Denial

I hear little sobs coming out of Anya's throat.

She's standing in front of me, hands on her knees as if she'd just run a marathon.

I stare at her with wide eyes. I'm pretty sure my face turned all pale.

D-Did I hear it right?

Anya had just told me that... She was the one to blame for my father's death?

"No..." I whisper, "Of course not..."

I blink fast, trying to get out of my daze. I shake my head several times.

I hear Anya cry more.

"No..." now I say in a stronger tone. I open my hands in disbelief, "This is... Impossible. W-What could you even have to do with my father?!"

This could only be a very tasteless bad joke.

How could one of the nicest and kindest girls at school have anything to do with my father's death? And most of all, how can she be the one to blame for that?!

Nope. This is a mistake.

I try to reach her, but Anya steps back from me. Now, she just sobs softly and hugs herself. A breeze passes through us and waves her long hair.

"Anya..." I call her, my hand still in the air, "Anya, talk to me..."

Everything now seems in complete silence. I can't hear anything else around us.

Still hugging herself, looking at the ground, Anya begins:

"The reason I came to Eden Academy was because of you."

I lean back. What is she saying?!

"That was my mission..." Anya slowly looks at me with sadness, "To get close to you and make contact with your father..."

A sob echoes in her throat and she exclaims, as if she was in great pain:

"It was all for world peace!!! I swear I never meant to hurt you!!!"

Her eyes are bloodshot, much red. Her voice now is in despair:

"I was a lab rat, Damian! A RAT!" Anya speaks as if she spits out those words, "Tested and tortured for years!"

Tears come out of her eyes, and her lips form a crying pout:

"I just wanted a family... Someone who would love me... That's all..."

Anya runs her hands over her face, trying to wipe away her tears.

"Then, Loid Forger showed up and adopted me... And I found out that he was actually a spy from Westalis..." she looks at me bitterly, "He was doing the most important mission of his life; Avoid a war and ensure world peace... And for that, I would have to get into Eden Academy and become your friend, so we could get in contact with Donovan Desmond..." Anya pauses and presses her lips together, then continues, "T-That's why I call you "Sy-on boy"... Because you're the scion of your father, his second son..."

I open my mouth in perplexity. Anya sniffles loudly and looks up at the sky, swallowing saliva.

"My father took me out of that hell I lived in... He gave me a mother..." she stares at me again, with an expression of great anguish, "Even if it was for just a mission, even if we were a fake family, Loid saved my life..."

As if in a great lament, Anya declares, in a choked-up voice:

"And I didn't want to lose my family... Not when no one else wanted me..."

She takes a step toward me and I shiver. My heart beats hard in my ears. My chest rises and falls with my fast breathing.

"I had to do it, Damian..." Anya then looks at her own hands, "The lives of countless people depended on me… It was my responsibility!"

For a moment, I place my hand on my forehead. Everything seems to spin around me. When I manage to compose myself a little, I ask:

"B-But, Anya... I don't understand… What do my father and I have to do with… World peace?!" I half-close my eyes in a doubtful expression.

She joins her hands together in front of her mouth and looks down at her feet, as if afraid of something. Then, slowly, she answers me:

"Your father... He was... A bad man..."

A chill runs through my body.

Anya couldn't be serious...

My father was, indeed, a very absent person, who practically only cared about himself and what others could offer him. He was even a little weird.

But, a bad person?

No... She's wrong in that. It couldn't be true...

I get a fright when she stares at me again and exclaims:

"It is true!"

I shake my head, confused by that answer. Anya continues, throwing all those words at me:

"Your father was responsible for a political organization that wanted to start a war against Westalis. He was the head of an act that would take the lives of thousands of people!"

I feel my stomach churn and I cover my mouth.

No…

This is a lie...

Seeing my face, Anya's expression turns to bitterness.

