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Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · หนังสือและวรรณกรรม
เรตติ้งไม่พอ
94 Chs

Was it not a one-off deal then?

"Stop measuring!" His teeth ground together, one hand tightly clutching the wine jug, he commanded, "Use these two knives and tend to my wounds immediately! If you dawdle, I'll end you on the spot!"

He revealed the shining revolver tied around his waist.

"But…"

"No buts! Proceed to the next step immediately!" He slapped the table, his expression fierce.

"Very well."

Lynne, reluctantly, adjusted his monocle. Then, under the watchful gaze of the demon hunter, Lynne, with bold steps, lifted the curtain and walked to the backyard, and just as the demon hunter was wondering what trick he would pull this time, Lynne emerged, carrying a furnace.

Hiss—

He stirred the coals inside with a knife, then plunged various tools from the counter into it.

[Demon Hunter's Sanity -1]

"What are you doing?" The demon hunter's eyes twitched involuntarily.

Lynne calmly picked up a red-hot knife, "Sterilizing. The Black Butterfly is an extremely aggressive, corrosive poison. To prevent the venom from accidentally seeping into your other tissues during the cleaning process… The best method is to use high temperatures to kill it. It might hurt a bit, but it's exceptionally effective."

Cling—

Lynne tapped the red-hot surgical knife, sparks flying. The demon hunter suddenly felt a dry throat, and for no apparent reason, shivered.

Although it seemed there was nothing wrong with what he said. He, himself, often cauterized his wounds with high heat to prevent infection when he was injured… But… Why did he feel Lynne was not so reliable?

"Have you ever done this before?" He hesitated.

Lynne seriously replied, "I haven't personally, but I spent two years with my master, and I've seen him do it!"

The demon hunter sighed in relief.

Lynne: "Especially when slaughtering pigs and plucking hairs, with a sweep of the red-hot knife, they all come off neatly."

Demon Hunter: "?!!!"

A few minutes later, Lynne pulled the two red-hot knives from the furnace and calmly walked behind the demon hunter, firmly stating: "I'm going to start! It might hurt a bit, so bear with it."

The demon hunter clenched his fists tightly, eyes closed, grinding his teeth, "I can certainly bear it, but I just want to ask, what the hell are all these plates on the counter for? Cooking?!"

He roared, pointing to the plates on the counter before him, and the dining cloth Lynne had tied around his neck. Those in the know would think he was here for surgery; those not in the know would think he was here to dine!

Lynne seriously replied: "You're overthinking it, sir. These plates are to hold the necrotic flesh that will be cut away shortly because we must administer the appropriate regenerative potion based on the amount of flesh removed. Otherwise, if the dosage is not calculated correctly, it could lead to unnecessary tissue growth on your shoulder. This is for your own good."

The demon hunter gritted his teeth.

"Start cutting!!"

If it wasn't for the fact that this was the only potion shop within hundreds of kilometers, he swore he would never set foot in this damned place. Because it always felt like a trap!

"Alright! I'm going to begin!"

Lynne's expression was serious.

In an instant.

Thud—Thud—

The sound of knives entering flesh resounded, followed by the continuous sounds of cutting and sizzling.

Aow—

Demon Hunter (ヾノ꒪ཫ꒪)—

It hurt! It hurt like a motherf(beeeep)! And it wasn't just the pain of being cut, but also the pain of being burned, even mixed with a hint of aching. Damn it! It also had layered pain like minced meat!

[Knife Skill Experience +1]

[Knife Skill Experience +1]

[Knife Skill Experience +1]

"If it hurts, it's not too late to administer an anesthetic!" Lynne advised seriously.

At the same time, he wondered why he was gaining experience in knife skills instead of surgical skills.

"Get lost!" The demon hunter roared, "Where do you see that I am in pain? I am not hurting at all, okay?!"

The demon hunter shivered, hugging the counter, his face pale and trembling.

Lynne adjusted his single-lens glasses, and with the other hand holding the knife, he was debriding briskly and coughed, "Could you please loosen your grip on my counter, and move the nails embedded in the edge of the table? It's made of fine antique wood and is very expensive."

The demon hunter roared, "I'll pay you double! What's the big deal!? You won't even let me grab something?! Cut! Cut harder! If you dawdle, I'll chop off your hands!"

Lynne, seriously holding the knives, said: "I've been waiting for you to say that, then I'll really start cutting!"

The demon hunter shivered.

"Hold on!"

Swish swish swish swish—

Demon Hunter (ヾノ꒪ཫ꒪)—

"God! God! My God!"

He immediately saw, one after another, pieces of blackened, meat-scented necrotic flesh, neatly flying onto the plate. And based on these fluent knife skills, whether it was peeling or cutting meat, it was indeed impeccable, anyone who saw it would involuntarily give a thumbs up.

But...

"Are you performing surgery on me, or are you quartering me!!"

The demon hunter, banging on the table, roared, his eyes rolling back, and his body sweating like rain.

"You're really wasting your talent not being an executioner! Even the thickness is uniform! Stop! Stop it right now!"

Seeing this, Lynne also became anxious. He slammed the table, furiously saying, "Why are you so talkative! You're unhappy when I cut slow, unhappy when I cut fast, and you don't want anesthesia, what do you want!"

The demon hunter held the counter tightly and roared, "Can't you just gouge it out at once? Why do you have to slice it piece by piece, are you afraid I'll leave too hastily?"

Lynne retorted, "If it's done in one go, wouldn't it become a one-cut deal?!"

"..."

"..."

The demon hunter was stupefied, "What are you saying?"

Lynne glared, "What I'm saying is that things need to be done meticulously. Cutting it off with one stroke might be fast, but if it hits a major artery, I assure you, you'll leave even more hastily! I am a doctor, a white-cloaked angel, you have to trust me. I treat my patients like my own children, I would never allow my children to pass away without receiving treatment!"

The demon hunter, trembling, lips parted, finally couldn't help but roar: "Cut! Just cut! I'll never come to this damned shop again!"

"Don't worry, after I perform the surgery, you will definitely fall in love with my knife!"

Swish swish swish swish—

Swish swish swish swish—

[Knife Skill Experience +1]

[Knife Skill Experience +1]

...

Ten minutes later.

The demon hunter, like a dead pig, was hugging the counter and lying there, his mouth continuously bubbling with foam, eyes rolled back so much that almost no iris was visible, his body twitching, obviously, he had fainted.

Bubble Bubble—

He felt as if he had had a dream. There was a demon behind him holding two sharp knives, with a ferocious smile, slicing him into pieces. Even placing his flesh in front of him, letting him appraise.

"Alright! The preliminary debridement is complete."

Lynne picked up the liquor he had placed on the table, mixed it with some medical alcohol, and gargled it in his mouth.

Then, with a 'puff', he sprayed it onto the wound on his shoulder.

"Ow——"