Her Growing Pains Burning in

Her footsteps saturated the fissured pavement as the girl walked from school and later slowly descended the narrow stairway's concrete with the walls on either side covered in ivy and moss.Her mind was drawn downward to catch the few playful children running past with their parents.Her insides churned full of envy and dreadful sadness at her deadening suffering as the lone girl watched the painful reminder of the warmth so far out of reach for her.Her shoulders slumped under the weight of her loneliness pressing down harder with each step the marionette took further into the gloom.Her vision blurred with unshed tears as the girl reached the bottom of the stairs.Her walks monotonously followed in continuation.Her eyes scanned the darkened alleys wherein silhouettes shifted and merged to mask the obscure figures of homeless men huddled against the cold.Her pace added up to thrust through the labyrinth of brownstone buildings and trashed sidewalks.Her breaths hastened as the girl passed a group of hollow-eyed addicts lightened by the flicker of a lighter.Her steps falteringly neared her street to see the familiar sight of the neighborhood blanketed in unwarming streetlights of neglect and decay that permeated every aspect of her existence.Her gaze traced the chipped paint and overgrown weeds surrounding the desolate boarded-up windows of the abandoned-looking property at the end of the road that stood out even in the darkness.Her fingers tightened and clenched around the strap of her bag as the day's weight pressed down on her while the vessel took the final stretch toward her home and reached the rickety gate.Her ears strained to hear from inside for the silence to be broken by the wails of a faraway siren.Her hand shook as the empty shell reached for the rusted metal door handle with an overwhelming sense of despair.Her hand clenched the door handle.Her hand clenched.Her heart clenched.Her entire body trembled as it stood paralyzed by a fear wrapping itself around her chest and squeezing the breath from her lungs.Her mind was enamored in terror reverberating through her skull and driving her closer to the edge of sanity inside the maelstrom of horrifying memories of unimaginable dread converging into a focal point at the door that grew into an impregnable castle wall between her and the abyss that awaited inside.Her heart pounded and pounded at her trapped existence to consume every shred of hope the deprived girl might have once had with every second the girl hesitated.Her seconds turned into minutes and soon a full hour.Her thoughts spiraled downward into the lowest low of the darkest dark of the cesspool of hell as though crossing that threshold would mean losing herself completely to the nightmares that haunted her every waking moment.Her fingers dug into the handle with its icy tendrils wrapping around her heart and squeezing until the prisoner of her own mind felt like it might burst just as the thought of ending it all flickered through like a sweet release from the unceasing terror and the cessation of all pain and suffering yet ceased instantaneously.Her legs weakened as her head spun.Her knees buckled as the broken soul teetering on the verge of oblivion slumped against the door with the handle slipping from her grasp.Her back stiffened suddenly as the girl felt a calloused hand rest on her shoulder.Her mind froze.Her eyes widened.Her breaths hagged.Her body shriveled.Her hands trembled.Her heart drummed.Her tear-filled eyes met her father's hollow and sunken gaze as the girl turned.Her father's face was lined with years of hardship while his tattered and stained clothes told of the said hardships and remnants of a long day at the construction site.Her father's warm smile made her blood run cold.Her father's grip tightened to steer her toward what lay beyond the door.Her skin crawled under the icy touch of his fingers digging into her shoulder.Her feet were dragging as if the weight of her dread pinned her to the ground.Her father guided her through the dimly lit rooms.Her knees weakened yet his presence was a constant.Her father's voice broke the silence more paralyzing than before. "What has happened to you? Did you hurt yourself? Do you want to make me and your mother worried? Do you not care about us?"Her heart ached at the false kindness in his words.Her body was on autopilot as the girl followed his lead.Her father then steered her toward the kitchen.Her eyes darted to take in the neglect and decay.Her father's hand remained on her shoulder.Her ears picked up the crackling sound of an old sitcom playing in the background.Her gaze fell onto the half-broken laughing TV.Her insides twisted as the girl looked around the kitchen in a complete disarray.Her eyes traced peeling wallpapers and the grime-covered countertops cluttered with dirty dishes and half-eaten food.Her feet shuffled through the discarded wrappers and broken glass crunching underfoot.Her nose pricked the overflowing smell of rotting food that would make one gag.Her father's hand guided her toward the stove where pots and pans with crusted remnants of meals long past sat neglected.Her fingers trembled as she reached for a clean plate.Her father's voice cut through her. "Be quick. I'm starving."Her own body groweld and trembled from all the accumulated pain yet the marionette couldn't care less at the moment.Her fingers brushed against the worn countertop.Her shallow breaths were trapped in a cycle of breath in fear and breath out despair.Her hands moved mechanically as the girl prepared a simple meal.Her father's gleefully deadpan gaze never left her. "Did you tell someone? You wouldn't want your mother to suffer from your stupid actions. Right? You wouldn't want me to rot in a