"When I found out that your father was going to travel to Hugaria, I had to tell my dad. Your father was going to make an alliance with that country, to finally be able to start the war..." she continues, tears running down her red cheeks, "Much time had already passed since the beginning of the mission, we were even already grown up... We needed to act, or it would be too late…" Anya presses her eyes, as if she doesn't want to visualize what she's talking about, "And then, because of the information I gave, my dad's Intelligence Service also went to Hugaria. Unfortunately, they ended up getting into an armed conflict with your father and his subordinates…"

My entire body trembled at her words.

"It wasn't supposed to end like that..." Anya sobs, stroking her arms, as if consoling herself, "The initial plan was to have avoided the war with some sort of peace treaty... But, things got out of hand..." she then looks at me deeply, "Your father ended up dying during the shooting…" Anya looks back at the ground, "One way or another, the war did end up being avoided... And now, we live in peace."

Silence.

I can't feel my body. My fingertips are numb.

After a few seconds, I manage to ask:

"H-How did you know he would be in Hugaria?"

"I heard you talking to Ewen and Emile at lunchtime that your father was coming to pay you a last-minute visit. And then, when he got here, I secretly followed you both and... I found out where he was going to…"

I start to remember that day. I got so happy when I was told my father was coming to see me, but... He didn't even spend five minutes with me in the garden. He just got here, greeted me, told me he was going to travel, and left.

However, I do remember one detail.

He did not tell me he was going to Hugaria.

I notice Anya looking at me in a meaningful way after I think about that. She presses her lips together, takes a deep breath, and says:

"There's one more thing I didn't tell you..."

I feel butterflies in my stomach. There's more?!

"Oh, God!" Anya suddenly exclaims, running her hands over her face, "How do you say that to a person?!"

She remains silent for a few moments, then simply lets out:

"I... Can read minds, Damian."

I don't feel the air in my lungs.

W-What?!

I'm still having a hard time digesting everything she'd just told me about my father. But that… That could only be a joke.

"It's not a joke," says Anya. I widen my eyes and, as an instinct, I lean back a little on the bench.

She seems to notice my astonishment and acquires an expression of sadness, while her shoulders seem to relax. The impression I have is that she felt a huge weight off it. She's even panting and quite red.

I start to analyze what those words about her being able to read minds meant.

This is clearly nonsense.

However...

I feel my mind tickling, as if something awakened in me: memories.

Then, like scenes in a movie, moments come to my mind when Anya really gave me the impression that she could, indeed, know what I'm thinking.

Many situations.

I confess that deep down, I thought this was all some sort of feminine instinct, which many people say women have.

But now... Moments pop into my mind when I thought of something and Anya would make some kind of comment very much related to the topic that was in my head.

Like for example, when I was a child, I would call her names in my mind and she would just stare at me with a certain bewilderment, as if she knew I was thinking badly of her.

Or also, when we would take some test and the teacher would not consider one or two of our answered questions, because they were written with the exact same words.

And especially, when I thought about my feelings for her, Anya would look at me with blushed cheeks.

I feel like I'm having an epiphany.

I hear her speak again:

"You must've already seen in the newspaper these clandestine laboratories that were found by the police," a tear runs down Anya's face, "I came from one of these places... And that's where I developed my... "Power"..."

She takes a deep breath, looking tired.

"So when I was following you and your father that day… I read his mind… That's why I know where he was going to."

Anya stays in silence, looking at the ground. Another breeze passes through us, and it's pretty cold. I get chills.

My head is in a whirlwind.

Chaos reigns inside me.

Then, something rises within my heart.

Anger. A lot of anger.

Slowly, I stand up and glare at her deeply. My voice is low and steady.

"So you came to Eden Academy only to use me? That's it?"

Anya widens her eyes and seems to shudder.

"N-No, Damian..." she shakes her head, "Actually, yes. I-I mean, not exactly--"

"I was just another piece of a political game, then?!" I retort, my teeth clenched, "A mere puppet, for you to use as you wished?!"

