42

Chapter 42: I'm so damaged, far too damaged, but you're not beyond repair

Chapter Text

He stared at the doors of the Sanctum and wondered how he had managed to get where he was in life. How had he reached a point in his life where he was knocking on the doors of a sorcerer's creepy mansion to ask what the other possibilities of the universe surviving were? What were the chances of him living to ask this question specifically?

'I need to stop otherwise I'll send myself into an existential crisis,' he thought, pushing the doors open.

"Uh, Stephen?" He called out as he walked through the entrance, forcing himself to continue facing the way he came in as the doors shut. He always had to resist the urge to look whenever the doors shut. How many times had he been here with Ned pre-Snap and turned around to see the doors close?

"Peter?" He looked to his right to see Stephen leaving the kitchen, a mug filled with steaming liquid floating alongside him. Stephen smiled wryly. "I'm assuming you have questions?"

He nodded. "A few."

"Follow me." Stephen walked across the entrance area to the living room where there were a couple of brown leather sofas and red velvet chairs. The crimson curtains covered the windows, preventing the afternoon light from entering.

The mug placed itself on the dark wood table as Stephen sat down on one of the sofas which prompted Peter to sit on the sofa opposite him.

"So, what do you want to know?" Stephen asked tiredly.

"Do you know what, uh, what the fallout was like on other planets? Did anything change?" He asked.

"Everyone is scrambling to readjust. The remaining Avengers didn't consider announcing that they were bringing 5 million people back so the universe could make contingency plans."

That…made sense. Everyone must have thought the half of the universe that died would never return. They had settled into a new routine, adjusting to having half of the population gone. Half the universe suddenly returning was unlikely to be a concern…

He didn't understand why his videos on time travel hadn't sent. He had spent as much time as possible looking at the files and wondering what went wrong. Nothing had been corrupted, the passwords had remained secure, they were due to be sent off on his birthday since he hadn't been there to cancel the. It didn't make sense in his head but he hadn't found a reason for why they had failed to send.

Time for the bigger questions.

"What were the other successful outcomes on the battlefield?" He asked. "I assumed that Tony's sacrifice would be a result but I want to be sure."

"Had we not intervened on the battlefield then yes, Stark would have sacrificed himself again. Many events on the battlefield went similarly to the previous timelines, with a couple of exceptions, of course."

"And those exceptions were…?"

Stephen raised an eyebrow. "Do you want your first question answered or not?"

"Sorry," he mumbled as he fidgeted with his fingers. He had so many questions in his brain, each one of them begging to be asked, but he bit his tongue to let Stephen finish. He would rather have some answers than none at all.

"You were the other outcome."

He blinked.

Surprise wasn't the emotion he felt. He had known for a while, well before the final battle, that he was willing to sacrifice himself to save the universe. So many people should have survived and lived their lives after the first battle but turned to dust instead because he hadn't done enough, so he had wanted to correct his mistake.

His attempt to correct his mistake had caused Captain America to sacrifice himself.

He had sacrificed one man for another.

Tony was alive and would see his daughter grow up.

He should be happy, right?

"The exceptions on the battlefield were that a few different people were there. Loki and Black Widow were there compared to their respective deaths in the previous timeline. I'm pretty certain I saw Thor and Loki have a reunion in the midst of the chaos."

"So Tony, Steve and I were the most likely to succeed in sacrificing ourselves?" He asked quietly. Stephen nodded sombrely. "Then how did we fail to win beforehand? Why were we meant to lose the first battle? Couldn't we have done more?"

"Kid, we could have moved the Infinity Stones to the other side of the universe and Thanos still would've found a way to find them within the next month. Their power signatures are too significant to be missed."

'Energy signatures. Of course,' he thought bitterly. 'No wonder Thanos tracked the Space Stone to Kamar-Taj. At least Ned didn't get hurt.'

Maybe that was why Stephen had suggested that they moved the Space Stone. He must have known from a certain point- wait a minute-

He looked down at his hands. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long ago did you know that Thanos could track energy signatures?"

Stephen sighed. "I went to confirm it with Wong after you and Ned stole the Space Stone. He wanted to move it to Kamar-Taj immediately but I said no. Keeping it in New York and then moving it to Kamar-Taj would buy everyone in Wakanda a bit more time to prepare."

He slowly digested the fact that Stephen purposefully let him put Ned at risk. What if they had never returned from the battle on Vormir? Thanos would have stormed through New York and would have killed Ned to get the Infinity Stones.

