Letters, and love with a package

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It has been days since my last conversion and being with my grandmother, well, let's just say I will be doing this every week.

So, I hope you don't get mad.

I have been subjected to the thoughts of sitting on anything other than a seat.

My thoughts have been clouded by the image of a man's head in between my thighs.

I have no longer the restraints to keep away, not when his words are like music to my ears,

not when the thought of him sets my pants on fire and makes them drip bodily juices.

should I even think of saving myself or ridding myself of him, when he is all I want to know and all I need?

he is my salvation.

I'm not perfect but in my imperfections, he sees me and makes me a woman, his woman.

"Rak'El, welcome back home," our aged neighbour called out to me when he saw me wheel my box into the driveway as I got down from the Uber that dropped me. the drive to my grandmother's place was filled with a lot of feelings of dread.

After saying goodbye to the girl, I wiped my tears and began to dread seeing my grandmother's face after a long while. I couldn't even tell if missed her or if I just wanted to get out of her hair as soon as possible.

dropping off from the train that took me from the school, I had an Uber waiting, courtesy of my grandmother, since she wouldn't want me going out and following a stranger to his house. I do not understand her way of thinking.

I greeted our neighbour back, "Thank you, Pravesh. I hope you have been well. any troubles?"

Pravesh was an aged neighbour of ours who showed me the love my grandmother never did. He would bake me cookies and make his popular Indian sweets. it was always fun visiting him, until my grandmother happened, again. She threw a fit about me visiting an old man in his house and said things about how I wanted to spread my eyes for him despite my young age. She even went as far as telling me I would get pregnant and she would raise that child without a father. I was just twelve years old with no idea of how sex works.

"I missed you, El. and yes, I have been good, just these old bones of mine cracking. nothing a good bowl of sweets wnt fix." He said and I laughed out loud. As usual, he was still humorous.

I knew our conversation had been listened to by my grandmother. She was probably waiting by the door with her ears to the wall and because we both knew the kind of woman she was, we said our goodbyes with a promise to talk later.

I got to the front door and kicked gently, when the door opened it was my grandmother with a scornful look on her face.

Here we go again, I thought to myself.

Good day, granny. " I greeted like the good girl she brought me up to be," How have you been?" I asked and was about to ask more when she cut me off.

"so, you've become more brazen with how many months you spent in school?" she asked but it wasn't a question, just a statement that would begin my verbal torture for the day.

"you came back from your school and all you could do was first have an open discussion with a man, you didn't think of first greeting your grandmother to know her wellbeing?" she continued to ask questions she didn't want an answer to.

I stood by the door with my luggage still in my hands and watched her as she kept going on and on and all I could do was cry silently.

When she was done, she sent me up into my room to drop off my luggage, freshen up and come back down to get dinner ready.

I knew these two weeks would be the worst of all the other days I had lived with my grandma.

After dinner, we didn't speak, she just waddled her old body into the living room and sat there to watch a TV show and I went to my room to cry some more into the pillow.

I didn't know when I fell asleep but when I woke up it was morning and I ran out of my room immediately for morning prayers. It wasn't long after I had settled down on the sofa when she came in. We had prayers and I greeted her, "Good morning granny, " I said and watched for her response.

What I got was her bursting into tears.

"Oh, El, " she started to say while sniffing, "you must hate me. I didn't mean all I said yesterday, at all. I was just - I am just trying to protect you. I hope you understand," she said to me amidst tears.

I was shocked and I even felt pity for her. She was getting old, so, she would of course hate for me to go astray. I embraced her and then tried to calm her down.

She divided to welcome me well, as she should have and even gave me some old granny kisses on my face. I was livid, this had never happened before and whatever was going on, I wanted it to continue.

"Oh, El, I need you to go to the post office after breakfast. I have some letters I would like to mail," she said to me while walking to her room.

The idea of having a mailbox outside of our home seems perverse to my grandmother, she would rather have me walk down to the post office and mail or get her letters. She claimed she didn't want people to know where she lived and even though that idea annoyed me, I thanked my stars since it allowed me to blame the workers there on my delay.

After breakfast, she gave me a couple of letters with postcards on them and sent me my way. Fortunately, I already had letters of my own to mail.

I hurriedly went my way to the post office and when I got there, I got her mail and mine sent only to be told I had a package.

It was a surprise for me and I only had to deal with how to get it in, so I decided to open it on the way.

I saw a wrapped case and a letter;

Dear El, it started to say and I knew who sent it. It was Zayne, with a brand new phone.

I was done for.