"Please, Damian..." Anya approaches and I take a step back, startling her, "Try to understand! We needed to get to your father! For the sake of world peace!"

"World peace?!" I disdain, wrinkling my nose, "Oh, tell me another one, Anya! It sounds like stories from comic books!" I feel so indignant, that the words run over each other, "W-Who do you think you are?! Reading my mind and invading my privacy like that?! How could you do this to my family?!" I hit my chest.

I can't believe I'm trying to defend my father.

Everything she told me seems to be so absurd, that it's hard to believe it's even a lie...

"And it's not a lie, Damian!" exclaims Anya, opening her arms. "For God's sake! You just proposed to me! Do you really think I'd be that stupid to play with you now?!"

I glare at her with some fury.

"I don't know!" I answer, turning on my own axis, trying to organize my thoughts. "Because apparently, you've been playing with me since the moment you met me! Or rather, even before coming to this school!"

I feel my eyes burn. My body tingles.

So, since from the beginning, did she know how I felt about her?

Did she know I loved her?

"Yes... I knew..." Anya looks at me with an anguished expression, at the same time she looks embarrassed, "It took me a while to realize, but… I always knew…"

"STOP DOING THAT!" I rant, shaking all over. Anya startles and cringes, making my heart ache to see that she's scared of me.

I wanna cry.

I'm dizzy...

I need to get out of here.

I turn around and start walking quickly towards the dorms.

"Damian!" I hear Anya call me in despair, "Wait! Pleas--" she can't finish the sentence and I hear her cry reaching my ears, causing the lump in my throat to grow even bigger.

I'm getting distance, trying to assimilate everything I've just heard...

This is not happening.

I'm not able to reason properly. I can't discern what is true or false at this moment.

Anya… How could you do this to me?

Trick me, use me?

I gave my heart to you!

And now you're telling me you're the one to blame for my father's death?!

I gave my heart...

Only for you watch me tearing myself to pieces!

Do you know what it means to love you?!

I have no idea how I'm managing to walk towards my bedroom. My footsteps in the dark, empty corridors sound like bombs to my ears.

When I get to my bedroom, I slam the door shut, its sound echoing outside.

I start pacing around the room, my hands grabbing my hair.

I feel anger rising in my chest.

Then, something catches my eye: the photograph of our first day of school.

It was already framed again.

I go to the object and pick it up roughly.

And, for the first time in my life, it's not my child self that I glare at.

It's Anya Forger.

The comical face that always warmed my heart when I thought about my father's absence, was now the reason for my anger.

And once again, in a fit of fury, I throw the portrait against the wall of my bedroom. But this time, I don't need to worry about waking someone up.

Just like last week, I wanna scream. Scream at the top of my lungs.

"I HATE YOU!!!" was what I had in mind.

And finally, those words come out of my mouth:

"I. HATE. YOU!!!"

I scream, repeating that sentence over and over again.

I scream to Anya, I scream to my father, I scream to myself.

I lie on my bed, my hands holding my head.

I cry.

I cry everything I haven't in my whole life.

I cry until my throat goes dry and my head almost explodes in pain.

I barely realize when I fall asleep.

♦♦♦

About three days pass. In fact, I don't even know if that's the right number...

Since I left Anya in the garden and locked myself in my bedroom, I haven't come out.

I ordered the meals to be brought here, after all, I can.

My eyes are puffy, my hair is messy and my heart is broken.

I'm lying in bed and a fog fills my mind.

I look at the still shattered portrait on the floor.

I look at the clock on the bedside table and it's almost 1:30 pm.

I hear someone knocking on the door.

I grumble. They had already brought me lunch an hour ago. Who's trying to bother me now?

Not minding being quick, I get up from bed and walk towards the door.

I hear it knocking once more.

"I'm coming!" I answer harshly.

When I open the door, a chill runs all over my body, because the last person I could ever imagine meeting in the world is standing in front of me.

Loid Forger.