I no longer can continue this

I didn't mind the cold marble floor as I sat on my butt disregarding how unhygienic it was to lay around in the hallway because neither I wanted to stay home alone nor I wanted to go out to be surrounded by the strangers.

After the fight with Jimin, I arranged to wait for his return in front of my door where I could get a clear view of the elevator.

I thought of going to Charlotte's flat but decided it wasn't best idea to bother her around late hours and since I was practically blaming Jungkook to be the root cause for my estranged bond with Jimin, I had cut him out of the options to call.

I stayed with my arms wrapped around my knees accompanied by salt and Jesus Christ's cross plus some snack as if I was having my picnics in the hallway of universitie's dormitory.

Fortunately this floor didn't have many residences or else they would report me as a mental patient on loose.

The elevator rumbled opened and a very drunk Park Jimin stumbled out in the arms of the same girl I ran him into a few days ago.

They were giggling with their bodies pressed against each other and sight felt like a sore to my eyes.

As if my heart had been dipped into an acid it began to burn tremendously and without even realizing my legs stomped their way and I harshly pulled them apart.

"What the hell?" She squealed and I had the biggest urge to scream at her saying fuck off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jimin snapped at me making me flinch backward.

Seeing my shocked yet hurt expression Jimin took a deep breath in and appologised to the girl then asked her to wait in his car, downstairs and that he would be back soon.

The girl nodded her head and walked out while I stood glaring at him.

I felt like being punched in my guts, as if I was pushed down the cliff by the person I trusted the most.

I wanted to grab his hair and pull it until they would tear apart however I successfully kept my dark desires to myself.

"NO! What is wrong with you?" I yelled back and push him on his chest which made him stagger backward.

"Why are you hurting me?" I pushed him again but this time he caught both of my hands preventing me from doing it again.

"You know everything about me, you know everything that I had to go through so why?" I fisted his shirt and rested my forehead on his shoulder wailing my heart out.

His behaviors was confusing me. The hostility he was projecting toward ne was like a hole being drilled into my heart.

Without caring for his Jacket which was getting stained by my tears, Jimin remained rooted in his spot speechless. He didn't bother creating any distance between us but despite of our proximity, I felt like he was no more reachable to me.

"I am tired of waiting" he finally voiced out the emotions, he had bottled up until now.

"I am tired of trying when I know it wont work. No amount of effort is gonna make you love me back the way I love you" He whispered forcefully hauling me away from his body.

"No Jimin I love you" stubbornly I held into his arms and tried to pull him closer while he was fighting to part away from me but I was determined to gain him back.

"I love you Jimin, I love You" Confessing my feelings I forced my lips on him but he averted his head to reject my touch.

His actions shot harder than a bullet and in a split second my determination melted away as my hand dropped to my sides.

"You don't love me, you are just afraid to be alone"

Jimin took a step back putting some space between us that could amount to a vast ocean.

"You simply want me because you think you have no choice so the day you realize you actually have the liberty to choose, I will be the first person you will cast away because in your life I have always been the second option" I shook my head on his statement signaling no.

I was sorry that he felt like that but he was and is still the most precious person to me however I failed to convey my feelings through my voice.

"I no longer can continue this" he revealed and then retracted his steps back to the lift and just like that he walked out of my life as if I never had any importance to him.

Maybe he was right because at that moment I was feeling like I was left standing alone in the sea with no boat, no lifejacket or any survival skills. Once again I was all alone in my life and that loneliness was more daunting than the monster trying to prey on me.