Dawn [short story]

Walking into the unfamiliar building, I wonder what I am doing here. 'I shouldn't be here,' I think to myself, but quickly, I set aside that thought. Against my gut feeling, I decided to come here. I drove an hour from home to come to this place, I wasn't turning back nowMy husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now, it was getting tiring. It was stressful on both of us, mainly me. I had dreamed of becoming pregnant for so long, I no longer remembered the days of not trying. I felt alone, my husband didn't seem as upset as I was, though he provided his shoulder for me to cry on every month when I saw the negative test. That was the only time I cried, and it was guaranteed to bring tears to my eyesMy friends weren't going through the same troubles, so I didn't feel I could talk to them. I ended up finding a support group online to help me during "the wait." I had wanted to go to a fertility clinic to see if there was anything wrong; I was only 28, it shouldn't be hard for me to conceive, but my husband told me to give it a few more months and let nature do its thing. He was worried about us having to take medication in order to create something that was supposed to be natural. I guess I agreed, to some extent.Hi, you must be Sarah." he says, reaching out his hand to shake mine.Yes, hi, you must be Jim." I reply with a smile. He was cute. Dark hair and eyes like me. He wore dark jeans and a suit jacket with a light blue collared polo shirt underneath. Something my husband would wear.

"Can I get you a coffee or tea?" he asks, pointing to the counter behind him. The menu was overwhelming, I never understood the fancy coffee names and how to order it.

"Um, sure. I'm still not quite awake, do they have just plain old coffee here?" I asked shyly. My small town girl was showing. We didn't have coffee houses back home, just the variety store on the corner that sold what they labelled to be coffee.

"Of course. Let me order for you." he said, suppressing a laugh.

It was a wonderful morning outside, the weather was warmer than usual for a December day, still a chill in the air, just not the minus 20°C kind of chill. There had been no snow yet this year, which was odd, but I wasn't going to complain. We sat by a window, enjoying our coffee and admiring the beautiful day. People were out walking their dogs and playing with their children in the park across the street. Children. As usual, as soon as I noticed a child I would get drawn back to my reality, the one where I don't have any. They looked so happy, swinging on the big blue swing set, sliding down the curvy slide, laughing and jumping and running. Children are so care free. I would love to bSo, what made you agree to see me?" he asked. Right to it. I guess that is why I am here, to get to it, but I was enjoying my thoughts for the moment. I had to think of my response, I wasn't sure how to put it.

"Well," I started, "I guess I just want a child so bad. It is my dream to be a mother, and I am heartbroken every day when I wake up and realize my dream is not yet a reality. I cry every day. I have a deep longing inside me, which cannot be simply explained. You can only understand it if you have been in my situation." I answered. His eyes looked thoughtful, like he was truly feeling what I was feeling. "Why did you ask me here?" I asked quietly, suddenly aware we were in a busy coffee house.

"I watched my wife die inside for 16 months while we tried and tried, only to be let down each month. I was not the one who was going to carry the child, but I wanted our child just as badly. I may be a man, but I do understand to some degree what you are feeling. I guess that is why I am here. I want to help. We went through the fertility treatments and eventually were successful, as you know, but that didn't make it any less stressful. It was more stress dealing with the doctors." He looked at me for a reaction, but I wasn't quite sure how to react or what to say next. I knew why he was here. We had talked about it for the last month. This meeting had been booked for over a week.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"Your husband can't have children, Sarah." he said, regret in his eyes. Pain even.

"What? How could you possibly know that? I don't even know that." I answered. That was not at all what I was expecting today. I thought we were meeting to talk about the process of everything. How Jim and his wife went from Point A to Point B. How I could have a baby, just like they did.guy saying? Was he going to give me his baby? Kidnap one? What was going on? I needed out of here. Away from this guy that I didn't even know, who seemed to know a lot about me.

"Listen for one minute." he pleaded.

I looked at my watch. "One minute" I replied.

He walked closer, so none of the people walking past us could overhear. "I will give you a baby. The conventional way. On one condition: you don't tell anyone. Not your sister, if you have one, not your best friend, not your dog, no one. Especially not Alex." he was staring into my eyes, looking beneath them for any hint of emotion past the tears that had not stopped.

"You're crazy" I answered and turned away. Just some perv trying to get laid, I thought.

He followed me, walking a step behind me and talked low, again, so no one would hear. "You want a baby. I can give you a baby. You will act happy like all of the trying finally paid off. Your husband, not wanting to admit he tricked you will wonder how, but assume something went wrong with the vasectomy and he actually did get you pregnant. Think about it, we all of dark hair and dark eyes, it won't be noticeable." he finished. I heard his footsteps stop. I turned to see if he had anything else to say. "My minute is up. Think about it. Email me if you want to meet again." he turned and left, leaving me standing there alone. Alone. I felt so alone right now.

As a stood there, it started to snow. Big fluffy flakes fell from the sky and stuck to the ground, my coat, even my eye lashes. I stood there and just took it in. The way the flakes fell was beautiful. They were not uniform, they did not follow a path, or a road, they simply fell wherever the light breeze carried them. I slowly walked to my car and headed for home.

It has been three years since I met Jim in that coffee house. That day in December was the day that changed my entire life. Of course I did not take Jim up on his offer, I could not live a lie as my now ex-husband had been living. I went home and confronted Alex. He was angry that I knew, but I never told him how I found out, afraid of the repercussions Jim would endure. I simply packed my bags and moved on with my life. It was hard, I had loved Alex. I was grateful to Jim for telling me the truth and I later found out his wife was in on it as well and okay with him offering his "services." We didn't keep in touch. Three years later I am single and happy. I still long for a child, but I am fine with waiting until the right man comes along, although, being over 30, I do realize the time is ticking.

(End of the story ).