Apologies Aren't Enough

Gabriel had tried everything. After a few days to cool off, he realized you loved them as much as you loved-- had loved-- him. He sought you over angel radio, looked for you himself, texted you, even looked for the Winchester's himself. It was like you were trying to keep yourself isolated from him. He missed you. Not all the candy and imaginary girls in the world could keep his mind off of you and all the things he loved. He wanted you back, but he had to find you first...

"Add a line here, a little circle here, aaaand... Yeah, that's it! You got the hang of it now. I need to draw one on you that only I will know until I have to leave again, which won't be for a while. Arm?" Dean extended one arm to you. You took it in your hand, turned it over in your hand and began to draw with the small brush you'd made of grass, tape, and a stick. Rather rudimentary, but it worked well enough. He chuckled at the look of concentration on your eyes. "You're just too cute when you scrunch your nose," he said softly. "You, too, Gabey," you replied automatically. You didn't even recognize your mistake until Dean tensed under you. "Oh, God, sorry, I just-- I'm used to-- Let's forget this, shall we? I'm still getting him out of my system," you said nervously. He shrugged it off, but you knew he was hurt. Finishing up quickly, you turned the brush to your thigh and began the piece all over again.

"Hey, (Y/n), can you do one on a sleeping person? John ain't wakin' up anytime soon," said Bobby. You grunted and he left you to your business. You finished quicker than with Dean and began on the unconscious form of John. Halfway through, he sat straight up and almost punched you in the face. "Damnit, John!" you shouted. He blinked at you for a moment before he stood up and enveloped you in a hug. "Zi missed doo, (Y/n)," he slurred. You groaned internally and called for Dean and Bobby. "Hold his leg still. He moves, we're done for and it'll be a beacon for all of them," you instructed. He fought, but you got done as fast as possible. "John, touch it and I'll kill you," you threatened. He snorted and said, "Mary, you always took such" -hiccup- "such good care of me. I love you, baby," Hiccup. You rolled our eyes and exited the room.

Dean was sitting on the couch, bringing the phone up to his ear. His face fell and you knew what he was doing. "Sam, please, just pick up you--" You grabbed the phone from his large hand and put it up to your ear. "Sammy, it's (Y/n). I know you listen to these when no one's looking. I made a mistake in leaving. I'm not saying come back, it's your life and I get where you're coming from, but I swear, I'll find you and drag your sorry ass back here to stay if you ignore your family. Family is all we have in the end, Sam Winchester." With that, you snapped the phone shut and handed it back to Dean. "You didn't have to do that." You smirked. "Yeah, I did." He cleared his throat and you sat beside him. "Tell me a story. Just something that you like to talk about. Talk to me, Dean," you prompted. So he did. Stories about hunts, late nights with Sam, favorite memories. It wasn't something Dean would've initiated, but you loved getting to know the eldest Winchester's younger, more innocent side.

You spent hours like that. Just talking. Bobby came in and brought you take-out and occasionally, John would stumble through, but you were in your own world. The way his green eyes lit up alone made it all worth it. Usually, you'd be curled up against Gabriel, playing with his wings the way he liked it. The thought sent a pang though you, but you pushed it away. "You need to stop thinking about him if you do not want him to find you," said a gravelly voice and you screamed. Dean stood up and pushed you behind him. "You son of a bitch, get out of here before I find a way to kill you," growled Dean. There were noises, making it clear the others knew about the disturbance. You slipped quietly away. You sprinted to the front door where you'd left your bag. Pulling out the blade, you ran back to Dean. He tried to take it from you, but you pulled it out of his reach. "John. Not dry. Gabriel sent you didn't he, Castiel?" you said in a voice that dripped with acid. "Yes, he did. He wishes you to come back, but he does not want to face you. Put down the angel blade," he said. "No one tells my family what to do," said a voice and a shot went out. Castiel's coat was torn, but no harm done. John was standing with his jaw open. "You utter idiot, I  only this would work!" you sighed. 

You twisted the blade so the sharp tip was baring into your forearm. "I'm choosing to trust you, Castiel. Don't make me regret it," you warned, slowly moving to you. Dean reached out to grab your arm, but you brushed his arm away. You put your hand out, then thought the better of it. "If I agree to speak with him, he will agree to let me come back to them. I can't choose between the both of them and I'll just leave this whole life, even if it gets me killed, if I have to. Deal, Cas?" you said, testing out the name. His face scrunched up, like he was scanning the room with his mind. "He had agreed." "(Y/n), no,"whispered Dean. He reached out and let his fingers brush your arm again. "I'm coming back for sure this time. Leaving my stuff behind for insurance. Redo the thing on John, the incompetent bastard," you joked. Castiel reached out for you and felt a tugging feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

"(Y/n)!"