"I-" he stopped himself from letting his anger out. He still had questions that needed answering and he didn't want to shorten Stephen's temper. "Why didn't you tell us then? We could've thought of something."

"Kid-"

"Please stop calling me 'kid'." He had lived through so much that he didn't warrant being called a 'kid' anymore. They both knew that he was much older mentally.

"Peter, we didn't have any more time to prepare. Proactivity turned into reactivity." Stephen glanced at his watch. "I don't have much more time. Is there anything else you want to know?"

"There's not much we can do now, is there?" He asked softly.

"No." Silence settled between them.

He should be happy with this outcome. He, Ned, MJ and Stephen could use this as a springboard into the next phase of their lives and learn from their mistakes – except it sounded foolishly optimistic. The reality was that they had still failed to some extent.

Well, he couldn't blame Ned and MJ. They had done their best to support him for the past few years and he loved them for it. It was him and Stephen that had messed up.

He should have been more proactive and insisted that they needed to do more. Maybe he should have told Tony or maybe even Shuri that Thanos would come to decimate the Earth, maybe they could have done more by preparing everyone for Thanos's arrival.

Would his decisions have had a bigger impact? He was only 'the friendly neighbourhood' Spider-Man, not the 'fights cosmic enemies' Spider-Man. With a few exceptions, he was 16-year-old Peter Parker who was a nerd and was constantly late with random excuses.

Stephen cleared his throat, jolting him back into reality.

"Ah, right, sorry, you have things to do and I should probably go on patrol, um…" he trailed off before he stood up.

"Peter." He looked at Stephen. "Don't let events like these weigh you down forever. You'll miss the opportunities it offers. Trust me, I know."

Stephen's eyes held nothing but understanding.

He nodded, unsure of how to respond.

"Thanks. I'll, uh, see myself out."

The late October breeze ruffled his hair as he and May walked up the gravel driveway to the Stark family's home in the middle of nowhere. The stones crunched under the car that Happy drove them in; Happy had to (unfortunately) attend a meeting which meant that he couldn't stay for the reunion.

There were many things he liked about the cabin like how no one could get within 30 miles of the area before they would be picked up by Friday, or how the woods provided cover from the sun but allowed enough through that the surrounding area looked beautiful, or how his senses couldn't pick up anything other than leaves rustling and birds chirping.

An animal brayed in the distance – hold on a second, Tony still bought Gerald in this timeline?

FRIDAY greeted them as she opened the door to reveal Pepper standing in the doorway as she used her hand to smooth Morgan's hair down.

"Peter, May, I'm so glad you could make it today." She smiled, looking a lot more relaxed than when he usually saw her in the Compound pre-Snap. She wore a light pink cardigan and black bottoms which slightly contrasted Morgan's light green jumper and jeans.

"So are we," May replied as she and Pepper hugged. "It's already pretty difficult to find a day off."

"Understandable. Everyone is busy with finding a new version of normal since everyone returned. How are you doing?"

May shrugged. "We're doing our best, aren't we?" She nudged him, prompting him to nod.

"Yeah, it's been, uh, interesting. School is taking things slowly and letting us catch up for a bit," he replied.

"Morgan's school went into break earlier than others, so they have a bit more time to figure out to do with all the classes." Morgan grinned at Pepper, a gap between her teeth showing she had recently received some money from the Tooth Fairy (if she did believe in that.)

"School have given me extra time off, right?" Morgan asked.

"Yes, which means you have more time to play with Gerald."

"Who's Gerald?" He asked, playing his role as the confused teenager who needed to adjust to the world around him.

He, Ned and MJ had quickly realised that they would need to do a lot of acting to seem more surprised than they actually were about all world events. They had obviously been shocked at most world events when they had first reintegrated into society but now they had a problem of knowing what happened. People would become suspicious if they seemed relaxed about everything, especially him and Ned. They were known for being more reactive which completely contrasted MJ's usual style of rolling with events as they happened.

"The alpaca I found a few years ago."

He looked past Pepper to see Tony in the doorway leading to the kitchen. His eyebags hadn't settled but had definitely improved over the past few years, he still had his black fleece jumper which he preferred to wear in autumn but never winter, and Peter knew that if he stepped directly under light then the beginnings of grey hairs would show.

He smiled. "Hey Underoos, May."

He hadn't seen Tony properly since the battlefield. There had been very little time to talk to Tony properly since…well, since before.

