Chapter 12 (Can't Move On)

Chapter 12: Can't Move On

Valentine Evans

December 2022

About 7 months after outbreak

Ohio

Season 1

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It all happened so fast. I didn't think he would do what he did. He got angry. He took one of the knives. He betrayed us. I didn't have a choice but to do what I did. He got angry over something stupid; I don't even really remember what. Something about Arwen's leadership, or along those lines at least. He pulled out a knife we didn't even know he had. He went to hurt me, but Abby got in his way. There were panicked screams as Abby started to bleed out. Skylar and Aspen rushed over to save her. Cole ran, and I followed.

I followed him. I ran after him. He ran through a cornfield that had been frozen over. He stopped out of breath, and I could see him grasp the knife even tighter. I cautiously approached Cole, trying to reason with him and calm him down. His eyes were filled with rage and confusion as he muttered something about being betrayed. I knew I had to find a way to disarm him and prevent any further harm.

"Why are you following me? Just let me go!"

"I can't do that, Cole; you know I can't."

"I would do it again! I would kill all of you! You're fucking stupid; we should already all be dead!"

"It doesn't have to be that way." I took steps closer to him. I tried to reach for the knife, but he pulled it away and spun around to face me, tears flowing down his cheeks. His words cut through me like a knife, revealing the depth of his pain and anger. I could see the torment in his eyes—a stark contrast to the person I once knew.

"I wanna kill you." My heart sank as I heard his words, realizing the extent of his despair and desperation. It was clear that he had reached a breaking point, consumed by a darkness that I couldn't fully comprehend.

"I can't let you do that." I pleaded with him, my voice trembling with fear and concern. I knew that I had to find a way to help him—to pull him back from the edge before it was too late.

More anger filled his eyes, and he motioned quickly towards me with the knife pointed at my chest. I caught his fist as the blade lightly grazed my shirt. His grip was tight, but I refused to let go, determined to show him that there was still hope. "Please," I begged, my voice shaking, "let me help you." But he didn't stop.

"I loved you, Cole. I still love you. You don't have to do this; everything can be like it was. Remember in 8th grade when you would hold my hand and kiss my forehead? You would lay your head on my lap when we watched stupid movies in class instead of doing our work." Tears welled up in my eyes as I reminisced about our cherished memories, desperately hoping they would trigger a spark of recognition in his eyes. But instead, his expression hardened.

"Don't."

He applied more force, and I could feel the knife start to go inside of me, but I backed away before he could kill me. I managed to catch him off guard and take the knife out of his hand. I fumbled it around a bit before I decided what I was going to do with it. I didn't want to do anything with it. I wanted to throw it on the ground and hug him and tell him everything was going to be fine, but he gave me no choice. It was him or me, and probably everyone else I cared about. With a heavy heart, I knew that my survival instincts had to prevail. I tightened my grip on the knife, steeling myself for what I had to do next. I took a deep breath and prepared to defend myself against the one person I never thought would pose such a threat.

I stabbed him. A few inches away from the heart. I still remember how he looked at me. It was like he thanked me, like he knew he was going insane.

I cried so much. I don't remember how many times I said "I'm sorry". I saw the dead out of the corner of my eye, and I knew I couldn't stay there forever. With one quick movement, I pulled the knife out of him, and blood leaked out of his mouth as he choked on his words. After he fell to the ground, he whispered something I wish I could forget, but it keeps playing in my mind:

over,

and over.

"I love you too."