Gil-kun and the Lancer Squad

After killing a few beasts here and there, Gilgamesh and the others had gone out of the woods. They were now in a large plain that stretched out for as long as eyes could see. However, there was also a sound, a distant but noticeable sound, that they recognised as being that of a big river flowing not too far away.

"I don't get why we have to follow the river, Goldie. We have already water from you and Nancy, no?"

"Do you need everything spelled out, fool? We may not need any water, but it is very likely that other Heroic Spirits who don't possess the power to create it are stationed there."

"Oh, I see! That makes sense I guess."

"Won't some of them try to hoard all water for themselves, given that it's a limited resource?"

"Who would dare defy my rule? And even if someone is foolish enough, I'll show them the error of their ways."

"Oh, so you'll tell them the reasons you think you're cool?"

"I'll kill them."

"Kill them?"

"Didn't you kill people for treason?"

"I sure did."

"W-Well, I may have... but they were trying to kill me?"

"Who? The innocent Christians you slaughtered?"

"It wasn't because of me! I wasn't aware that they had done that. Actually, wait a second, how do you know what I did when you're from another timeline?"

"I just assumed almost everything in our timeline is reversed, and since our Emperor Nero is a male and a good guy..."

"You assumed I was an asshole?"

"More like someone not very fit to be a ruler."

"Well, then I'll prove to you that I'm the sweetest person imaginable! Nancy, let me carry you!"

"I don't think that's necessary, Miss Nero..."

"But it is! It's absolutely necessary!"

"Well, if you insist."

"Good job, Nancy! Hop on the Nero Express! You too, Mr. Pop Pea."

"*hesitates in penguinese*"

"Come on, don't be scared! Let's go! You too, Goldie."

"Can you keep quiet, you mad dog? We won't hear the flow of the river if you keep screm- hey, put me down immediately, that's an order!"

"No can do, I'll prove how awesome I am! Come too, Salty!"

"No, no, you made your point, wait, I said you maid your point!"

"I don't make a point, I fill an empire with points!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

After a few minutes of Nero running like a madman while carrying everyone else, she stopped suddenly, making everyone else fly a few meters before hitting the ground.

"Phew, well, that should do the trick. I'm completely exhausted now. Have you seen how good and selfless I am, guys?"

"*feeling sick*"

"*multiple broken bones*"

"*about to throw up*"

"*regretting everything*"

"Perhaps I was a bit too rough... hey, guys, look! We have found the river! See, I brought you right where you wanted to go, no? Am I not awesome?"

"You are just as stupid as my successor Mordred. I swear that one day I'll do to you what I should have done to her."

"Give her lots of love and attention?"

"Shut up! I wasn't a bad parent!"

"Ok, Salty!"

"Stop it!"

"Stop what, umu?"

"Augh, do something, Galter..."

"I'll see if my treasury includes some tool to seal someone's mouth..."

"Good. Now let's see where this river brings us."

"Ok, let's go guys! Once I've regained my strength, I'll carry you again."

"NO!!!"

After some walking, they still hadn't found anyone.

"Ugh, this is boring..."

"Patience is key, mongrel."

"Like you have any..."

"I don't have patience for mongrels."

"I can see that..."

"Perhaps we should cross it and see what's on the other side, Galter."

"No, let's just keep following it. I have a good feeling. And my guesses are always correct."

"Yeah, sure..."

"Well, at least let's go for a swim while we're at it, no?"

Nero proposed, but immediately after this a red spear flew towards her with great spear. She barely dodged it. They all turned to the other side of a river. Four figures, three males and a woman, stood there with confident smile, all holding some kind of spear.

"I hope you're ready for a f- S-Saber?!"

"What's going on? Did you hit them? Wait, Saber?!"

"You know those two?" The woman asked.

"Yes, I fought with her in the Fourth Holy Grail War!"

"And I fought with her in the Fifth!"

"Just to be clear, you have never met those two, right?" Gilgamesh asked.

"If I did, I don't remember them. And that means I haven't met them, since I remember everyone I meet!"

"I have never seen those two."

"So, Saber. Are you ready for a new round?"

"This time my spear surely won't miss!"

"You fools! How can you praise someone and not recognise their appearance? Neither of these are the Saber you adore so much."

"Huh, Archer? You're here too? And what the hell are you saying?"

"Wait, you know him too?"

"That asshole? Of course I do!"

"Same here!"

"It seems like you guys sure have met a lot of people in common..." The guy next to them commented.

"Enough! Why are you mongrels attempting to attack us?"

"Isn't it obvious? We want the water all for ourselves!"

"Huh? But there's so much! Sharing is caring, you know. And who are you people?"

"It seems like we were wrong after all. Well... *acrobatic jump with theatric pose* I'm Ulster's mightiest hero, Cu Chulainn."

"And I'm his master, Scathach."

"And I'm his companion, Fergus!"

"And I'm the First Knight of the Fionna, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne."

"And together we are... *great poses* the Lancer Squad!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

"W-what the hell are you laughing at?"

"The Lancer Squad... you clowns call yourselves the Lancer Squad... HAHAHA, I should keep you as my jesters... HAHAHA!!!"

"Look, unlike Goldie, I want to give you constructive criticism... but can I just say that the last guy feels... I don't know... kind of out of place?"

"What do you mean? I'm Irish too!"

"Yeah, but the others had some relation with the first guy... what's your relation with him?"

"Well, we are... acquaintances... that still counts, right?"

"HAHAHA! Acquaintances!"

"Don't listen to that emperor, the more pressing issue is... isn't that a sword? Why are you in the Lancer Squad, Fergus or whatever?"

"H-How dare you, pale lady? My weapon... well, technically, it is a sword, but... come on... it basically looks like a spear, no?"

"It looks to me like some unicorn wants their horn back..."

"HAHAHA! Good one, Salter, good one."

"I'm sorry... I'm not too well versed in Celtic mithology... stiil, I'm sure you guys have very awesome miths around you..."

"*agrees in penguinese*"

"Well, finally someone who's not overly critic. Wait, is that a penguin?"

"It's Mr. Pop Pea."

"Oh, ok."

"And yet that beast isn't the dumbest creature in front of me. HAHAHA, the Lancer Squad!"

"That's it! I shall not stand for this! Let's see how you dodge my unavoidable attack.

GAE BOLG!"

He threw with great force his bright red spear.

"This will surely end you, you arrogant bastard! My spear rewrites the laws of causality! The moment I activated this attack you had already been struck to the heart! Last time it didn't work, but it was just a fluke! It won't miss again!"

The spear barely grazed the King of Heroes' shoulder.

"There's no... fucking way... again? IT MISSED AGAIN? THE ATTACK WHO'S UNAVOIDABLE WAS FUCKING AVOIDED?! HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!"

"You really thought your spear's abilities could compare to a king's luck?"

"Luck? Fucking luck? How the fuck can luck rewrite the fucking laws of causality?!"

"You buffoons messed up the moment you tried to claim what's not yours. You see, what you hold so dear is my property, so that makes you thieves. And now, I shall punish your crime tenfold."

Gilgamesh said, switching to a serious expression.

"He's mad they've been keeping all the water for themselves..."

"How dare you guys fawn over my Saber? I shall exterminate all my pretenders. This way, she'll have no way but to chose me... since I'll be the only one left!"

"Come at me, you thieves."