Chapter 314: Only Possibility 2 (Modern Twist Spoof)

The next day, Xue Meng arrived at Director Jiang's office. After listening to the entire mission briefing, he realized – he had been assigned a role akin to a matchmaker this time!

Xue Meng was infuriated, "Why am I always either stamping reports for sperm donations or charting paths for the birth of new lives? This is something you should entrust to matchmaking sites like Jiayuan Century or Baihe.com. What do you need me for?!"

Director Jiang enjoyed his steamed bun with exquisite manners, yet at an astonishing pace.

"I've told you for the third time, you're not a procurer; you're shining a light on genetic engineering for the Immortal Cultivation Research Team."

Finishing his last steamed bun, he meticulously wiped his lips with a handkerchief before lifting his gaze. "Listen carefully. The upheaval of the demonic race over the past few centuries has become increasingly evident. Within two centuries, there might be another fierce battle between humans and demons. We need the most powerful military resources."

"…In other words, you need the offspring of the exotic beauty, Xi Fan, to reproduce," Xue Meng rolled his eyes.

Jiang Xi remained unperturbed. "That's right, exactly so."

"But the exotic beauty, Xi Fan, hasn't appeared for a long time. The only lead we have is someone named Mo Ran."

"That's correct."

"You need that guy to bear you a child."

"Indeed."

Xue Meng's disdain was plain on his face: "But that guy is gay."

Jiang Xi added nonchalantly, "A pure-blooded one."

Xue Meng ground his teeth: "So you spent over a decade developing a simulation game called the Destiny Bouncer—"

"Jumper," Jiang Xi corrected expressionlessly. "Strictly speaking, it's not really a game."

"I don't care if it's a Jumper or a Bouncer!" Xue Meng finally roared in frustration. "Anyway, you want me to use that machine to simulate destiny, looking for opportunities in Mo Ran's life to correct a gay man's orientation, just like those save-and-load character training games, introducing him to girls with big breasts and long legs so they can have kids together—"

Jiang Xi interrupted him again. The Director waved a finger. "No need for big breasts or long legs, just a well-proportioned backside for fertility."

"..."

From the director's office came Xue Meng's earth-shattering roar, "Isn't that still something a matchmaker should be doing?!!!"

"Calm down. The Destiny Jumper is merely simulating possibilities – in essence, it's a test version." Jiang Xi sipped his tea. "The bureau will compile your test results and eventually formulate an actual action plan."

"I refuse."

"Relax, young man," Director Jiang disregarded his refusal. "Just think of yourself as a beta tester for a life simulation game."

"I said I refuse! Maybe you should get your hearing checked at the ear, nose, and throat clinic, Director?"

Unfortunately, the director was persistent, so Xue Meng had no choice but to accept the assignment. Director Jiang wasn't entirely unsympathetic, though. He kindly assigned Xue Meng a gaming companion, a talking paper dragon.

"Assistant, advisor, guide, plaything, summoned beast, or court jester," Jiang Xi said casually, holding his porcelain teacup. "Call it whatever you like. It's yours now and will enter the simulation game with you, offering counsel."

With that, he waved his hand, ignoring Xue Meng's protests. "Let's begin, recent graduate."

"You called me what???"

Director Jiang had no intention of responding further.

With a wave of his hand, the recent graduate was politely escorted by a few smiling ladies into the control room, where he donned a series of devices and embarked on his mission.

After a dizzying whirl, Xue Meng found himself in the first world.

...He had heard of parents forbidding teenagers from playing games, but never of those forcing them to. However, since Jiang Xi said it was a mission, he supposed it would be best to finish it quickly.

Xue Meng turned his head with a dark expression and discovered the little paper dragon perched on his shoulder. Its tiny dragon claws held a guide to the mission, and it cooed in amazement as it read, "Ooh, ooh, ooh-oooh! Ooh-oooh!"

"Shut up," he growled. "Are you a goose?"

"Certainly not! I'm the all-knowing, all-seeing Dragon of Dumplings and Candles!" The little paper dragon flicked its tail at Xue Meng's face. "Go this way."

Xue Meng glanced in the direction it indicated—a dilapidated, dim alleyway. Posters of various advertisements littered the alley entrance, and an unknown liquid pooled on the ground, likely a mixture of garbage bag leaks and spewed contents from chamber pots.

