When the ground can't be colder

Katy's POV

I sat on the terrace with a cup of warm milk and a heavy blanket over me. My eyes were dry.

I felt numb like every single sensory left my body and I was a mountain of stillness.

I was calm as still water after a raging storm.

I stared at the night stars and just like that, I remembered.

I remember being eighteen and wearing a little brown dress, feeling a little bit feverish because I decided it was a good idea to travel in the rain a day after the greatest tragedy of my life.

But I was determined.

I stood in front of his pack and I declared it.

I stared at him and I saw the boy I have always seen - blue eyed and perfect. And I said it.

(I, Kaitlyn Summer Reid accept you Lucious Nathaniel Reign to be my mate, hereby strengthening the bond the goddess created)

I watched him.

I watched him struggle right in front of everyone.

It was so difficult to watch.

It would have been easier if he had said 'I reject you' and put me out of my misery.

It would have been more humane.

Instead all I got was the man of my dream struggle visible in front of everyone before murmuring 'Whatever' and then he walked away.

I must have stood there a full thirty seconds before I realized that 'whatever' meant yes.

A full thirty seconds before I realized that it meant he was stuck with me and I with him…and it was the beginning of the rest of our lives.

Thirty more seconds before an omega took pity on me and offered to show me around my new pack.

Thirty more seconds before I realized that the fluid dripping down my face was actually tears not sweat.

A second more before I realized - this was it. This was my life.

I was forever trapped with a boy who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

"Are you alright?" It was Finley's voice and it brought me out of my head.

I looked at Finley and I exhaled loudly and then I smiled.

It seemed to be my go to mechanism.

"You don't have to do that, you know. You don't have to pretend with me"

"I am not pretending" I answered truthfully. "Whatever you think I'm feeling now, I have lived through worse. I have been through worse, Fin"

I smiled again and even though I tried to let it touch my eyes, I didn't quite achieve that feat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Finley asked.

"About who?" I asked and blinked.

My eyes glittering with tears I would neither acknowledge or shed for any reason whatsoever.

Finley looked at me like I was losing it. I wouldn't blame her, I probably am.

"About Lucious?"

"Lucious who? I don't know any man by that name. Whomever Katy was, she's not me. I'm Olivia…Livy Strong. And right now, I need to sleep, I have a full day tomorrow, relocating and all"

I stood up and grabbed my cup of tea, and started to walk away but Fin didn't let it go.

"You are not going to run away from your home, are you Olivia? You are not really going to leave everything behind and just…poof! Like smoke"

I paused.

If I could pack Finley into a suitcase and take her with me, I would. But her life is here…Cate city is home to her.

For me? Home is wherever the hell Lucious wasn't!

"Goodnight, Fin"

"Goodnight, Livy" I could hear the resignation in her voice.

It all but broke my heart.

I made my way into my bedroom, dropped the cup on the table. I entered the bathroom and I sat down.

I fought the urge to run. Just stand up, grab the bag in the wardrobe and take off but where to?

Bags are packed, bus money is in my bag but where the hell I am supposed to run to!

Tears rushed down my cheek and it made respiration difficult.

And so, in the absence of anything else to do.

I broke.

For the first time in Five years, Olivia Strong and Katy Reid became the same person.

I broke apart and into little tiny pieces.

I crumbled to the floor and curled up like a ball. The tightness in my throat worsened while my hands trembled.

I couldn't differentiate if the fluids all over my body were tears or sweat but I knew I couldn't get dry.

The chest pain surged through me leaving me even more breathless.

And when the door opened and Finley rushed inside, and she saw me there, a sobbing pile of mess...I begged.

Half certain she might not hear what I was going to say, I choked the words out

"Don't go.... don't leave me, Fin"

"I am not going anywhere. I am here, Livy. I am here"

I nuzzled in her arms.

"I think I am screwed. He'd gone and done it again. He b-blew me up again"

Finley held me tight but I knew I needed something more…I needed someone.

If there was any chance of staying in Cate city, to continue living the life I have built here with Finley, I needed to make this call.

If anyone can stand up to Lucious, it would be him - it would be Jack Rose

But I only had an old phone number of his, I wasn't exactly in a tight frame of mind the first and last time I met him.

All I had was the number he had me scribble down on a napkin.

So, after Finley went to bed, I dived into my wardrobe for his number and found it.

I picked up the phone and I made that phone call.

"Hello…"

My voice rang out at the other end. It made me grip the voice tighter but no word came from him.

"Jack. It's me, Olivia…I mean Katy. Katy Reid. I don't know if you remember me but five years ago, you gave me your number and you told me to call if I ever needed help. I need…I need help. I need you" I chuckled sadly and blinked back tears "You know what…forget it. I'm alright. I overreacted. You probably don't remember me. Forget I called"

I hung up and I threw the phone on the bed.

I went into my bathroom and I sat down in the tub.

The bathtub was by a window with a view of the city.

I sat down in it.

Strangely, I was comforted by the cold feel of the tub but it didn't stop me from pulling up my legs and burying my face in them as I sobbed even more.

And all I could think about was what happened five years ago.

How did Katy Reid become Olivia Strong?

Why is it that my hatred for Lucious burned so much?