You left me.
Chapter 41
~Zafar~
I had three months left before my internship at the doctors without borders ended…I was expecting to return home and pretend as if nothing had happened before. But everything is so complex with Nura...
I wanted to give her space but looks like that’s not what she needed.
***
Every man for themselves. After 6months I completed the basic training which allowed me to join the special team where Mutaq was situated at. He was a killing machine, he had already been in the field before while I was still under basic training.
At times the sun was on kill mode, sometimes it rained….at times it was windy and cold…but through every weather condition, I had to push through.
He didn’t bring me a towel or a bottle of water, but rather added a few more punishments here and there I wanted to run his face through the mud pools they had around, which is cooling if you spent the entire day running away from it, till exhaustion pulls you in.
“ Are you fine?” he asks helping me up.
“ jee I’m okay, let go of me before everyone gets the wrong idea.”
“Let them think whatever they want to, I give them first aid as well.”
“ I really am okay, ” I say limping away. After taking a shower I rested outside with my wound in the open, I brought nothing to treat any injury whatsoever.
He rushed over to me, grabbing my knee. He sprayed some medicine onto it, massaged it then slide a guard on it.
“ I don’t want you to go under the knife again.”
“ Mutaq, you need to stop wasting your kindness on me.”
“clearly no matter how much I want to, a part of me will never be cold enough to watch you endure everlasting pain you're not a machine take care of yourself.”
“ thank you for always reading my mind without my permission, ” I say smiling, “ but really…save all this care, for your future woman. Don’t waste it on me.”
“I might have lost you in this life, but I'll make sure that in the next…and the one after that, that your mine.”
I did not want him to think that there’s hope for us just because we always end up spending the most difficult moments of my life together…but for some reason no matter how hard I tried to seem less attractive to him I just drew him in.
~Zafar~
I arrive back home, visiting my parents first. One less thing on the bucket list. Returning to an empty house, no note, no Nura, now I know why she refused to get a pet…we would’ve neglected it just as much as we neglect each other. How long would I be on my own this time? I unpack my clothing cleaning the house before taking a seat on the sofa running through a black journal I found on our coffee table. It had sketches of our adventure since we met during our last year in university, then again while we spent most of our settled time together…then page after page was off the baby, her excitement, and what she planned for all three of us.
I held it close to my chest…she was hurting and silly me failed to notice.
Still no calls, no messages…and the good lord alone knows why that Mutaq guy always ends up stranded with her, it's as if he plans it. I decided to apply for a job near the war zone that Nura would be situated…it feels like history repeating itself over and over again.
“ Coming!”I say rushing to the door as I slide my gown on
“ you, ” I say rolling my eyes, “ I spoke to you, now please leave.”
“wait, Zafar, ” she said holding onto the door, “ give me another chance…I promise I won’t cross the line again.”
“Apology accepted, but we can’t be friends.”
“wait, I came with good intentions this time,” she said taking out a pamphlet, “ I heard about Nura moving to the military facility near the current war zone…my doctors without boarders opportunity starts next year…and I have space for one my applicant.”
“Why are you being so nice Kadija, I thought you wanted me and Nura to separate…”
“ I give up, clearly in this life and the next…she'll be the only one in your heart. I’ll be a prude if I continue to come in between you two, doesn’t mean I like her though. I just want you to forgive me.”
I watch her walk towards her car making a leave, if there’s someone who understands one-sided love, it definitely would be me. It was a painful thing watching someone from afar, hoping that they’d notice you, my case is lucky.
Who knows maybe after all of this, we'll finally have a normal life.
“ it’s been a while since we've gone out,” Zubair says taking off his helmet.
“ it’s not easy trying to make someone fall in love with you while being married to them you know.”
“very relatable, think about me and Aminah..remember she married me loving another man. I’m sure things will turn around for you guys as well.”
“It's different, Nura never loved anyone, to begin with, and wasn’t planning on loving anyone plus you managed to make her fall for you in two years and you guys have your third kid on the way. Nura was first shock that I was her husband, then when we were supposed to get to know each other, we split for almost four years due to a misunderstanding, we lost our first child and that Mutaq guy…and above all of that, I can’t seem to understand why I always end up Messing up like a teenager who has zero experience.”
“ All the guys know relationships aren’t your strong point, but if you love this woman then why not? Why not endure all the suffering all the drama, why not…if you know in the end you’ll have her by your side, as your soulmate and life partner.”
“You're right, I’m not giving up easily…or making another mistake.”
“Did we come here to race or mope over your love life, a cold soda, and spicy food after?”
“You get, me.”
We rode through the dirt field then met with the guys who I haven’t seen in years. I think it’s the first time, in such a long time that I’ve given myself time.
I arrive home later that day, going through the documents Kadija handed over to me earlier. My skin crawled knowing that Mutaq was beside her...
But if I volunteered for as long as she was supposed to stay there, I would be leaving behind all the hard work and status I attained throughout the years, merely for her. With the rejection of my second thought, I filled in the application and went straight to bed.