ACKNOWLEDGING MY CHOICES

Homework did get done on the train despite having Pearl with me for half the train trip. I managed to use the computer and scroll through the club listings just before dinner.

It turned out that the official closing date was on Monday, but many clubs were still open and the tryouts and selection would last till end of next week.

Whoa, most of the tryouts were on weekends. Actually, most of the clubs were on weekends, including the Karate Club, which was out for me since I had pack training, Lycan Study Group, and stuff like that.

Actually, Wednesday and Thursday were bad for me too. Luckily there was a table displaying all the clubs, the teachers in charge, and their regular meeting time and days. I printed it out.

It turned out just by eliminating all the clubs that clashed with my pack schedule, I only had a few clubs to choose from.

Suddenly my job got really easy.

I guess my main tip for choosing a club was checking out their weekly schedule first.

This actually left me with as many choices as a simple multiple choice question;

Which club should I join?

A) Dance club (MON &FRI afternoons)

B) Archery club (TUE/FRI afternoons)

C) Adventure club (FRI afternoons)

D) Cooking club (TUE afternoons)

Although Art Club was on Fridays, for obvious reasons, that was out.

I was quite pleased with the shortlist and decided to use it to take a survey, just for fun.

"Which club should I join?" I asked my family over dinner, "I only have these to choose from."

I passed the single multiple choice question form around the table. Savy took a quick glance at it and passed it to Dad

"Why doesn't your school have a fight club?" She wanted to know.

"It's just Karate Club but its on Saturdays." I said. Seriously? Even you, Savy?

"I'm just taking a survey and getting opinions." I said.

"With many counsellors, a war is won." My dad told me.

Okay... "So... What do you think I should choose and why?" I asked in general.

"Archery sounds cool." Savy said.

Dad picked "Archery or the adventure club are both useful."

Mum pursed her lips, "Maybe archery." She decided at last.

Really, Archery was really my last choice.

"Nobody thinks I could learn to dance or cook?" I'm not sure if I should be offended.

"Waste of time." My dad said of dance club.

"You might burn down the school." Savy cackled.

"Mum? Why did you pick archery?" I asked, curious. That was unexpected.

"I'd prefer you learning to shoot arrows indoors than spend more time outdoors." So Mum's choices were only between the options Dad picked out?

"Survival skills are useful to practice often." Dad said.

"She already has enough pack training." Mum pleaded, "She's our daughter, dear." Mum stressed on the word "daughter".

Dad blinked, and then for the first time in my educational life, he asked me, "What would you like to do, Sam?"

And for the life of me, I didn't know what to answer.

If I just followed my heart, I would say cooking club. Alright, maybe following my stomach would be more accurate. Sometimes it's hard to separate the two. I think might heart lived in my stomach.

If I wanted to be one of the populars like my friends were planning, I guess the dancing club would be cool. Even though I didn't have the confidence of being any good at it. But it did look like an intensive club with performance and competitions throughout the year.

If I wanted something I'd probably be good at, then it'll be archery or adventure. My dad obviously wanted me to join the adventure club as much as my mum didn't.

If I wanted my whole family to agree, then I would choose archery. Plus it had different levels from beginner to master, and only higher levels would be expected to compete AND there was only one competition a year. Very practical for me to make all my home pack commitments too.

But if I'm choosing a club just for myself, what would I choose?

Mum sighed, "Sam, if you like the adventure club, go ahead."

Dad said, "It's just a club. Choose something you'd like."

Something I like? Something that isn't to be a better alpha or support the agendas of my home pack or my little pack in school?

Actually, I could also run for student council or try out for the public speaking position.

Say Wolfie, what do you want to do?

Of course Wolfie didn't answer me.

"I don't know." I finally admitted to my family, "Maybe I won't join anything at all. It's not compulsory till sophomore year to have a club."

"Oh honey," my mum seemed to be more upset than the situation called for it, "Highschool is supposed to be fun. I'm sorry pack training left you with so few options."

"It's the burden of the Alpha." Savy hugged her arm around my shoulder.

I thought about how Henry had pretty much lined up his high school plans just to secure our little pack a good position in a school where we were the foreign minority. By positioning us as populars, he protected us from becoming the oddballs. And because he took it on himself, I was left with the luxury of doing whatever I wanted.

I didn't think I was much of an Alpha at all right now. I'm not much of an Alpha if I'm just going to blunder through life instinctively without a game plan in sight.

I thought about how dad's daily work, his budgeting and meetings and emails and whatever boring office hours activities he dealt with each day so that our pack house got upgraded every decade, I got a loft bed, and we never had to not know what to expect the next day.

The truth was, I was the alpha, but I've never had to think for anyone other than myself. I had been just doing whatever I wanted all this while.

My dad cleared his throat, "Alpha Lorent is visiting us tomorrow afternoon, if you are still interested in joining us."

I nodded, "I'll be there."

And then I added, "I want to be there. Nobody has ever forced me to do anything I didn't want to."

~I am not the victim. I always have choices.

And at this realization, something like a power surge broke through inside of me.

I always had a choice, each choice had its own consequences. What would I choose?

I could choose to make that choice or let circumstance and others make it for me.

My choice to make, my responsibility to take, my consequence to live with, but it was because I chose it.

I felt the warmth of my wolf, a rumbling, and realized I was purring. My wolf liked the power running in my veins right now. It was so near the surface.

Savy cuddled close and leaned on my shoulder, "The kitty is purring." She cackled softly.

My mum looked surprised. My dad just said, "Soon Sam, your shift is so near."

"Your wolf is so strong." Savy hugged me tighter.

"Of course it is." I boasted petting her head. "We can't be all cute fluffy white clouds."

If my wolf was a cloud, it would be the most ominous one in the sky. The one that was so dark and heavy, so laced with lighting, so rumbly with thunder, so...

"You better get going for your training." Mum reminded me.

I grinned. I'm so going to storm into the training all today and take down the morning side goons

Then Savy called out to me as I grabbed my water bottle and headed out the back door, "I still think archery club! You'd look so cool!"

She had a point.