CHAPTER 19

ALEKS

The house was mostly silent after Leukas had left with the kids but for once, I didn't mind. I had peace in my mind and in my heart. I even ignored the fact that Lander, who was on the side of the video call I had been able to make only because my new phone had ben tweaked to be able to connect to him specifically, every other number I could think of- for example those of my co-workers in the bakery- wouldn't go through, 'for safety reasons'. From what I could tell, he was still in his office despite the fact that it was supposedly 10pm and a Sunday in London, and a bit irritated that I had interrupted whatever it was that he was working on.

"I feel so …free, Lander, and it made me so happy to see Leukas with them, with my kids. I never thought it would be like that. You should have seen Leukas' smile when Adrian hugged him. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. I'm so happy." I sighed heavily, looking away from my computer screen and facing my bedroom mirror as I held the sensible A-line skirt that Lanthe had sent for me, against my body and tried to imagine it on me. It was a bit too long for my tastes, and the accompanying blouse was too bland. I wouldn't complain though, I was in too good of a mood to find fault in much. Then a sudden thought stopped me in my happy thought tracks. I looked at Lander suddenly, my eyes widening in embarrassment and horror.

"Oh Lander, I'm so sorry. Here I am babbling about everything right going on between me and Leukas and I…I'm the reason you guy stopped talking in the first place, I made you cut him off, and now I'm here throwing myself onto him while you…."

"Aleks, you didn't make me cut anyone off." He responded, his voice flat.

"Yes, I did. I blackmailed you into staying quite about my pregnancy."

"Yes, but I chose to help you. I chose not to lie to his face every day, by cutting him off. Me. I chose to. There were a lot of things I could have done when you gave me that ultimatum Aleks, but I chose to help you. And I would do it over and over again." He said firmly.

Until this day, I still did not know how Lander had found me and saved me. As soon as I'd run from Leukas' room, after I'd seen the doubt in his eyes, a car had snatched me right off the streets of his apartments and the last thing I remembered was struggling and screaming and fighting, my heart pounding out of my chest as dread spread throughout my veins. The last thought on mind had been concern over my unborn babies before I felt a prick on my neck. I'd woken up inside a shipping container and I'd known what was going on immediately. Somehow my father had betrayed me. He hadn't ever planned to let me go. He had far more sinister plans for me, plans that weren't even of a humane nature. And I was finally being taken against my will and being handed to Alexei.

I had been drugged all the way back to Russia and I could not remember the journey, but I remembered everything I'd been feeling; pain, indescribable fear, hopelessness and desperation. I would never forget how pronounced those feelings were. I'd stayed two months with the sadistic bastard. If it hadn't been for my unborn kids, the little will to live would have fluffed out of me. I was lucky that my pregnancy didn't show for the first six months. I was so lucky that Alexei was gay despite the fact that he would never accept it, and he was so desperate not to be that he forced me to pretend we were lovers when he took what he needed from my body. He made me pretend he was 'normal'. He made me pretend he wasn't an impotent gay man. I was everything he wished he wanted. So he treated me like a princess. Like a sick fixation he could dress up and talk to and play mind-games like he pleased. It was humiliating. It was painful. It was degrading. And the fear I felt when It was night and he turned his bright red, hungry eyes at me, his teeth gleaming in the dark room he kept me especially for that time…. It was a bone-deep fear that I was sure I wouldn't survive for much longer. And I had started losing hope when the third month began. His house was impenetrable. Everyone was loyal to him, and I couldn't risk being caught trying to escape on my own. And for the first time I was faced with forces I knew nothing about. Forces that terrified me to no end. Forces which were unnatural. I had too much to lose. In the end, another trip to a gala where he had planned to flaunt me, had been my saving grace.

When the shootout had started on our way to the party which was being held in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, I had clutched my stomach in terror, absolutely terrified that one of Alexi's enemies would be the end of me. I was absolutely paralyzed with fear as our car skidded through the frozen roads and suddenly a red mist descended upon the place. Everyone of Alexei's men had jumped to their weapons and started shooting wildly while I ducked my head and muttered a prayer to...anyone. Whoever they were fighting was like them. Whoever it was, was clearly dangerous and powerful. Alexei could never resist a fight and a chance to shed blood. When the car door had opened and I had been pulled out in the midst of the chaos, my heart had stuttered when I first saw Lander. I'd felt so much relief and joy and …hope. My eyes had immediately searched for Leukas amidst the chaos as Lander had carried me right into an SUV that immediately sped away. It took a while for me to realize that I had been wrong. Just because Lander had cared enough to find me didn't mean that Leukas had. Leukas didn't care about me anymore. He'd believed Ashley and he hated me. He had to. He wouldn't let me keep my kids. He wouldn't want that with me.

My eyes had pricked with tears all the way to an awaiting helicopter. I couldn't remember that journey either, just the feelings. Relief, gratitude and grief, grief over the fact that I would never have Leukas' love again. Grief over the fact that I would never see my love returned. When Lander asked me where I wanted to go, I told him I wanted to go to London. He'd tried to defend Leukas but I hadn't listened. I couldn't. After my father's betrayal and all I had discovered about myself, I couldn't risk myself again. So I had told him to take me far away from California. I had told him not to tell anyone where he left me. And when he had insisted on a doctor's visit and found out I was pregnant, I had told him that if he told Leukas anything about my pregnancy and my whereabouts, I would do everything and anything to escape and never be found again. I told him that I would die with my kids first, before I let their father near me.

"And I appreciate everything you've done for me Lander. Still. I know the truth okay?" I told him, looking at him sorrowfully.

"What truth?" he asked warily.

"I know that you are in love with him. I know that you are in love with Leukas." I blurted out and watched as Lander closed his eyes and cursed.