A Ninja's Honor

Honor.

What was more important than honor?

Nothing.

This is what Tozuka Yagariki was taught, and this is what he believed.

So why was it that his comrades were so lacking in this fundamental principle?

Tozuka walked through the streets of Akihabara, looking at all the chibi ninja merchandise and television screens playing scenes of animated ninja fighting. His face contorted in disgust.

Why weren't Russia's ninjas up there? Or Afghanistan's? Why were his predecessors so… so terrible that they would be discovered in their entirety? All their secrets laid bare. Even the samurai had at least managed to make their mark before disappearing into history.

He sighed. There was no helping it it seemed.

When he finally made it back to his dojo, he saw his disciples training the techniques he had devised himself. His secret arts would never… no, could never, be discovered, he thought. He had hand picked all of his students, and looking at them practicing now he nodded in satisfaction. They had all reached significant levels of mastery in his practices. He, Tozuka Yagariki would be the one to regain Japan's honor at last.

Just as he was envisioning all of the glory and pride later generations of ninja would have in him, the door behind him opened.

The sound triggered an immediate reaction from Tozuka, who knew that they weren't expecting any new visitors. Thus, in an instant, the previously empty doorway was filled.

In it stood a young man wearing cargo shorts, a t-shirt, and aviator sunglasses. With the backpack he also sported, he looked to be the most stereotypical tourist one could conceive.

Which may have been a normal scene, if it weren't for the senior ninja behind him holding a razor sharp kunai to his neck.

"Woah… authentic!" the tourist exclaimed, blissfully unaware of the danger he had found himself in.

"Who are you?" Tozuka asked with a steely tone.

"Yoro sheeku dude(1), I'm Jake from Cali."

All of the ninja in the room resisted the urge to kill this man on the spot for nothing other than his terrible Japanese pronunciation.

This, naturally, included Tozuka, who tensed his arm up in preparation to end this fellow's life. But a sudden realization halted the motion. Gritting his teeth and swallowing his pride, he spoke.

"Okay Jake from Cali, are you ready for the ninja experience?" he said, trying to keep the anguish out of his voice.

All of his students looked at Tozuka like he was insane.

I'm sorry, he thought.

"Hell yeah dude, let's go!" The oblivious Jake from Cali said.

If they killed him, they would risk serious discovery. But thanks to this tourist's misunderstanding, they could pass their training off as an elaborate show. Despite how much it hurt their pride, this was the safest solution.

With painful reluctance, Tozuka dashed to an empty area of the dojo with flair. His students didn't take long to catch on, and they resumed their battles. The only difference was that, this time, they weren't practicing for real, only putting on a show.

The ever-eager Jake from Cali tried to copy Tozuka's movements and dashed on to the tatami.

"Aho! Kutsu nuge!(2)" one of the disciples watching couldn't help but shout.

The tourist froze for a moment, wondering why he was being yelled at. Fortunately, Tozuka interjected.

"Here in Japan, we take off our shoes when we step on tatami mats," he said, his eyebrow twitching.

"Oh! I get you bro!" Jake said, kicking his shoes off towards the entrance lazily.

Tozuka's eyebrow twitched even more violently.

"Thank you…" he said. "Come this way."

He lead Jake from Cali to a nearby disciple who stood at attention.

"You'll begin by fighting Ichikawa. You may choose whatever weapon you like." Tozuka said, motioning Jake's attention to a nearby weapon rack that held wooden training weapons.

"Woah! Is that a katana?!" Jake shouted, completely ignoring the wooden weapons rack in favour of an ornate tachi that sat in a spot of honour above a detailed mantle.

"That… is a tachi," Tozuka said with a great amount of effort, trying not to puke blood at this fellow's ignorance.

"Is that like a type of katana?" Jake's eyes glowed with excitement.

"Forget about that! Just pick a weapon!" the exasperated Tozuka finally snapped.

"Sheesh dude, okay…"

Jake walked over and picked up a wakizashi.(3)

"I'll use this I guess," he said, waving it around haphazardly, nearly striking Tozuka, who managed to dodge with expert precision.

A few of the nearby disciples who were still putting on a show began to unsheath their actual weapons as they saw this foreigner nearly attack their master, but a quick motion from the latter forced them to suppress their rage.

Jake, still oblivious, stood across from Ichikawa, holding his wakizashi.

"Ichikawa kun(4), itadakimasu,"(5) he said, bowing awkwardly.

Tozuka's eyebrow was hiked up so high that it looked about ready to fall off.

"Hajime!"(6) he shouted, looking away with exasperation.

Ichikawa wasted no time, immediately dashing up to face Jake, who swung his blade wildly in front of him. Dodging easily, the elated Ichikawa unleashed his pent-up frustration from this foreigner's behaviour.

In a short moment, fifteen of Jake's pressure points had been struck, and the tourist found himself writhing in agony on the ground, the wakizashi lying on the ground nearby.

Given that Ichikawa, who had been training for years under Tozuka sensei, had not held back at all, the result was more than expected.

"FUCK dude! What the hell?!" Jake screamed.

"Arigatou gozaimashita,"(7) Ichikawa said as he bowed.

"Arigathanks your ass!" Jake shouted with tears in his eyes.

Feeling slightly bad for the injured foreigner, Tozuka lent him a hand in standing up, but Jake slapped his hand away, rising on his own.

Jake limped towards the exit and grabbed his shoes and bag, turning just before he exited the dojo.

"I'm leaving a bad review for this place on yelp!" he shouted, slamming the door behind him.

Footnotes:

(1): In Japan, when greeting people for the first time, one normally says よろしく(yoroshiku) which has no easy translation. Jake here is stupid, and says it horribly wrong.

(2): Idiot, take off your shoes (very rude way of saying this.)

(3): Wakizashi are short swords between a tanto and katana.

(4): Kun is an honorific used after boy's names or student's names, but it's grossly misplaced here.

(5): Itadakimasu is said before a meal. The word Jake from Cali was looking for was onegaishimasu.

(6): Hajime means begin.

(7): Thank you - said after a match.