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Don't Simp!

A bastard’s soul suddenly finds himself in the body of a simp inheriting the said simp’s psychological tendency of simpness. “What the fu~~” There should not be any problem as he is just an extra to the story anyway. If that is the case, then it is quite simple— he just has to live as an extra for the rest of his life with humility. “Hey, hey~! What do you mean that I should kiss a girl every 24 hours or else, I will die!?” However, it is not really just a simp-ple matter… anymore… In a world of a female-dominated reversed harem novel, the 'extra', Hans, has to find a way to survive in this miserable world of potent lenses of simpness. Under the lenses of a simp’s eyes, how can Hans survive in this new world? How does he survive against the currents of the world with a strange fate hovering over his head? ... Updates are every 7:00 am consistent with GMT +8 #No Smut

Alfir · สมัยใหม่
เรตติ้งไม่พอ
30 Chs

Plot Hole

Hans diligently feeds Mira his eggs. "Eat your food… I will busy myself with some stuff…" He strictly tells her to which Mira simply nods.

Checking up on his calendar, Hans realizes that today is February 17, 2023. It has been two days since the original Hans's death. Valentine's Day in this world is a very special holiday as this is also the day of the awakening of mages. In fact, the people of this world don't celebrate Valentine's Day in a 'day', but in a week.

While it might be inaccurate to just call it Valentine's Day as the celebration is in a week, it doesn't really matter as it appears that the 'lore' of this world might be inconsistent with what Hans knows.

"Today is Friday, so I still have Saturday and Sunday…" Hans arranges a plan in his mind. For today, he decides to organize his stuff. After filing his birth certificate, High School documents, and all of the other stuff, Hans then proceeds on cleaning his flat. "Maybe, there is some stuff the old Hans might have lost, it will be nice if I have them back…"

It doesn't disappoint to be extra careful as Hans finds his wallet. It has some bills, a credit card, and some receipts. "Oh, drat… Looks like Hans is doing part-time jobs." He refers to the old Hans with curiosity. To him, it looks like the Hans of this world is more diligent.

As he plays with the still unopened envelope saying 'You have been paid by Dara Ramen Shop. Good Job! Please come again, Part-Timer!' Hans starts thinking to himself whether he should continue the part-time job. "Hmmm… It is very suspicious though… What kind of part-time job gives envelopes like this?"

Moreover, it being a part-time job is just an assumption on his part. For Hans all know, it might be another 'trouble-some' thing waiting for him to explore.

After sending his awakened mage registration form via email, Hans takes a quick shower, and changes to casual clothes. "I will be back. You can use the internet and the laptop to kill time." Hans turns on the laptop and internet modem for Mira.

"O-okay, bye! Please come back home!" Mira waves her hands like a kid. Hans decides to ignore her and just be on his way. Because his neighbors seem to be male and are within Mira's 13 meters radius, it is safe to leave her to her own.

Hans hails a 'taxi' just outside his apartment. The apartment is quite near to the main highway so it is easy to hail a cab from here. The mechanical almost steampunk horse stops just before Hans. The coachman is a middle-aged man who has an amiable smile.

"Where to, young man?"

"Dara Ramen Shop."

Opening the artistic door of the carriage, Hans sits in the comfy chair. The inside is truly luxurious, and a feast to the eyes. The curves and carvings have a certain classy feel to them. This world is just utterly ridiculous. Hans's reasoning for making the 'taxis' high-tech magical steampunk horse carriage is because of women's likeness of something cute which peaks just how much of an ass as an author he is.

"Well, I can tell it is… cute…" Hans looks at his seatmate, a bear about his size. "For a teddy bear, this is quite exaggerated…"

"I am sorry, young man, but I am not a teddy bear…"

"…"

Hans takes a double-take at the bear, and while it might seem cute, Hans feels a sense of masculinity from it especially considering its deep manly voice.

"So, do you have any excuse?" The bear asks him with a dreadful intone.

"Sorry, I have none. If there are any penalties, I am willing to pay." Hans respectfully addresses the bear realizing that his absents in the past few days since Valentine's are the reason why the bear is angry. Coming to the assumption that the bear must be a fellow worker who purposefully comes to his address to give a reprimand, Hans respectfully bows to his co-worker.

Hans can tell despite the thick mascot uniform the bear is wearing that the bear is really angry.

And for some reason, this anger is directed at him.

"Too late," The bear out of nowhere draws an exaggerated butcher knife the length of an arm. "Die, you fucking thief!"

Seeing the knife, Hans finds himself freezing in fear. Is this it? Will this be his death? The fear is real, and for the first time, Hans confirms that he really might not be in a dream or even hallucinating. Before this, Hans is still entertaining the idea that all of this is not real.

It is too fast. Hans cannot even see the knife move, and all too suddenly, he no longer has his left arm,

"AaaAAaAgh!" A guttural cry mimicking the bellows of hell's victims. Hans fumbles backward with tears on his face. He tries to push open the door behind him, but it doesn't budge. It is magic at work.

"Where are you going, you fucking brat!" The bear playfully cleans the blood of his knife. "I will chomp you limb for a limb! Know that stealing from us is your greatest mistake! How dare you steal our only fucking love potion!"

