Motherly Love
"Marie, honey please wake up! Your mother knows what's best for you dear and you're going to be late!!"
How cliché
"C'mon, you're like this every morning! if you don't come down, we wont make you dinner!"
God, we're really back already huh?
Ill be honest, I've never really taken a liking towards school, probably the first time you've heard someone say that I know. I seem to always be surrounded by a very uncomfortable atmosphere, but I'm not exactly sure why. nobody really hates me, I have a friend circle and they help me feel welcomed, the work is fine, I don't think anybody really enjoys it. I guess it all just feels sort of, pointless? I get that an education is one of the most important keys to life, but since this has been going on for so long, I feel as if its all just going nowhere, who knows if ill really enjoy life after education, maybe work is just as pointless. Sometimes I feel as if my life is a little empty, everyday is just a repeat of the last. I want a definite goal, just, something that feels meaningful and fulfilling to achieve. not a job, not an award, not fame not fortune nothing like that. That sounds boring. I feel as if id like to achieve something extraordinary, something new. Or just something to help my life feel fulfilled. Its not horrible per say, It just feels somewhat meaningless and dull.
Enough of that though, class starts in about a minute or so and its not the best idea to be late on the first day of school, is it?
The first class of the year is seeming to be pretty uneventful. The teacher introduces us to our new seating plan, and I actually end up next to my friend, Lily. I say friend, but I only just really linger around my friend group, I'm not too talkative, however they all seem to like me so I'm still grateful for them. But that means I don't really feel to close to her. Maybe I should make an effort to, it'd help me feel happier, y'know.
Lily - "Hey Marie!"
Marie - "Oh uh, hey Lily"
Lily - "How you feeling, I'm glad we're sat together."
"...You okay?"
Marie - "Oh wait, yes I'm alright don't worry. I hope you are too"
(My mind was other places, it took a while for me to respond)
...
(I feel a kind of awkward stillness. I really should get to know my friends)
The lesson ensues, boring as it is, there is a little charm in being back here too. Sometimes it feels like you never really left. You're here so long, it feels like you live here, rather than your own home. That feeling concerns me, should students really feel like that? A few lessons pass, and nothing really notable happens, apart from one little thing. I notice this kid looking at me, im not exactly sure of his name but I do recognise him, staring a little too much for my liking, and I heard him say my name in conversation too. I don't really let that kind of stuff bother me though, things will be fine tomorrow.
Y'know, I really feel like there should be more to say about today but, I just cant think of anything. But I also cant dismiss the feeling that something felt slightly off today, maybe its just because it was the first day of school today. Or that kinda weird boy. But, I just, never mind. I'm almost done walking home now I don't really like to linger on school that much. As I walk back into my house, i notice my dad cooking.
Dad - "Hello Marie my darling. How was your first day back?"
Marie - "Uh, it was okay, i guess, still kind of sucks though. I know you used to dislike school a lot too dad, maybe it runs in the family?"
My dad proceeds to laugh obnoxiously loudly at probably the worst attempt at a joke I've ever made in my entire life. I really do love my dad though, he's been with me through a lot of things when I was younger and I've always felt quite close to him, which I'm quite grateful for because I know its not like that for some other kids. Same for my mom, she always shows concern for me and I really do appreciate that. I really do feel loved by them.
However, I notice that my usually lively mother is nowhere to be seen
Marie - "Hey is, mom okay? She's usually all over me when I arrive home."
Dad - "Oh she's just sat in the living room dear, she'll be fine don't worry"
Marie - "Whatever you say I guess"
Maybe something really is off today. No, its okay, it'll probably just be the same as any old day tomorrow. Or maybe I'm just in denial. Why does today seem so odd? I should probably stop overthinking. I head up to my room, and start reading some of my books.
Some may see it as nerdy or tedious but, I really like books. it helps me escape from some stresses of life for a bit, I can just indulge in something completely different instead of my own worries and boredom. I'm a fan of both fiction and nonfiction, but right now I'm enjoying a series about a group of kids restarting society on a deserted island. It sounds a little dumb but it can fill you with a surprising amount of inspiration.
~ Yeah, I remember when my mother used to ignore me all the time, but she was annoying! I'm so glad I'm away from her now ~
Huh? Why does he say this? H-How does it know, what?? I don't hate my mother, I would never she loves me so much. But she's ignoring me now. Does she love me really love me back too? No wait, this, this literally just happened tonight and its not like I made an effort to talk to her either. She doesn't even have to check up on me every time I come home anyway. Its fine I'm overthinking, tonight was a one-off and if she ignores me when i come home tomorrow, ill come talk to her. This doesn't mean anything. I know it doesn't. I'm overthinking. I'm overthinking. My dad comes upstairs and hands me my dinner. I'm just going to finish this and go to sleep though, I feel uneasy now.