AS CONFLICTED.

It was Friday and the days just flew by and it was finally the day that I had to spend time with Peter. "Avery, do you want to.." Bethel said, "Huh!" I stared at her. "Did you zone out again?" she asked holding her waist in disapproval.

I sighed, "Sorry!" "Ok. Well I was just wondering if you wanted to ride the ferris wheel." She said. "Uh" Peter cut me off, "Of course she would." He smiled at me.

"Wouldn't you Avery?" "Where'd you even come from?" I muttered. "What's that?" he said, "Sure, let's go!" I said. Bethel stared at both of us in turns then she chuckled. "You guys are adorable."

As we approached the ferris wheel Bethel's phone beeped and she stopped to check it. "Uh, guys why don't you go on. I'll catch up." She said.

"What's up?" Peter asked. "Um, it's Mick." She said and quickly left. Peter smiled at me and I smiled nervously back.

"Just keep to your side of the car." I told Peter. "Just chill alright." He said and made himself comfortable on the car. I scoffed and I took my phone out to check the time. 7:30p.m. I sighed.

"Hey, could you lend me your chemistry notes?" he asked. "Seriously?" I raised my eyebrow and he looked confused. "We're really gon' talk about school at a school fund raiser." I said.

He laughed. "Wow! Okay, um miss grumpy pants what would you rather talk about?" "Nothing, just be quiet." I said and stared down at the other cars.

There was a guy and a girl and by the looks of it they were a couple. The guy wrapped his arms around the girl and she was wearing his jacket. I chuckled. Typical.

A memory of my friends back at the orphanage struck me and a tear rolled down my cheek when I realized I probably never see them again. The people who helped me deal with my grief during the very first stages.

Peter saw me and I quickly rubbed off the tear. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing." I said. "Come on Avery." "Well I just remembered my friends." I said.

"I thought you only had Bethel." He said, "No, I mean back at the orphanage." I said. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know." He said. "It's alright." I smiled.

"You know if you lay off the being guarded crap.." I glared at him with my teary eyes. "You're actually really nice." He chuckled at the way I looked at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, "Like you've been tryna push me away since day one." He said. "What are you so afraid of?" "I killed my parents when I was 7." I started and a look of shock spread on his face.

"It was a fire that I started but by accident." "I was taken to an orphanage then re-assigned to a home days after." "It was all great at first. When Levi my brother was there. Now he's gone."

"Oh! I'm sorry." He sympathised, I chuckled "No Peter, he's still alive. He just left for college, never saw him ever since." I told him.

"He promised me that he'll always be there to protect me. I live with a nearly insane mother and Stan who could slit my throat at any moment. You ask me what I'm afraid of."

"It's okay to have trust issues but just don't push away the people who are tryna be there for you and care about you." He stared at me.

"Not everyone's a Levi and besides I'm sure he misses you so much." I stared at him, "Who wouldn't." He stared back.

"Um..." I looked away cause it was getting tense. "Peter." I said looking at the view from the ride, "God is the only one keeping me sane at this point." I put out a hand for him to shake and he pulled me into a hug. My eyes widened and I sighed and hugged back. "It's alright. Just tell me if you ever need anything, okay." He told me and broke off the hug. "Okay." I nodded.

In case you're wondering Bethel never returned and Peter and I ended up going on all the rides. He had a rough childhood too, you know underneath their huge mansion and perfect life.

We ate a lot of cotton candy and I think I was getting sugar rush, haha! Wow I haven't had this much fun since the camping trip back at the orphanage.

"Hahaha!" I laughed, "Wow, that was not a good idea." "No kidding." Peter said, "Whoo!" "I think we should go home." I suggested. "Yeah." He laughed.

It's been a crazy month since that day at the carnival. Peter and I have been really great friends. He even joined our face time prayers at night. Goes to bible studies with us. We're like the three musketeers, lol!

I mean Mick's there too but he's mostly workin' at Ronnie's so. Who knew all of this could happen I mean if you gave someone a chance and just try and extend a little more grace. Peter wanted to heal from the pain of his childhood and I told him the only way he could do that was just let his guard down and believe in Jesus because he will heal him of his brokenness.

At first, he didn't believe me but I was playing some worship music one day when he came by my house and he just fell apart. He decided he wanted to take part in whatever I was doing to keep the pain away.

"Hey." Stan called out to me as I was passing by the living room. I stopped. "Your letters came." He said reaching out for a pile of envelopes on the table.

"What letters?" I asked, he stretched a hand out to me handing me the pile. "Congratulations kiddo." He said but he wasn't smiling.

Was he mocking me or something because he's being unusually nice to me today. Did he have candy for breakfast? I took the pile from his hands and started going through them.

My eyes widened and I gasped. There it was. A letter from Heaton University, ooh no now I'm scared to open it. Did I get in or not? Only one way to find out.

I slowly opened the letter and closed my eyes first then slowly opened one eye and began reading. "Oh my goodness. I got in! I got into Heaton University ooh thank God!" I said. Then I saw another letter from Westby State University. I opened it and they also accepted me into their college. My expression dropped and I looked at Stan.

"Pretty sure you didn't like that one." He said and turned away. I walked slowly up the stairs then into my room. He was right. Well the news was great but I didn't like the situation I was in.

I had always wanted to go to Heaton University. It's great, it's far from Stan plus it's a Christian university. It's what I wanted right? Westby was in town and that's where Beth and Peter were going.

I didn't want to leave mom alone here with him and the same thing is happening as when I was 7, leaving my friends behind going to some unknown place.

I can still remember how bad I felt when I left the orphanage that day. I really miss them a lot. Sometimes I think I can still hear our laughters in the oak house.

Beth and Peter have been like family to me. I can't imagine life without them. God what am I gonna do? I'm so confused. I lay my down on my bed facing the ceiling then I got up and grabbed my bible.

I opened it, first thing I saw was a highlighted verse in Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Then I lay back down again and closed my eyes. It began raining. I stared out the window and lightning flashed. My phone rang and I picked up.

"Hello!" I said, "What's up?" Beth said. "Nothing much, just rain." "Are you okay?" "I don't know." I replied. "Well, I have to tell you something." She said.

"Um, I received a letter from the colleges today." "And?" I sat up, "I got in to West Coast University." She said excited. "That's really great! I'm happy for you."

"Well, you don't sound happy. Come on what's wrong?" she asked. "Um, it's nothing. I just haven't gotten any letters." I lied. "Oh! I'm pretty sure you'll get 'em love." She said, "Kisses! Bye" "Bye!" I hung up.

I didn't tell her. I didn't tell my best friend that I got into my dream college. I wasn't really sure what I wanted anymore.

He's right, I didn't have to make a decision right away there's still the last summer before college. But summer felt really close and not because there was only a week till graduation. God give me strength.