secluded jail cell till the end of my days. Right?"Her mind buzzed.Her mind screamed at her to run.Her head shook right and left.Her father's hand reached across the table to brush hers with a touch that sent a shiver down her spine. "Forgive me. I was drunk at the time after laborous day. Did it hurt that bad?"Her nod was barely perceptible.Her eyes met his across the table as they sat down to eat.Her father's smile widened.Her mind reeledHer father's eyes made her feel exposed and vulnerable.Her breath caught in her throat.Her father's grip tightened on her hand.Her heart pounded in her chest as the girl picked up her fork.Her father gently stroked her hand.Her eyes remained downcast on the food before her.Her father's quiet humming was a distorted attempt at normalcy that sent chills down her spine.Her bites were a struggle against the knot of dread tightening in her stomach.Her mind made it hard to swallow.Her heart ached with the desire to flee.Her body remained frozen in the routine.Her fork scraped against the plate as they ate in silence.Her father's satisfied eyes never left her as his dark and disheveled hair covered his forehead.Her pulse quickened as the stringless puppet finished her meal.Her father's voice broke the silence. "Go feed your mother."Her legs felt weak as the girl stood.Her father's hand brushed against hers as the girl picked up the plate.Her father's presence lingered behind her as his daughter ascended.Her hand clutched the trembling plate full with days-old food as the girl made her way to the small room where her mother awaited.Her fingers turned the knob to creak the door open and reveal her frail and slumped mother sitting in a worn chair.Her heart ached at the sight of her mother.Her eyes gazed into a darkness only she could see.Her mother's aged hands were clasped in prayer.Her mother's lips moved silently. "Forgive me for the times I have fallen short of your glory. I lift up my child to you. I pray for forgiveness for any wrongdoings she may have committed…"Her mother's smile was genuine.Her mother was happy.Her mother's joyful voice pierced the silence. "My girl? Is that you?"Her heart twisted. "Yes. Who else but me?" The girl said cheerfully.Her mother's smile deepened. "You had me worried. Isn't it late? How did the studies go? Did you get the results for your exams?"Her breath caught in her throat as the girl approached her. "Not yet. But you know I'm a genius. Don't you? Of course I will get great results."Her mother's hands reached out tremblingly. "Make sure to! Your education comes first! I so wish I studied properly when I was your age. Don't let your future drown in regrets! Don't let our efforts in raising you be in vain!"Her breath hitched. "I definitely will. I have lots of homework so I won't be able to spend lots of time with you today."Her mother's voice grew stronger. "No! Don't leave me alone! Your father works all day long and is too tired to take care of me. He's the breadwinner of our house. But you're young. You have lots of energy. Make sure to spend at least an hour of your time with your mother a day."Her mother's whispers grew further. "But what is it with you today? Your voice is strange. Just as I thought. Did you really do badly on your exams? Don't hide it from your mother!"Her heart broke. "I'm sorry. I will make sure to spend more time with you tomorrow. You know only half of the exams are over."Her fingers brushed against the bandages to adjust them as the girl placed the plate of food on the small table beside her mother.Her mother's smile remained. "Alright. Don't fail me. Don't fail our Lord. Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved."Her heart pounded as the girl descended the stairs after leaving the room.Her eyes were red as the girl finally reached her room.Her gaze swept over the worn-out furniture and the small bed that awaited her.Her shoulders slumped as the girl shut the world behind her.Her legs felt weak as the girl crossed the room.Her body trembled as the girl sank onto the edge of her bed.Her hands shook as the girl pulled off her shoes.Her breaths came in heavy gasps.Her tears broke free.Her body curled.Her consciousness slipped.………Her eyes shot open to the door's shut.Her mind was slow to clear.Her father's appearance was stained with a reek of alcohol.Her father's head lolled to one side.Her father's eyes were half-open yet focused.Her father's breathing was heavy and erratic.Her heart raced louder and more insistent to resonate with her escalating dread.Her gaze darted to seek an escape from reality.Her thoughts fluttered away before her grasp on reality wavered.Her understanding of the moment slipped through her fingers.Her mind became unable to keep the growing distress.Her sense of self slipped away.Her reactions were delayed and disconnected from the realest reality unfolding before her—a reality the girl couldn't escape.…Her shell was torn.Her mind was tornHer cries were illusory.Her escape was illusory.Her reality was penetrated.…Her pain overwhelmed her senses and clouded her thoughts.Her unuttered plea for it to stop was lasting.Her sense of self felt fragmented.Her pieces of identity shattered and scattered.Her body tensed at the familiar yet unwelcome sensations.Her breathing became labored.Her confusion worsened.Her resentment heightened.Her pain inflamed.Her despair deepened.…Her body submerged under the sea of desperation.Her will drowned under the waves.Her energy was drained despite being continually filled by it.…Her confusion cleared.Her resentment vacated.Her pain unburdened.Her despair emptied.Her mind was filled with nothingness as though the girl were nothing and there was nothing.Her desperate attempts at protest had long since halted.Her consciousness slipped.