With a resolute step, Xue Meng walked in the opposite direction.

"Hmm, where are you going?"

"To a cleaner path."

The little dragon pouted in anger. "Do you think I wanted to choose this path?" It slapped the mission guide onto Xue Meng's nose. "Read it yourself! It says that if you walk 200 meters down this alley and find a noodle shop, you'll meet Mo Ran, who is attending elementary school!"

Xue Meng took the guide, looked at it skeptically, and found it to be true.

With a grim expression, he returned the guide to the little dragon, steeled himself, and stepped into the darkness.

Although he felt like he was going mad, he followed the guide out of the alley and turned left. The road gradually widened and became cleaner.

"Right! It's ahead! That 'Here We Go Again Noodle Shop'," the little dragon said excitedly, dancing about. Xue Meng was relieved that due to the nature of the magical world, the people here couldn't see them; otherwise, it would have been embarrassing.

They quickly found the young Mo Ran among the diners. It had to be said that Mo Ran was very recognizable, with his tattered backpack, worn-out sneakers with detached soles, and greasy black hair that hadn't been washed in days, hanging limply before his eyes.

Despite being quite far away, Xue Meng could almost smell an unpleasant odor emanating from Mo Ran, as no one was willing to sit in the seats around him.

"A malnourished little dirty dog," Xue Meng commented, stroking his chin.

"He'll grow up to be very handsome," the little dragon reminded him.

"So why are we looking for elementary school-aged Mo Ran?" Xue Meng asked. "Why not just find the handsome adult version, slip him some Yin-Yang Harmony Powder, and grab a girl to throw into a dark room?"

The little dragon shot him a disdainful glance. "Big brother, we're part of the cultivation bureau, not some pleasure house."

"..."

"Besides, the cultivation bureau forbids such unorthodox use of potions. You have to make Mo Ran fall in love with a girl and marry her, willingly having children. So nurturing feelings from childhood would be the best approach."

As the little dragon spoke, it tried to find supporting evidence in the mission guide, and to its surprise, it actually found something.

"Haha, I knew I was an all-powerful Dragon of the Jiao Zhu! Look, there's really a recommended strategy here!"

"…Was that guide Jiang Xi really gave you not a game cheat?"

Despite his words, Xue Meng still pulled the guide back with a look of disgust. He smoothed out the wrinkled paper, narrowing his eyes to read under the dim streetlight.

Damn, it indeed listed a dozen or so female targets that were feasible for Mo Ran at the moment.

"Target One: Wang Xiaomi. Method of acquaintance: Cast a spell to make Wangcai, the dog at the noodle shop, suddenly develop rabies and bite Mo Ran while he's eating. At this moment, a Santana will pass by, and the driver will kindly take Mo Ran to the hospital for a vaccine. Wang Xiaomi is the driver's daughter, one year younger than Mo Ran, in third grade of primary school. They will meet in the car and become childhood friends."

With an expression that said, "Are you kidding me?", Xue Meng continued to read about the next target.

"Target 2: Li Datmi. Approach Method: Cast a spell to cause Wang Cai, the mascot at the noodle shop, to suddenly die."

"That won't work," said Xue Meng, who had a soft spot for animals after stamping countless certificates for pig and chicken farms. His conscience compelled him to veto the idea, but his curiosity led him to read on. "After Wang Cai's sudden death, the owner's daughter will come out and mourn, her cries attracting her friend Li Datmi. Mo Ran will meet both young ladies tonight."

"Why not just target the noodle shop owner's daughter directly?"

The paper dragon swatted Xue Meng's face with its tail in response to his muttering, then pointed its tail tip forward. There, the owner's daughter was three times the size of Mo Ran, her eyes nearly closed, wearing green floral pants with red flowers, squatting at the entrance while picking at her feet and chewing garlic.

Xue Meng: "I get it now."

If he targeted the owner's daughter, she might push Mo Ran even further into the abyss of being perceived as gay.

Alright, the task wasn't appealing, but since he'd taken it on, he needed to see it through responsibly. That's what a good Taoist priest and righteous cultivator for the people should do.

So, despite his constant grumbling, Comrade Xue carefully reviewed all the available female targets.

The book's compiler seemed to be an eccentric with too much time on their hands, detailing each lady's height, weight, interests, and even including a two-inch headshot for each.