"Morgana, do you wanna help me show them outside?" He asked, inviting Morgan over to his side.

"Can we show them Gerald?" She replied, tugging at his hand.

"How did you get an alpaca?" May asked as they went through the kitchen, passing the kitchen island which had bowls of crisps and some glasses on it. The oven hummed as heat emanated from it.

Tony waved his hand. "Oh, y'know, a friend of a friend had a bunch of alpacas who needed new homes and Gerald happened to be the one I picked. He's friendly though, don't worry."

They exited out of the kitchen backdoor onto the porch which overviewed the lake. Trees surrounded the outskirts of the area, providing shade as the leaves and pine needles crunched under their feet.

He blinked away the memory of a boat sailing across the water as ripples sailed across the lake's surface.

"It's wonderful," May murmured. "How long has this been here?"

"Since late 2018," Pepper replied. "We needed a quiet place for Morgan and this ticked all the boxes."

"Can I show them the treehouse?" Morgan asked, pointing to the treeline to their right. He squinted and made out a structure slightly hidden away from where they stood.

"It's a bit muddier today, are you sure you want to go?" Pepper asked.

Morgan nodded. "Please?"

"I'll go," he said, realising he had been too quiet since he had arrived. Tony would pick up there was something wrong and question him about it way earlier than he was ready for. They both knew they needed to talk about the final battle and what would happen in the future but they didn't have the time for it yet.

"Yay!" She exclaimed.

"Remember to be slow on the ladder," Tony called out as Morgan grabbed his hand and gently dragged him forwards.

"I will! C'mon, I'll lead the way!"

He smiled, his chest aching dully as he remembered doing this in the previous timeline. It had been much drier but definitely colder but he had followed Morgan through the trees despite his cold fingers.

He followed her as she skipped along the edge of the lake's bank and through a well-trodden path into the trees. Red and amber leaves swayed on the branches above their heads as they neared the treehouse.

The tree itself was sturdy and supported the two levels the treehouse had. A thick rope ladder which was secured to the tree allowed them to reach the first level which was a platform with four thick branches stabilising it. The ladder then lead up to a well-built treehouse with a hand painted wood door -he could see a child's handprints just beneath the doorknob- with a window on the side.

"Did you build this?" He asked.

"Yep." She grinned. "Dad and Uncle Happy took so long getting the base-thingy up but then it was really easy." Ah, she meant the platform. "Mum helped me paint the door and then we made all of the inside really pretty!"

"Sounds like a lot of fun. Can I see?" She nodded. "Would you like to go up the ladder first?"

"Dad always says 'ladies first' but mum says that guests should be first…so you can go before me." She gave him such a childish smile that he couldn't refute her.

"Thank you very much," he replied, smiling honestly for the first time in a while.

The second level of the treehouse wasn't very far in the air so he didn't struggle with the ladder, simply pulling himself up in a few seconds and waiting for Morgan to reach the second before he opened the door.

Fairy lights were strung from the ceiling, travelling around the whole room. A couple of huge bright beanbags were tucked away in the corner of the room and there was a nicely patterned carpet in the centre of the treehouse. A small desk was positioned in front of the window, natural light streaming onto the papers filled with crayon and pencil drawings. A couple of low shelves held neatly arranged books and drawing pads.

"So, what do you like to do in here?" He asked as he walked through the door after letting Morgan through.

"Reading or drawing," she replied, going over to her desk and searching through a stack of papers. "I like drawing more when it's warm, otherwise my fingers get cold and I don't like it. Look!" She held up a piece of paper which showed a…TIE-fighter? "Dad said you'd like this one the most and it's one of my best drawings!"

Tony talked to Morgan about him?

He looked at the picture closely after she gave it to him to hold, smiling when he realised how close it was to an actual TIE-fighter for a kid's drawing. It reminded him of how he was as a child.

"Wow, you're really good at drawing," he replied. "How much do you know about Star Wars?"

She fiddled with her fingers. "I watch the cartoons on TV but mum says I'm too young to watch the movies. I really, really want to watch them when I'm older! Dad says he might let me when I'm 9."

"Has he shown you the BB-8 we worked on?"

Her face lit up. "He got FRIDAY to show us old videos of you creating BB-8 and it was so cool!" She continued talking about BB-8 and his other (non-Spider-Man related) creations in the lab, her childish wonder making his heart ache a little more.

When had he lost that spark?

