Waverly’s face stole Nicole’s breath. Waverly’s eyes crinkled in the corners, her nose scrunching up in the most adorable way and it’s one of the most beautiful things Nicole had ever seen.

Waverly once said that happiness looked good on her and in that moment, Nicole couldn’t help but to think the same about Waverly.

“Yeah?” Waverly asked, grasping the back of Nicole’s neck and bringing them closer together, their foreheads touching and their noses brushing.

“Yeah, you goofball,” Nicole grinned, throwing Waverly’s words from days ago back at her.

“Smartass.”

“Maybe.” Nicole laughed before growing serious once more. “You’re it for me, Waverly. When I said you are the love of my life, I meant it.”

Waverly brought her in for a soft kiss, one that Nicole is all too happy to fall into.

“I want everything with you too, Nicky. Absolutely everything.”

“So where are we headed?” Waverly asked, looking over at Nicole who was driving the mustang, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Waverly’s thigh, stupid Aviator sunglasses firmly perched on her nose and a black Toronto Raptors ballcap sitting backwards on her head.

It was unfair how good Nicole looked just sitting there, driving with her stupid glasses on and her stupid hat, her black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and her blue jeans that sat low on her hips.

It was unfair how much the simple outfit made Waverly want to crawl into the driver seat, on Nicole’s lap and kiss the hell out of her.

“I’m taking you on a date,” Nicole said, tilting her head to the side and smiling at her before looking back at the road. “I realized I haven’t done that yet. I haven’t taken you on a real, honest to God date in the time we’ve been together.”

Nicole looked over at her again, this time without the smile and squeezed the inside of Waverly’s thigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t taken you out on a date before this. I should have but,”

“But, everything has been complicated,” Waverly interrupted her. “It’s been one thing after another and there hasn’t been time. Nicole, it’s okay.”

Things had been so busy, so crazy since they gotten together, Waverly had forgotten that they hadn’t actually had a real date. They spent almost all their free time together, most days it felt like they lived together, so going on a ‘real’ date hadn’t actually crossed Waverly’s mind.

Plus she thought that night they ate grilled cheeses sitting on Nicole's living room floor in sweats and talking about anything and everything was their first date.

She knew Nicole said it's wasn't one because she deserved better than grilled cheeses but honestly, that night had been better than any date Champ had ever taken her on.

Nicole turned her attention back to the road, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel off beat to the song playing on the radio as she hummed along.

“How is it,” Waverly leaned over and plucked the Raptors ball cap from Nicole's head and placed it on her own. “That you can dance and dance very well at that but you can't tap your fingers in rhythm to a song to save your life?”

Nicole looked over at her, eyebrow arched over the top of her sunglasses. “You steal my hat then insult me and my off rhythm finger tapping. That's a bit rude, don't ya think?”

Waverly shrugged with a grin and took her sunglasses as well, putting them on.

“I'd be mad if you didn't look so good wearing my things.” Nicole shook her head with a smile of her own and turned into a dirt road.

“Where are we going?”

“To a place I spent a lot of my time as a teenager. I figured we’d have a picnic, if that okay with you?” Nicole glanced over at her briefly, worry in her big brown eyes. “I know it's nothing special and you deserve something grand but, uh.”

“Nicky,” Waverly interrupted her, squeezing the hand on her thigh. “A picnic with you is perfect and I don't need some grand gesture or fancy restaurant, I just need you.”

“You're such a sap.” Nicole grinned but Waverly could see the way her shoulders relaxed and could see the worry leave her.

It was another five minutes or so of driving until Nicole pulled the car to a stop at the edge of a cliff that overlook Joseph’s land, not far from Joseph’s house Waverly could just make out Nicole’s parents’ house in the distance.

Nicole was out of the car and around to the passenger side before Waverly had a chance to unbuckle her seatbelt, too busy staring at the view in front of her.

Nicole opened her door with an exaggerated bow. “M’lady.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Waverly laughed, taking Nicole’s offered hand and allowing Nicole to help her out of the car.

Nicole winked and kissed her on the cheek. “You love it.”

Waverly couldn’t deny that she did love it. She loved when Nicole was silly and ridiculous, when Nicole was dorky and carefree.

“It’ll just take a minute for me to set everything up.”

After a quick lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, fruit salad and wine, they sat side by side on the quilt Nicole brought, staring off into the distance.

Nicole was content, she was truly happy and that was something she never thought would happen here.

She had Waverly to thank for that. If Waverly hadn’t been by her side, she would probably spent her whole time here drunk off her ass and avoiding her family.

She wasn’t looking forward to facing her father but with Waverly by her side, she knew she could handle it.

Waverly laid her head on Nicole’s shoulder and intertwined their fingers. “Would you go back?”

“What do you mean?” Nicole asked, laying her head on top of Waverly’s, being their joined hands up and kissing the back of Waverly’s hand.

“If you could go back and change things with your family, go back and have a good relationship with them, would you?”

“Honestly?”

Waverly nodded.

“No.”

It wasn’t something Nicole really had to think about. Sure, having her parents actually give a shit about her, actually loving her and supporting her would have been great but, she was happy with how her life turned out, happy with the person she had become, happy with the family she made in Purgatory.

“No?” Waverly lifted her head to look at Nicole, confusion clearly written on her face. “Why not? Your life would have been so much easier, better.”

“My life might have been easier but in no way would have been better.”

“What do you mean?” Waverly’s eyebrows were drawn together in her confusion and it was one of the most adorable things Nicole had ever seen.

“If my parents had been different, if they had loved me, I would have never ended up in Purgatory and I would have never met you, Waverly Earp. I would have never had the chance to love you.” Nicole caressed her cheek. “And I’d choose knowing you, loving you over having decent parents any day.”

She meant every word of it. If there was a choice between her parents and Waverly, she’d choose Waverly every single time without hesitation, without a second thought.

“I love you,” Waverly whispered.

“I love you too, Waverly Earp more than anything.”