Rage. Seething volatile hatred. Murder. Boiling crazed animosity. The bear takes very slow steps as it impresses the emotion of fear to Hans. The bear is enjoying every second of terror that Hans suffer.

"S-Stop! Stop!" Hans invokes the natural magic from his tongue, however, it is useless. The magical binding force that slithers on the bear breaks off quite easily.

The bear laughs in a crackling mad thunder finding amusement at the weak magic power trying to snare him. "Pathetic, too bad for you since you are merely a novice! But to awaken a magic that is related to the tongue. The attributes extending from this Geass are quite powerful. I feel great regret for killing you now."

"N-no, don't kill me!" Hans pathetically cries and begs the bear for its mercy.

"Farewell, you dirty thief." The bear raises its butcher knife.

Death.

The inevitable ending of all living things. The final destination of life. Since his transmigration, everything has been so eventful and thrilling that Hans doesn't have time to collect himself. Too sudden, and out of place. It is like bad luck is hunting him.

"I don't feel anything at all."

At that very moment, something inside Hans snaps.

Hans raises his arm in the trajectory of the knife. He can tell where it will land despite not seeing it move. Hans's magic furiously fluctuates around him. As the knife descends, Hans strains his eyes to see the once unseeable.

The butcher knife lands at Hans's palm cleanly shaving it from the middle. His right arm as if flaking the meat on the side reveals the bone from the inside. Hans didn't cry anymore as no tears leave his eyes. Pain cannot exist in someone who cannot feel.

"I don't feel it!" His tongue moves, and as if to enforce the 'assertion', Hans truly cannot feel the pain anymore.

It did little to buy him time, but one more second of life is definitely worth it.

"The protagonist will come! Yeah, that should be it! Do you know why? Because it will be pretty boring for the readers if she doesn't come! After all, to spice things up, it is necessary for there to be some action! Don't you agree?" Manic smile, mad bulging eyes, and slight laughter overflowing with mirth— Hans provokes the bear by flipping the bird to him with his barely functioning right arm that only has three fingers.

"You are delusional." The butcher knife descends once more, this time, not daring to miss. The bear feels reluctant fear of the madman who continues smiling at him even to this last moment.

And just like that, the bear's arm wielding the butcher knife is cut. It is too sudden the bear is in disbelief. The mascot's arm reveals the fleshy red indicating his mortal bind. Slowly, the carriage taxi too is cut separating Hans from the bear.

In the middle of the highway, she stands wielding a curved sword of resplendent blue. The Geass on her chest burns with an intense fiery glow tearing a slight hole from her dress, and as a result, exposing the shape of her own Geass— a red heart with thorns. Mira raises her sword, and with another swing, she cuts down the bear who remains to be in a stupor.

Hans immediately falls to sleep once he realizes that he is safe.

Waking up, and meeting the white ceiling above him, Hans is certain that he must be in the hospital. Looking around, he sees Mira casually sleeping in her arms.

Hans feels his own limbs, and while they are still hurting, they appear to be as good as new.

"Wake up," Hans shakes the sleeping Mira. "We need to talk."

The hospital of this world is just top-notch, and convenient. With magic, everything becomes possible. After discharging himself as quickly as his admission to the hospital, Hans heads to the nearest shelter while dragging Mira.

"Mira, you pay the bills… You are an Aurelius, so you should have the money. Make sure, they don't bother me anymore."

"But I have no money."

Hans continues to drag her unfeelingly. The shelter is not so far from the hospital.

"You lied to me. You don't have amnesia. You can wield strong magic so easily like that. It should not be the case. Moreover, I don't like you."

So blatantly rude, disregarding her emotions, Hans cruelly admonishes Mira.

There is something readers call plot holes, and as a writer, Hans is also aware of this. Miranda Aurelius in the novel is dumb and has amnesia, but as the story proceeds, it looks like that should not be the case. In some cases, she will even appear more knowledgeable than the professors of the Magic Academy, and while it might be justifiable to explain it as her genius, it doesn't make sense that her 'knowledge' can even surpass the 'known' history of the story like the succinct recollection of the Mirror Realm when she narrates her background story to her friends.

As this world has become real, there should be self-correcting elements that will integrate with reality. Turns out, sloppy writing can even imitate reality as long as the universe allows it. Hans self-depreciatingly laughs as he realizes he might be just another 'character' in this world.

"You are pretending to be an idiot, and even your selective amnesia might be a lie." Hans pointedly tells Mira of his discovery. "You should be incapable of using that kind of magic if you really don't remember your past. And while you might argue it is selective amnesia, I will not be able to believe that you will still be able to conjure that kind of magic. Memory is a very crucial aspect of magic casting, so Mira, stop with the lies… I can see through you…"

Hans lets go of Mira's hand. "Stay here. I will come back to get you."

Just before the shelter for the homeless, the two of them idly stand by in wait. Hans stands there as if waiting for something. Mira with a conflicted heart doesn't know how to look at Hans anymore.

Finally, the 'people' Hans is waiting for has arrived.

Wearing their blue uniforms, the Magic Police come to Hans. "Mr. Hans Neverine, we need to bring you in for questioning."