Chapter 11

After getting over the initial shock of mom's pregnancy, I went about my day like I usually would - or as normally as possible anyway. I didn't have lots to do and it was a Sunday anyway so I just finished some homework and sat around a bit.

The next day at school was pretty normal as well, just really boring. I thought it was normal anyway, until Cheanne pulled me to the side at the end of the day, away from our friends.

"What?" I demanded. I then realised that came out a bit ruder than I intended. It felt like the past couple of days had dragged on forever and I was just so exhausted. I'd been accidentally snapping at people all day without meaning to. "Sorry, Chee, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Are you okay? You've been so off all day. And you keep being rude to people but I don't think you mean to."

I paused. Everything that had happened over the past three days flashed through my head: Ash and April, mom's baby, dad. It just seemed like I'd pushed it behind a wall and as soon as I said anything about it, the wall would come crashing down and everything would crush me. I couldn't explain why. There was also a dark grey mass that had settled in my chest, seeming to block everything out but wear me down. It wasn't sadness... it was nothing. There was nothing there.

"I'm fine."

"Hayden, you're obviously not. For one, you just took ages to answer which means you were thinking about something. What were you thinking about? I'm here if you want to talk about it."

She gave me a look. What was it? Sympathy maybe? Or pity.

"Yeah, well I obviously don't want to talk about it do I? Just leave me alone."

The look on her face changed to hurt and I realised I'd just done it again. Today's just my day, isn't it?

Before I could say anything rude again, I turned away, leaving her stood there looking slightly shocked and still slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to myself as I got into my car. I didn't mean any of it, I really didn't. I had no idea where this side of me was coming from but I hated it so much; I hated the fact that I kept hurting people.

Without thinking about where I was going, I put my foot on the pedal and drove out of the school gates. I drove and drove, turning a corner every now and again, not bothering with any street signs or directions. I drove until I got too tired. Then I stopped. I just sat there and cried. I sat pulled over at the side of a road in the middle of nowhere and I cried. I don't know why. I wasn't sad, there wasn't anything there so I don't know what made me cry.

When I finally pulled myself together again, the wall seemed stronger, like it wasn't about to collapse any second.

I was seriously considering just staying there all night. I didn't want to go home and there was nowhere else to go so why not? But somewhere in the back of my mind, I had a nagging feeling that I had to go home. Mom would worry. Plus it was too cold at night to stay in a car.

On my way home, I stopped by the café Ashton had taken me to and picked up a sandwich since I'd skipped lunch at school.

"Hey!" Someone called from behind me.

I spun around, only to come face to face with Ashton.

"Oh, hi," I said, noticing he was with April. I smiled at her to be polite but all I really wanted to do was get out of there as fast as possible. "Sorry, I have to be somewhere."

Ash frowned at me but I just ignored it, grabbing my sandwich and leaving.

When I got home, I went straight up to my room. I couldn't be bothered to talk to anyone yet so I locked myself in there and stared at the ceiling for about an hour before I somehow fell asleep.