With the perspective of a straight man, Xue Meng found himself drawn to a young girl named Zhao Wumi.

"Oh, that name doesn't sound promising at all," the little paper dragon lamented.

"What do you know? She's adorable and will definitely grow up to be a beauty," Xue Meng said with confidence in his aesthetics. "Choose her, and Mo Ran won't stand a chance."

"Alright, we'll go with that."

Thus, the human and the dragon began following the guide's instructions earnestly.

"To trigger the 'Zhao Wumi Encounter Event,' you must wait until Mo Ran finishes his noodles and walks two streets ahead. Then, start casting rain," Little Torch Dragon read. "This way, Mo Ran will seek shelter under the nearest eaves without an umbrella. At this moment, he will hear a little girl crying from an alley—"

"It sounds like a ghost story."

"Nonsense, it's a story of a hero rescuing a beauty," huffed Little Torch Dragon. "Look, the book says that after hearing the cries, Mo Ran goes to investigate and finds Zhao Wumi being bullied by a gang called 'You Rong Nai • Da.' Young Mo Ran steps in to help, and that's how they meet."

Putting their plan into action, the little dragon summoned lightning, while Xue Meng made sure Zhao Wumi was being harassed by school thugs. Everything went smoothly until the senior girl with the most prominent curves in the 'You Rong Nai • Da' gang lifted a brick and slammed it onto Mo Ran's forehead.

Young Hero Mo Ran took a fall.

Xue Meng: "......"

Little Torch Dragon: "........."

Xue Meng: "What happened to that promised gathering of extraordinary beauties? This is the level of strength? Are you kidding me?!"

Little Torch Dragon: "Maybe they're too young and haven't activated their abilities yet..."

Amidst the thunder and lightning, Mo Ran collapsed in the rain, blood trickling down his forehead. The campus queen bee gasped, realizing she might have caused a tragedy. She hastily led her minions away like a flock of startled animals. However, the most remarkable was Zhao Wumi, who trembled as she struggled to her feet. Upon seeing Mo Ran lying lifeless in the storm, her face drained of color, and she let out a shrill scream before abandoning her savior and disappearing into the dust.

Her sprinting speed was breathtaking. Xue Meng found it hard to comprehend how the "Boobiful and Generous" girl group could ever catch up with her; even a rabbit at its fastest couldn't match her pace.

Xue Meng and Little Dragon crouched beside the unconscious Mo Ran, exchanging worried glances.

"What should we do now? Should we try to wake him up?"

"But we can't directly interfere with the people in this world..."

Xue Meng exclaimed in shock, "Does that mean he'll just bleed to death then?"

"Oh well, it's just a game simulator, not actual time travel. If he dies, he dies," Little Dragon rumbled. "Victory and defeat are common in warfare, young hero. Please try again."

True as that may be, Xue Meng was still furious. He raised the guidebook, his anger etched in every lash and pale blue vein: "This book is a fraud, isn't it?! We followed its instructions to the letter; how could it fail?"

The little dragon hesitated but then pointed its sharp claws at a line of fine print on the back cover:

CAUTION: The guidance provided by this book is derived from the unpredictable Fate Divination Algorithm. Any unforeseen consequences are the reader's own responsibility.

Xue Meng paused for a few seconds before bellowing at the sky, "Jiang Xi, you son of a—!"

Cursing Jiang Xi was an item on the to-do list, considering this reality-simulating fate-jumping machine needed data on all sorts of unexpected scenarios.

Their immediate priority now was to save Mo Ran's perpetually bleeding head.

Xue Meng and the little dragon brainstormed many ideas to get the kind passerby's attention to their plight in this dark corner. They toppled trash cans to block the path, cast spells to have stray cats cling to pedestrians' pants... But all they earned were curses at the garbage and startled cats. It was late, and people were rushing home; no one paid attention to such an insignificant alleyway.

"Wanning, wait here."

Suddenly, a mother and son appeared around the corner. The young mother was beautiful, dressed in a camel-colored cashmere coat, while her son, who only reached her knees, held a white umbrella with a big-headed cat print. Raindrops and the night's darkness glistened against his long lashes. A breeze blew, and the child seemed to shiver from the cold, tucking his delicate, fair face into his cashmere scarf, revealing only half of his features.

"Mom needs to attend to some work matters across the street. Stand here and don't wander off. I'll be right back."

