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Football-Ballon d'or or die [Gacha System]

นักเขียน: fat_gamer
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  • 26 ตอน
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  • 4.3
    10 เรตติ้ง
  • NO.200+
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Nick has always dreamed of becoming a professional football player. Through long hours of rigorous training and excruciating effort put into polishing his skills, he was finally able to debut as a professional footballer.  But, his joy was short-lived as he faced the cruel wall of lack of physical talent, preventing him from improving his skills any further, causing an untimely end to his career. Years later, stuck in a dead-end job, Nick finds himself frustrated and unsatisfied with his current life. Choosing to drown his sorrows with alcohol, Nick goes on a drinking spree and ends up perishing. But all is not over as he receives a mysterious message while his consciousness fades away, finding himself in his younger self. What will Nick do now, trapped in his younger self? Will he have the courage to take on the challenge of being a pro player again? Or will he take the easy way out? Join Nick, as he finds himself with an almost impossible goal, leading him to face some of the best footballers the world has to offer, accompanied by a system that is out to kill him. What to expect: - Slow-paced story - Dialed back System - Deep dive into tactics - In-depth life of an athlete - Hard-working MC - Focused and calm MC What NOT to expect: - OP MC - Harem - MC attaining instant power-ups

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Pitch Perfect: The Awakening System

*Awakening Is The Dawn Of A New Eternity. in the depths of my own consciousness, I have discovered the keys to unlock the mysteries of the cosmos.* Elian, a young and talented but struggling soccer player discovers a mysterious system that appears in his mind, claiming to be the "Awakening System." The system offers to help Elian become the greatest soccer player of all time, but at a cost. A terrifying one. As Elian uses the system's powers, he must navigate the consequences of relying on its abilities and the true cost of his success. System Core Abilities: - "Skill Boost": Temporarily increases Elian's skills and abilities - "Game Reading": Gives Elian real-time analysis and predictions of the game - "Body Enhancement": Enhances Elian's physical abilities, allowing him to perform superhuman feats. Level up to gain more abilities. As Elian rises to fame and success, he must confront the darkness within himself and the true nature of the Awakening System trying to consume his humanity. Will he find a way to balance his ambition with his humanity, or will the darkness of the system consume him completely? *it’s my very first system novel since I’m not a fan of systems. you should know before you start reading that the system is very realistic and the MC would struggle with it a lot. oh and, it contains a little sci-fi. just a tiny bit, it doesn’t affect the main story. There will be romance too, like, the MC would get a life besides football.

Krystal_George123 · กีฬา
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44 Chs

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jeanofarc
jeanofarcLv2

Okay, I read some chapters but for some reason, I cannot establish a clue about what your story is really about. TLDR, here are my strengths and weaknesses for your novel. Strengths: Unique genre. Good representation of the premise. Weaknesses: No knowledge of plot structure. Lack of description of what the story is all about along with scenes. I know for a fact that this novel falls under the sports genre, so I was expecting fast-paced action scenes of the players or something similar. I didn’t see any of it in the first chapter. I suggest describing the scenes (for example, describe the office’s appearance) and adding context to your chapters. When making chapters, there needs to be an objective of what you are trying to portray to the audience. You need to convince people to read your book. I tried to understand some characters, like Jeff, for example being the boss, but for some reason I cannot flip the page because I keep reading scenes without any context of what it is all about. Also, please improve your book title, so I can have a clear picture of what your book stands for. I appreciate your desire to represent the world of sports in novels, but for now I just can’t read the rest of it because of it lacking a clear foundation of what it is about. But you shouldn’t give up. Sports isn’t my thing, but knowing you want to represent it through your novel is making me want to read more. That is, if you revamp/rewrite your book. Good luck on your writing journey by the way, and feel free to message me in the forums should you have any questions.

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