NINETEEN

"No I'm good, it's great here. Well, the weather is bad."

"Why did you guys have to take a trip to the ocean anyway, it's getting winter?" Actually, the climate was perfect for Harry, not too hot for a jumper and not that cold that he needed a jacket.

"I don't know." Harry laughed at his phone, making Gemma laugh too. It was good to talk to her again, it had been ages since the last time. "Are you coming over on Christmas eve?" Harry played with the string of his jumper.

"I'll try my best." She answered. That meant nothing, it was what she always said. She made it once, she was busy, college was hard and efforts a lot of time Harry understood, but he missed her, especially over the holidays. "Okay." He whispered sadly.

"What did you plan for the evening?" Harry shrugged but he forgot Gemma couldn't see him so. "I don't know the usual, probably."

"It's your last school trip, go and do something stupid, have some fun." She sighed, right as Niall bust into the room. "Harry, guess what."

"I'm on the phone." He turned the screen so Niall could see who he was speaking to. "Hi, Niall."

"Hi, Gems. Hang up."

"What why?"

"Now."

"It's okay Harold, I have to go anyways." Her voice sounded through the phone. "I love you, see ya."

"Love ya too, bye." Harry rolled his eyes at Niall who jumped excitedly. "There is a party in the lobby today."

"Never in a million years." Harry shook his head - no. Every time a party was involved it ended weird. "Oh come on. It's the last day, you need to be there." He bagged making a pout. "Ugh, fine. But just for an hour."

-

"Where is Zayn all the time??" Harry wondered as he saw one of Zayn's blouses hanging in the closet. "I don't know, somewhere with Liam I guess."

"He is with him pretty often lately, isn't he?" Even more often than he went to Gigi, that was weird. He never got enough of her, he used to be at her house all the time. "I guess. Should I wear this one or this one?" Niall held two different coloured shirts in front of his chest. "Uhm, this one. But take a jacket it's going to be cold."

"Sure, mom."

Harry chose one of his pattern-button- up's, black skinnies and his Chelsea boots. Not too much, he wouldn't stay long anyway. "Are you guys ready?" Liam knocked at the door, with Zayn, Louis, Luke and Amilia. They all walked down together, Harry felt like one of those elite groups in movies.

"Hey Harry, want a drink?" Luke asked from his left. Harry hesitated to answer. He and Luke hadn't really talked since he walked into them. "Uhm, sure why not." The others were dancing or jumping into the pool outside, but Harry just took a seat at the bar and watched the time pass by.

Luke and he had talked over an hour about everything thinkable. Some questions Luke asked were suspect to Harry tho. "He looked kinda into you." Louis was leaning on the counter next to him. Harry just shrugged. It had been weird between them again. Since the near kiss, they hadn't exchanged a single word.

"Why do you care?" Harry swallowed te the last sip of his drink and left. He wouldn't ever admit it but it somehow hurt to see Louis because he felt things he didn't want to feel for him. The music got quieter as he made his way through a corridor that probably leads somewhere outside. There were small footsteps following him. "What do you want?" He asked annoyed.

"Where are you going?"

Harry shook Louis' hand off of his wrist and went through the door, "Outside, what does it look like?" Louis chuckled following him.

"You look cute when you're trying to be mad."

"What?" Harry turned around, seeing the older boy smile at him. "I said-"

"I know what you said." It was just weird hearing those words coming out of his mouth. The slow music playlist started and was still slightly hearable from outside. "You know what that means." Harry drew his eyebrows at Louis offering him his hand.

"I'm sorry for the last days, please let me make it up to you."

"I'm sorry for running you over." Both of them laughed and Harry took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Louis let his arm slide around Harry's waist resting it on the middle of his back. Harry did the same, closing the gap between their chests. His heart dropped. What was he even doing again?

He was comfortable enough that he could feel Louis' warmth against his body, and it felt... good. Harry started liking it more and more. He let his head drop onto Louis' shoulder, snuggling into the gap between his neck and shoulder. God, he smelled so good, like a mixture of chocolate and strawberries. Harry felt a drop of water hit his hand, and then another. They kept on rocking back and forth to a song from the fray Harry believed it was.

More and more drops fell from above until it was pouring. Water was dripping from Harry's curls but he didn't want to let go of Louis at that moment. His breath, brushing Harry's ear, was causing goosebumps to spread all along. "Haz."

"Lou?" Harry lifted his head to look into those eyes that were made of the prettiest blue he had ever seen. Louis's hands wandered up to Harry's cheeks and his thumb gently brushed along his cheekbones. "What are you doing?"