Maybe it was when he lost his childhood innocence after Ben died, or maybe it was after he became Spider-Man – no, it was later than that. He had still had moments with Ned where they freaked out at the little things like when Lego released new Star Wars sets or they achieved something cool in robotics class. Tony would have seen it a few times on lab days or during some of his less universe-impacting fights.

He wondered if he would ever get it back.

He let Morgan direct most of the conversation, letting her show him more of her drawings and eventually pull out a card game for them to play until he realised they had probably spent more time in the treehouse than what he intended.

"Hey, Morgan, do you wanna go back inside?" He suggested after he let her win another round of Snap.

She hesitated before nodding. "Kinda. I just wanna know when dinner is ready."

"I think it will be soon. Do you know what it is?"

"Lasagne. Mum let me add lots of cheese on the top!"

He grinned. "Cheese is one of the best foods ever. Should we go and find out when it'll be ready?"

"Okay, just lemme tidy the cards away. Mum always reminds me to do it but I want her to see I can do it without her!"

"Do you want me to help?" He always found that Morgan liked to be independent, but if she felt tired then she wouldn't say no.

"I'm okay."

He tidied the surrounding area by shuffling the papers into a neat pile and putting the beanbags back where they were, smiling when Morgan said she was done.

It didn't take too long for them to get back inside and take off their shoes. The bowls filled with crisps had been moved to where Pepper, May and Tony were in the living room. The wood fire crackled in the background as Morgan went to sit with her parents and he decided to sit in one of the comfy leather armchairs.

For a lot of the evening he found that he didn't know what to do with himself. For the most part he kept Morgan entertained, taking a small break during dinner -a very large lasagne because both Tony and Pepper remembered how much he ate- before continuing until Morgan had to get ready for bed. She insisted that she was independent enough to do a lot of the tasks by herself but Pepper checked on her before she went to bed, but afterwards it meant that May, Pepper and Tony could talk about more serious topics.

He listened for most of the time, adding to the conversation whenever it felt appropriate but otherwise keeping quiet. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Most of the time he would be willing to jump into the conversation but something felt wrong about it tonight.

Maybe it was because he was finally seeing how Tony would have carried on with his life after surviving the final battle. He had spent over a year in the previous timeline knowing that Tony Stark died when he was arguably the last person that should have sacrificed himself to save the universe.

He had dedicated part of his life to making the world better and Avenging, but he had also spent the latter part of his life creating a family and living in a well-deserved retirement. He hadn't seen the fallout of the final battle or how the world fought to recover from the return of half the previous population. He hadn't seen how America suddenly had a massive gap for heroes since many of the first generation were retired or dead.

He hadn't seen the new generation rise up.

He hadn't seen Peter deal with the vulture-like media who swarmed him after the disaster that was his Europe trip.

He hadn't seen Peter fuck up multiple times.

And now he would see what Peter did.

The thought terrified him.

He excused himself by saying he was going to refill his drink, barely catching how Tony watched him as he walked out of the living room and went into the kitchen.

Eyeing the backdoor which led to the porch, he debated going outside. It wouldn't be too chilly since it was one of the warmer October nights based on what the forecast said.

He remembered how Pepper said this place was miles better for stargazing on a clear night. She had pointed out the Big Dipper, Vega, Ursa Major and Minor when he had been allowed to stay over during the previous timeline. They had stood there and drank hot chocolates whilst working out when other star constellations would reveal themselves when the Earth rotated enough that some constellations would be uncovered by the trees.

It had been one of the few times he came here after Tony's funeral.

He quietly opened the backdoor and stepped onto the porch, leaving the door slightly ajar. All the constellations he had thought about were in the sky already. They were very easy to spot without all the light pollution of Queens – everything around him was just woodland for miles.

Were the stars moved back when Stephen accidentally made them time travel? Did the cosmos reverse where they were for the sake of a miscast spell? Were the runes of Kauf-Kaul that powerful that they could move entire spatial areas?

Time travel produced by magic made his head spin. If miscast sorcery could do that then being erased from the world's memory seemed as easy as breathing. He would have had to start life from scratch – everything about him would have disappeared. Poof. No more Peter Parker.

He would have walked by MJs workplace and seen her and Ned talking, would have seen them move on with their lives without him, but neither of them would have been aware of his absence. Pepper and Morgan wouldn't remember that he visited with May whenever they found a rare break in both their schedules, would have forgotten that he built Lego with Morgan on chilly winter evenings and played with her in the lake on that one summer day.

