Chapter 3

Y'know for a supposedly war torn battlefield Blood gulch has a complete lack of that thick tension in the air that I expected it to have.

"Hey church you said about a war of red vs blue but why is Tex here wearing black armor?"

Tex "I'm a freelancer, A gun for hire one who works with the highest bidder."

Church "And the highest bidder here is us the blue."

Tex "YOU are the only bidder at all on this god forsaken planet not the blue!."

Church "The 'only' bidder in existence who would hire you!"

Tex "Yeah right."

Church "Tex when Vick told me there's a freelancer available for hire here in this ass end of the universe of a planet I knew immediately its you hiding from something or protecting it, I want to help you Tex." Church caressing Tex's visor.

Y'know for a moment there I thought my presence concealment was hard at work making my existence undetected and forgettable, If it weren't for Caboose speaking through the radio.

"Hey Arts are they cuddling?" To which I double take repeatedly to make sure if Church being suplexed and piledrived even remotely resembles cuddling.

"No Caboose, That's what you do if you want to make someone feel pain."

"Oh okay, Are they cuddling now?"

"Being smashed into the ground repeatedly is not cuddling Caboose."

*Polka music intensifies*

"Yeee-hhaaaaaww." A car comes into view at what looks like it's maximum speed, My eyes zoom on its passenger and I see people matching Church's description of the Reds.

They head straight towards me, Which I irritated respond by punching its bumper and absorbing its power even the ones sent to the ground to empower my own.

*bang* the car is sent flying along with it the passengers.

I turn to see Church and Tex staring at me in stunned silence.

"What? Something wrong?"

Church "Dude you punched a car flying, and you ask if there's something wrong! If there is something its your ridiculous strength!" I raise an eyebrow which they can't see.

"Have you seen Cabooses strength?" I've seen Caboose throw a fucking boulder his size into space now THAT is ridiculous.

Silence "No."

"Hey Caboose" "yeah?" "can you throw that rock up straight?" I point to a boulder not much bigger than the car I just punched.

"Okay." Caboose walks over to the boulder, lift then throw *BOOM* shockwave hits us I stand still unaffected while shielding Church and Tex behind my back.

Meanwhile in space.

In a spaceship.

*Ring* *ring*

Wyoming "Hello? Bloody hell!"

A boulder coming from the planet below smashes into the ships front hull which knocks Wyoming unconscious.

Caller "What's going on in there, Are you under attack?" "Wyoming? Hey! Are you there! Wyoming!"

At a planet somewhere.

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

"Wash we've got a beacon." "Copy that recovery one whose is it?" "It's Wyoming." "Send me his Coordinates." While two figures shimmers in the backgrounds one aware the other busy having a boner for stability.

Back to blood gulch.

Silence.....

"You guys have been silent these past minute so any comments?"

Tucker who arrived just when Caboose lifted the boulder raises an arm "What the fuck was that?"

"Yeah what the fuck was that!" someone who I think is Simmons the maroon one also asks with Sarge and Grif on his side, apparently by convenience also sees what happened.

"Well Church here thinks my strength is ridiculous, Who I in response let them have a sight of what really ridiculous strength actually is."

"As ridiculous Cabooses strength is, Your strength is still ridiculous."

Sarge the red colored one "Yeah you still sent our warthog flying."

"What do you prefer being sent into space or just regular flying?"

Grif the orange? Is that yellow or orange? "What about none? I'm too lazy to fly."

Okay this Grif has a confusing color and is the lazy one I think?

"Yeah yeah can we just forget this for the moment? I'm getting hungry here." I ignore their stares and started eating vines.

"What are you eating?.

Caboose answers "This Church is a vine! Arts say they are healthy!" also eating a vine

 "What? These things are edible?" Simmons points to the side of the canyon where vines are growing in abundance.

"Yes, Simmons?" "yes I'm Simmons." "They are edible, Caboose have been eating them for 3 days and I for 3 weeks."

Church taste tested a vine "This is the most tasteless thing I have ever eaten."

Me eating more vines "Hey its at least a good substitute for rice."

Them """rice?"""

"What? never heard of rice before?"

Simmons "It's not that we've never heard of rice, But that rice is now extinct along with the Asians."

Rice.... Extinct? "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." I kneel and cry in anguish

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." I cry again and again.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Sarge asks the blues.

"Hey man no one's gonna be okay if their favourite uhh," Church Turns to Tex and whispers, "Hey is rice food?" "Yes dumbass it's food, you eat it." "Their favourite food."

The word No still being screamed in the background.

"Lets just leave him be for the moment, Hey Caboose can you demonstrate your strength again? This time in safer distance."

Meanwhile in a spaceship

"Come in recovery one this is agent Washington, I have entered Wyoming's ship and found him unconscious, The ship seems to have been hit by a meteor." "oof." *Thud* A person in white armor with orange visors dramatically shimmers into visibility lowly growli- *Thud* okay.... another figure an aqua one shimmers this time undramatically, A meteor hits the ship *bang* *Thud* Wtf is with these guys and getting knocked out? Bow chicka bum bum, Caboose? Yes? How did you get here? Well there's a door next to Vick's room through which I entered.

Back to blood gulch

"Hey guys are they cuddling." Caboose asks to Tucker and the Reds who bonded by watching Church being wrestled by Tex in a way that would make champions proud and enlightened.

Simmons "No Caboose that is not cuddling."

Tucker "it's resembles hate fucking more than cuddling really."

Sarge "In my opinion this is some form of distraction to give time for the blacks evil plan to kill us all."

"Good thinking sir!"

Grif "Wait since when were the Blue and the Reds became 'Us'."

Sarge "Since Tex thrashed us black and blue or red, Look She's beating the blues starting with their leader, You two blues might need to prepare yourselves, One of you might get hospitalised."

Grif "Yeah donut still at the base healing from that beating he received on top of that a grenade exploded on his face."

Tucker "Well it is his fault for entering the back door and stealing our flag pole, Which resulted to Church finding his ex is available locally for hire three days later, Why would he ."

Simmons "Yeah you guys really should of locked that door, We only asked him to buy us some Elbow grease and headlight fluid."

Tucker "Wait he stole our flag and thought the blue base was a store?"

Grif "Yeah on second thought why did donut think that the blue base was a store."

Tucker looks away

A few days before

Donut sees the blue base and enters through the back door and sees a list.

Tucker's list of the 'stuff'

(13042)(17214)(18147)(18222)(21560)(10247)(11518)(23677)(13605)(11311)(10371)(21290)(17504)(11219)(19276)(18101)(22200)(19452)(21589)(67893)(13918)(11310)(39695)(17166)(13851)(13850)(12224)(14991)(15857)(17149)(14471)(21272)(21604)(20420)(15874)(90092)(13486)(11347)(17142)(11264)(22411)(18502)(14218)(36477)(22801)(17138)(15021)(23845)(156926)(11207)(19500)(92207)(15857)(76038)(11219)(15099)(177013)

Donut "Huh one item's only left must be that long rod over there."

Back to the present

Tucker "Guy must have seen my list of." Wiggles eyebrows.

Simmons "Why did you pause."

"I'm Wiggling my brows."

"Finished?" "Yes." "So what kinda list was it."

"The 'good stuff' kind of list."

""Oh""

Caboose "Oh Oh are there ponies, and butto-."

Tucker "None, I'm not into bestiality and machines."