Jill's Letter - Ninth Place

Dear San̶tan,

My name is Jill and today the teacher at my orphanage taught us about obesity. The teacher said that people can get very sick and even die if they become too fat. He said that your bones can break if you're too heavy and you might not even fit through the front door!

Everyone at our orphanage is very worried about you. We think you might have obesity so we wanted to write a letter to let you know. It will be very sad if you get sick or die because then there won't be anyone to deliver presents on Christmas anymore.

Being too heavy also makes it hard on the reindeer so you should definitely try exercising sometimes. Our roof is also kind of fragile so it might be best to come through the front door instead of running on rooftops and coming through the chimney. (It will be too cold to sleep at night if you accidentally make a hole.) If you can't fit through the front door, it's okay to leave our presents on the lawn.

Anyways, for my wish this year, I want a big plate of fried chicken enough for everyone at the orphanage to eat. I heard that fried chicken is amazing especially when it's crispy and juicy and we've never had it before.

Love,

Jill

P.S. A pretty big sister told me that dieting is also really important. So if there are too many cookies for you to eat when you deliver presents this year, we would be happy to help out and eat them for you.

...

Laughter reverberated through the hall as Satan doubled over while pounding the floor with his fist.

"Someone take this to Old Nick, I'm going out to have some fun hehe ~"

...

On Christmas night, five huge shipping containers were mysteriously placed in front of the orphanage along with a box of fried chicken that seemed to have been angrily tossed near the front door.