The child nodded obediently, his fluffy cap slipping down crookedly to cover half of his eye.

"Perfect! This little rascal will do! Let's cast another spell to send the stray cat away, to tug at his pants!" Little Dragon exclaimed excitedly.

Xue Meng didn't need a second reminder. This time, it went even more smoothly. The child quickly noticed them and was lured over by the cat.

As he looked down in surprise at the fallen Mo Ran and called out, "Hey, are you okay?" standing beside him, Xue Meng and Little Dragon (unseen by others) sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness help has arrived."

"There's still genuine affection in this world."

Wiping their sweat, Xue Meng watched as the anxious boy rushed across the road to find his mother, all the while pulling out that deceptive guidebook. "I want to see what happened after Zhao Wumi's incident."

As if it understood his words, the guidebook flipped through several pages on its own, finally stopping on one further along.

Golden light radiated from the page, distorting the surroundings. When everything returned to normal, they found themselves twenty years into the future.

The Little Torch Dragon bellowed at him from the side, "Roar roar roar! What are you doing?!"

"… I was just joking," Xue Meng was also a bit bewildered. "I didn't expect this book to actually transport us twenty years into the future to see the outcome."

The Little Torch Dragon grumbled, "…"

Xue Meng stared blankly and said, "But if that's the case, it means that the Zhao Wumi incident we just facilitated has an impact on Mo Ran's future. Otherwise, the Guide wouldn't have brought us here, right?"

After puffing up his cheeks in anger for a while, the Little Torch Dragon finally sighed. "You're right. This must be the change we caused in this simulation. Let's go see the ending."

They moved forward, only to find that it was still the same old road from twenty years ago. Aside from the surrounding buildings being even more dilapidated, not much had changed.

However, every shop along the way had a large, red "Demolish" painted outside, and there were very few people around, giving the place a desolate feel.

"Scheduled for demolition next month," a low, gentle male voice with a hint of amusement came from a narrow alley to their left. "A little reluctant to part with it."

"I feel the same," another man's clear voice responded casually. "It was, after all, a place we used to visit often."

"Haha, more importantly, this is where I met you."

The soft voice chuckled. "You were covered in mud back then. How could you still have the nerve to say that?"

The subsequent sounds gradually faded, leaving only the moist, lingering sounds of kisses and the heavy breathing of the men in the shadows.

"..." Xue Meng and Little Torch Dragon stared, wide-eyed, at the handsome figures embracing and kissing in the alley. Even after two decades, they could vaguely discern the faces of their childhood selves.

"Um...," the little dragon stammered.

"Mo Ran is still..." Xue Meng struggled to swallow as he continued.

"A damn gay man!!!" Both the human and the dragon spoke in unison, then turned to look at each other, both on the verge of tears.

"It was our doing!!!"

Little Torch Dragon protested, "This is all your fault! Why did you cast a spell to make that little wild cat guide this 'Wanning'?"

Xue Meng was taken aback by the dragon's attempt to shift blame. "Blame me?! It was your damn storm that blinded Mo Ran during the fight, leading to him getting hit on the head!"

"Your fault! You picked Zhao Wumi's route! Look how wise that decision was!"

"Blame you! You didn't show me those tiny words at the end of the guidebook beforehand. You're just a selfish little dragon!"

"Blame you! You're blind!"

"Blame you! You're so annoying!"

"Blame you! Blame you! Blame you!"

The two Time and Space Administration employees bickered on, while Mo Ran and Chu Wanning emerged from the shadows, their fingers entwined, reminiscing about the twenty years they had known each other as they strolled down this old street that was soon to be demolished...

Gazing at their retreating figures, Xue Meng pinched Little Dragon's head and screamed hysterically, "It's all your fault!!!"

Despite the argument, they knew their mission had to proceed.

If one approach failed, they would find another way. There were countless girls in the world; surely one of them could be matched with Mo Ran for marriage and offspring.

Onward! How could a cultivation simulation game have only a single outcome?

Fueled by their anger and ambition, the two staff members motivated themselves before switching the destiny leap machine's trajectory, entering another branch of the game.

"This time, it's not that damned narrow path anymore..."

Having solidified his footing in this world, Xue Meng surveyed his surroundings.

"We seem to have been teleported into a gymnasium of a school..."