His whole life would have been erased and no one except him would know.

His ears picked up the casual thud of footsteps, how they paused for a few seconds as a couple of bowls clinked as they were placed in the sink before the thuds continued, becoming slightly louder before hesitating and then continuing.

Tony pushed the door open before gently shutting it behind him.

"How come you're out here Underoos?" He asked softly, standing next to Peter.

"…just wanted to see the stars," he replied quietly.

"They're real nice out here. Better than when we were at the Compound."

"Yeah." He watched as the night breeze made the surface of the lake ripple. "Morgan showed me her TIE-fighter drawings."

"What did you think of them?"

"They were awesome."

Tony chuckled. "They're her favourite drawings."

"She said…" he hesitated, unsure if he wanted to initiate this conversation. "She said you knew I'd like that one a lot."

Tony nodded in his peripheral vision. "Yeah…y'know, she started watching it by herself. I went to get a coffee and came back to see she had switched the channel and there was a Star Wars cartoon on."

He huffed amusedly. "She's pretty smart already. Must run in the family."

Silence settled between them as Tony let the conversation lull – maybe he was giving Peter time to mentally prepare for what he was about to say.

"There's something else on your mind, isn't there?" He asked, nudging Peter's elbow.

He didn't reply for a minute, painstakingly trying to find the words he wanted to say. Revealing that he was a time traveller and could have done a lot more wasn't something he could mess up without some serious consequences like breaking Tony's trust.

"There's something I should've told you…a long time ago, I think. Maybe the outcome would've been better."

He was being truthful as he said that as well. His reasoning for not telling Tony was that he would have been pushed to the sidelines and not been able to do anything, but it had taken a long time for him to realise that he had been selfish. Stephen revealing that their loss had been inevitable had kicked him in the gut and made him realise that he should have done something else. Maybe he should have told Tony that he was a time traveller and revealed everything he knew so that they could change everything.

Sometimes he wished that he had taken the Time Stone from the Thanos and looked at all the possible future, consequences be damned. He would have seen what would happen, know what opportunities there were to change the future in their favour.

He normally told himself to ignore that train of thought. It veered too close to power hungry – something he never wanted to become.

"I'm…" his heart thumped in his chests as he struggled to say what he wanted -no, needed- to say. "I'm a time traveller."

He turned to face Tony, his hands sweating as he watched Tony's eyes widen.

"I-I know it sounds a bit insane, maybe you think I've come back weird, but I am and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. I should've-" he clenched his fists as his breaths sped up, his nails digging into his palms as he tried to keep himself grounded, "-but I didn't and now the world is fucked up again-"

"Kid." Tony grabbed his shoulders. "Breathe."

"-because I was selfish and you probably could've done more than I did with Stephen because Thanos found all the stone in the end and-"

"Peter."

He looked at Tony.

"Follow my breathing pattern. In for 3, c'mon." Tony exaggerated his breathing to make it easier for him to copy. "Hold for 4." The pressure in his chest brought him back for a few seconds, but not enough to stop regret flooding his head. "Release. You reckon you can do that a few more times for me?" He nodded. "Okay, let's go again."

He repeated the breathing exercise a couple more times before his heart rate went back to something close to normal, but it was still slightly elevated. All of his anxieties from the past few days had crashed onto him with little warning at the worst possible time.

"I've had my suspicions for a while now," Tony said.

Oh.

"Was this before the videos sent?" He asked weakly. He had completely forgotten most of his videos had sent besides the time heist videos. Working up the courage to confess that he was a time traveller had removed some of his rationality.

"You didn't seem as amazed by Doctor Strange's as I thought you would be, then you said something along the lines of 'you've seen this all before' when we were on the spaceship. That was the biggest giveaway before I watched your videos about the Snap and how we would do a time heist of some sort-"

His heart skipped a beat.

"What?!"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Was that wrong?"

"But you said you never saw the time heist video when we were on the battlefield! I've been trying to work out why it never sent since I came back!"

Except…shit.

He had probably mentioned the time heist but hadn't gone into it because he was stupid and said it would be such a long-winded explanation that it wouldn't fit into one video.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" He muttered in complete disbelief. Everything could have gone differently if he had put his explanation of the time heist into one stupid video.

How- why- why had he done that? What was he thinking? How could he have botched something as timeline-deciding as that?

"You're not mad at me," he stated. "Why aren't you mad at me? You should be furious. I messed up something that important and you're acting like everything is normal."