"What I should have done in the hallway already." He came closer and closer until his breath brushed Harry's lips making them tingle, their noses were touching. Harry gave in and allowed his eyes to close, he was breathing shallowly and slow. There was so much going on in his body, his fingertips tingled and the butterflies went all crazy, he couldn't contain this any longer.

So he made his move and closed the gap between their lips. The slow, passionate kiss made him weak in his knees. It was even better than the last one. Louis tasted sweet and sour at the same time. Cold water drops were streaming down their faces. It was like the world around them stopped. It just felt right, until Louis backed off, something in his eyes had changed and his smile had washed off.

"I- I need to go." He ripped his eyes off of Harry and then disappeared into the darkness, leaving him alone in the rain. His lips were numb and swollen. How long had they been kissing? A stinging pain grew in his chest as Louis' silhouette got smaller. He did it again. He gave in and let Louis hurt him. Again. Harry hated himself for that, no he hated Louis for that.

-

"Well, someone's home late."

"Oh for goodness sake, Niall you scared the crap out of me!" He was sitting in his bed, legs crossed.

"I thought you were still at the party?"

"Nah, Mr Johnson crashed it, but it looks like you have had a good time outside didn't ya?"

"No. What do you mean? I was just getting some fresh air." Harry scratched the back of his head trying not to be suspicious.

"Mhm, sure. In Louis' arms?" Niall grinned "Niall-", Harry warned, but he wasn't really intimidating at the moment, there was still water dripping down his chin and hair. "Don't worry I didn't watch you two." Harry raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe a few seconds."

"Oh god, I need a shower."

"And then I want every single detail," Niall shouted as Harry closed the bathroom door and let himself slide down. He was confused by his feelings. On the one hand, he was burning to kiss Louis again, to just forget everything and let go, but on the other hand, he hated him, he hated him so much. Everything about him the way he pronounced some words or that he preferred ranch on his pizza and his smile, the smile that shone so bright that his eyes crinkled up in such a cute way.

"Ugh." He groaned and dropped his head onto his bent knees.

-

"And he just left?"

"Yes, Niall, he did."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know it wasn't the first time."

"Wait what? Did you two-" Niall turned his head to Harry who just kept on staring at the ceiling, the blanket pulled up to his elbows. "Uh," Fuck. He hadn't told Niall about the previous kisses. "Yes, we did," Harry explained everything from the deal to what he felt. Something he usually didn't do but it was definitely the right thing to do right now. The weight on his shoulders lifted with every further word.

"Wow, okay that is a lot to process."

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier, I just didn't know how."

"There is something I have to tell you too. About the Harvard thing." His tone changed, it sounded honest and quiet. Harry turned to look at him, he was playing with the Cords of his jumper. "I, uhm, I don't want to go there."

"But we wanted to go to the same college since fifth grade."

"I know and I still want to but just not... Harvard."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because you were so happy and Harvard is your biggest dream since... forever. I just didn't want to ruin that."

Yes, it had been a big dream of Harry, but... without Niall? It didn't feel right.

Harry answered only listening partly to his brother, his mind was working hard, questioning if Harvard really was what he wanted. Yes, yes it was, it was all he had ever worked for, so hard. It was his biggest dream.

"Are you mad?"

"No." He answered staring into the darkness.

-

Louis went back to his usual self. Since that night he had ignored Harry completely, avoiding any kind of contact for a few weeks now. Harry saw him in the hallways sometimes but had no idea if he still went to all his classes or if he was back to skipping and playing the bad boy.

"Stop looking at him all the time." Niall suddenly stood next to him. "I wasn't." He lied shutting the red locker door. "Mhm, anyways we wanna go now."

"Do I have to come?" Harry whined, he had better things to do this weekend than visiting some college Niall tend to go to. He probably wouldn't go there anyway, just like the last five he had visited. But this time he insisted Harry to join him. "Yes." There was no bagging of the blonde boy as expected, he just grabbed the strap of Harry's backpack and dragged him to his car, where Zayn and Liam were already waiting.

Something about these two seemed different but Harry couldn't figure out what it was.

"You didn't tell me he would be here too." Harry noticed giving Niall a mad look as he saw Louis exiting his car.

"Yes, because otherwise, you would have declined."

"Probably."

"But he is our friend too and we can't just leave him out because you two have... whatever you two have." Niall shrugged. Harry rolled his eyes annoyed. "God." He breathed out. It was so unnecessary to be there and then he had to get along with Louis too.

Could it get any worse?