Chapter 4 – He Cleared Up Some of My Confusion

"AARRRHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

I was wincing in pain. Both hands gripping my head. I didn't even realize I was already rolling on the ground.

The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before. It felt like a jagged spike being driven through my skull—sharp and relentless—as if my thoughts themselves were being torn apart.

Each pulse of agony throbbed behind my eyes, sending shockwaves through my temples, making it impossible to focus on anything but the searing, unbearable pressure.

I was close to tears before the pain started to subside, little by little until it felt like it wasn't even there.

It lasted for only five seconds, but it felt like an hour.

"So, any other question?" the guide asked.

"That's all you have to say after what you just put me through?!" I snapped; my voice edged with fury.

"I already warned you. Don't worry too much, though. You'll only get that kind of reaction from me."

What's that supposed to mean?

"Huh? Oh, wow, it looks like the system has set a time limit on how long we can spend together. It probably got a bit annoyed with me for trying to share restricted information. You've got only ten minutes before you have to go."

Although he said that with the same poker face, I had the sense he was expecting this to happen.

Ten minutes?! I only have ten minutes here? Where am I even going?!

No, Jay. Calm down. Let's think this through. I need to ask him questions that will clarify things for me.

"Why was I chosen by the system?"

It seemed like the most logical thing to ask.

"Authority level too low, that's restricted information." He replied.

I frowned. "Are there other players?"

"Authority level low, that's restricted information." He repeated.

I clenched my teeth. "What plans does the system have for me?"

"That's restricted information."

"Who is behind all this?"

"Restricted information."

I could feel my patience slipping away. This is pointless.

"Is the system God?"

"Restricted information."

My frustration finally hit its peak. I was getting nowhere.

"I never asked for any of this," I muttered, my voice quieter now. All I wanted was to die in peace. After a life filled with constant survival and rejection, was that really too much to ask for?

"Are you God?" My voice was hollow.

"Restricted."

That word again. I can't take this anymore.

My fists clenched at my sides. "Fine then, how do I get out of this?!" The words came out sharper than intended, cutting through the silence. Frustration rose like a flood, threatening to spill over.

I'm done with all this. None of it makes sense. I don't want to get wrapped up in something that's beyond me.

All I wanted was to end it all in peace, to fade away without any of this madness following me. That's all I wanted.

"You're lying to yourself, kid."

His words hit like a slap. I blinked. "Huh?"

He looked at me, unflinching. "You keep saying you want to die in peace, but it's self-deceit. A person truly ready to leave this world wouldn't flinch at death."

I stood frozen, the weight of his words pressing down on me.

What is he talking about?

"You were terrified when that mysterious figure showed up before your execution. If you were really ready, you would have welcomed it."

Terrified? I felt something crack inside me.

"You've been hiding behind the excuse of wanting a peaceful death, but that's not what you really want." He paused, eyes sharp and unwavering. "What you want... is love."

I froze. "What?" The word barely escaped my lips, but it was all I could manage.

Love?

"You're tired, Jay. Tired of running. Ever since Sister Catherine died, you've had no one. No one to anchor you. No one to tell you it'll be okay."

Sister Catherine? My chest tightened.

"No one to love you."

His gaze locked onto mine. "You've been trying to fill that void ever since."

My hands curled into fists.

He doesn't know me. He has no idea what I've been through. 

"You've been running, burying your need for love under anger and pain. But if you go now, it won't be peaceful. You'll die with regret."

I tried to shake off his words, but they stuck, sinking deeper into the cracks of my defenses.

"You'll die alone, and nothing will change that emptiness inside."

No.

My chest felt tight like I couldn't breathe.

This isn't fair.

I wanted to yell at him, tell him he was wrong, but the words wouldn't come.

Why am I so frozen? 

He didn't stop. "If you want love, go find it. There are people out there with hearts open to giving. It's not impossible."

People? Sister Catherine's voice flashed through my mind, soothing and soft as she patched up my wounds: "Every wound can heal, Jay. Just like every heart can find its way back to light. It just needs the right hand to guide it."

His voice brought me back to the present. "You don't need a grand plan right now. Find a purpose. Work toward something. It's not about saving the world—it's about saving yourself. When you do that, love will find you."

My throat felt tight. I've been trying, haven't I? Trying to survive.

But that was just it—surviving, not living.