Tony smiled tiredly. "I was angry." He raised his hand as Peter opened his mouth. "Keyword: was. I was also grieving. You…I caught you as you were turning to dust and I…" he swallowed, "…I couldn't get the image out of my head. Then I realised you were a time traveller after watching the videos and felt worse because, yes, why didn't you tell me? Then I realised you had watched Thanos disappear from the Vault and known what was going to happen."

He thought back to the Vault and how he knew he was going to die again. The thought of dying hadn't scared him as much as he thought it would. It was the knowledge that he might not have been brought back that terrified him.

"I was the reason Thanos managed to get the Time Stone," he mumbled. "Stephen wouldn't have had to give it away if I hadn't been a liability. I swore that I wouldn't make us fail and look where we are now."

"Is this what you consider failure?" He looked at Tony, but his eyes were on the lake. "Everyone returned, we beat Thanos, you're here. Can you consider that a complete failure?"

Technically, no.

"There's so much I could've done."

"So you're stuck on the 'what if's." Tony sighed. "Kid – actually, can I still call you that? How many years did you travel back?"

"Three if we don't count the Snap, eight if we do."

Tony paused, calculating how many years that technically was.

"Two years is enough to say you've seen some shit happen. Based on what I've seen, Spider-Man's life isn't a walk in the park."

"Spider-Man is the whole reason I'm back here," he muttered.

"I doubt you'd ever give it up. How did you end up back here?"

He sighed. "It's a long story." He finally noticed the stinging pain in his palms and stretched his fingers out, crescent-shaped indents remaining from his fingernails.

"Peter, look at me." He turned to face Tony, looking straight into his eyes. "I will listen to everything you have to say. You obviously have some guilt-saviour-complex thing going on from time travelling and it's weighing you down more than anything. You had the knowledge to change the world and it clearly didn't go as you intended, but there's only one way to move on from it."

He drew in a tired breath. "And what's that?" He asked.

"Acknowledge it. Process it. Think of it as you would the stages of grief. You're bouncing in between all the stages, not that I'm saying that's wrong because that means you're in the process stage, but most importantly, learn how to live with it."

"I'm trying."

"Do or do not, there is no 'try'."

He mentally reeled back. "…did you just quote Star Wars at me?"

Tony smirked. "Yes."

He chuckled. "I'll have to learn to live with it but…"

"Where do you begin?"

"Yep. I've made so many mistakes and could've done so many things."

"Those chances are gone."

"But-"

Tony cut him off. "You will get nowhere if you keep looking back. I kept doing the same thing after our battle with Thanos and nearly drove myself insane – Pepper forced me to go to therapy. She had been trying to for months but her final card was revealing Morgan. She and I knew that I wanted to be better than my father and that therapy was my best shot at it."

"It looks like it helped."

Tony smiled. "Yeah, it did. Now, I'm not saying I will force you to go to therapy, that's your choice entirely. If you want to go to therapy then I'll help as much as you'll allow me to. I'll listen about all the time travel stuff you have stored in your brain and how the time travel heist was supposed to occur, all of that. The most important thing is that you learn to live with your mistakes. Got it?"

He nodded, blinking away the tears in his eyes.

"T-thanks."

Tony's presence was a reassurance that he had someone who was willing to help him manage everything. Yes, Ned and MJ were always there, but superhero trauma and the cosmic levels of guilt that plagued him always seemed unexplainable, but Tony understood.

He understood in the last timeline and he understood in this one.

That was all he could ask for.

Notes:

Poor Peter is traumatised asf and has a guilt complex the size of Earth…the angst potential is rising!

Seriously though, writing Morgan (extremely difficult icl) reminded me of how much childhood innocence we lose as we grow up and enter late teenage years. The world looks so bleak and depressing, especially at times like these, but smaller moments can make us enjoy life a bit more.

I always find that I get stuck on 'what if's. What if I had done x thing and succeeded that little bit more? That's essentially the point of life that Peter is at and it's a vicious cycle. Tony had been through that since he survived losing to Thanos but only had the god who tried to kill him and the witch he's tried to make amends with as comfort, so he'd know what this all looks like in Peter's head (minus the time travel problem).

Idk where this essay came from tbh I'm just very sad and bittersweet. This is one of the last times we see Stephen because he doesn't fit into the narrative as much now…hence encouragement to play Sunset Bridge. It's the end and a new beginning but acknowledging it takes a lot of strength and processing.