"This journey, this system—it's a way out. A chance to start over. Doesn't that beat the life of crime and running? You deserve more than that, Jay."

I wanted to reject his words. He doesn't know what I've been through. He doesn't understand the weight of my choices, the darkness I've faced.

But... something about what he said—about love and finding a purpose—hit deep, echoing in the hollow spaces I've tried to ignore.

Maybe... maybe he's right.

But that thought felt too vulnerable, too close to the truth I wasn't ready to face.

Still, deep down, I felt something stir.

No. Not maybe. He's right.

An uncomfortable truth began to surface, one I'd spent years burying under layers of anger, hate, and pain.

What if he's right? What if I've spent all this time running from my own need for connection, hiding behind this tough exterior?

The loneliness I've tried so hard to deny suddenly felt very real.

To be honest, I knew all along, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit it.

His words echoed in my mind: If you want love, go find it.

But how? How do I seek something I've lost?

The alternative was worse—cold, empty loneliness. No more running. No more hiding.

I looked at him, my anger fading, replaced by something heavier. Fear? Regret? Hope? I wasn't sure. But I couldn't keep lying to myself. 

"But... what am I supposed to do?" My voice trembled, weaker than I wanted it to be.

His voice was still as calm as before. "Start simple. Find something worth fighting for. Let that guide you. It'll be hard, but that's life."

I let his words settle in. Start simple. It wasn't much, but it was something. And right now, that was all I had.

I took a deep breath. "Okay then... what next?"

"Finally coming around, huh? Motivational speeches really don't suit me... but I meant everything I said."

He spoke to me the entire time with the usual poker face and calm voice. Yet, even though his tone remained steady throughout his speech, I could sense the intent he wanted me to feel—almost like he was trying to be transparent with me. It was a very odd feeling.

I also noticed he never blinked. Since I met him, he hadn't blinked once.

But now I believe him.

This person might say he's a guide or whatever, but he's definitely something more—something important. I can feel it. And I don't see any reason why someone like that would lie to me; he could probably kill me right now if he wanted to. Unless...

"Your intuition is good, but don't overthink things. I don't kill humans just as I please."

"I forgot he could read my mind again! Huh? Humans? Isn't he one too? Wait! He could actually kill me if he wanted to?!"

"But won't the system be mad at you for that?" I said with an awkward, shaky chuckle.

"It would probably get annoyed but that's just it. The system would immediately ■■■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■ you."

"AARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

The pain hit like a crack of lightning, splitting my skull in two. It felt as if a jagged blade was slowly being driven through the center of my brain, radiating in sharp, throbbing waves that pulsed behind my eyes.

Every breath, every movement seemed to amplify the agony, leaving me gasping and gripping my head as if that could hold the fractured pieces together.

Five seconds later.

"Oops."

"Don't 'Oops' me, you did that on purpose, didn't you?!" I shouted at him.

He simply shrugged.

"We only have four minutes left. Now listen to me carefully. I know you still don't understand what kind of situation you're in, but just know you may be risking your life throughout your entire journey."

Journey? Risking my life?! Couldn't you have started with that? You're telling me this right after I just resolved myself!!

"Don't worry; the system has permitted me to give you three things—think of it like a starter pack. You're not the type who's accustomed to that kind of lingo, though."

"Starter pack?"

"Yeah, just some basic things to help you get started and make your journey a lot easier. You should be grateful; the system doesn't usually do this."

"Umm…okay…thanks?"

I still didn't really know what a starter pack was, though.

"First up is this."

Suddenly, a glow appeared out of nowhere right in front of me. It started small and glowed brighter until a shape became clear.

I was a little frightened as it began to take form, but I regained my composure.

It was a pouch—a pouch floating in midair. It looked like the money pouch used in Demo City.

What just happened?! Was that magic?

As the pouch fully materialized, it dropped, and I reflexively caught it.

When it landed in my hands, it made the same sound as a bunch of coins clattering together.

Clink, clink, clink!

It was the first time I'd ever seen something mystical happen right in front of my eyes. Oh, wait! There was that crystal fragment incident, wasn't there?

But this was beyond just a shard floating above a stand. This was something materializing out of nowhere… And then there was the mysterious figure incident too, right?

At this point, I've probably seen it all.

Suddenly a question popped into my mind.

"Is the crystal fragment in Demo City a part of the orb that went into me or is that restricted information as well?"

"Oh, yeah. The crystal fragment is a part of the orb."