Sick and Hopeless

[Mandy's Diary At Senior Grade]

I didn't know how many hours Candice stroked my back, trying to calm me who was crying profusely in the room, face down, buried my face in the pillow, muffling the sound of my sobs.

"Come on, Mandy, don't cry." Candice sighed softly, patting my shoulder. "Justin is a dick. He doesn't deserve you!"

My shoulders heaved up and down holding my shaken body. I looked up, looking at Candice with tears in my eyes. My puffy eyes were red. "Then, who do you think is worthy of me?"

Candice bit her lower lip hard. "George?"

George, she said?! I cried louder and louder. Pounding my pillow and buried my face in it while Candice rubbed my back.

"What's wrong? Was what I said wrong?"

"Of course!" I shouted, hitting my pillow again, louder now that the demons and angels above my shoulders jumped in surprise. "I just want him. You have no idea how much I love him." Remembering his annoying face, I raised my voice even louder.

Candice pursed her lips in regret. She rubbed my back, then fell on her stomach beside me. I tried to suppress the sound of my crying, but what happened was my chest tightened, making me sob. I turned to the side, looking at Candice who was looking at me with concern.

"I don't think you need to go that far if you still love him," she whispered. "Just forgive him."

"Forgiving Justin is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. This was much more painful than having braces on for the first time—I couldn't eat for a week that time. I'm going to get sick and lose some of my teeth, just like this time. I was sick and lost my hope."

Candice's eyes widened for a moment. If she's like that, she really looks like Angus, my cat who is getting fatter now. "So poetic…" Candice chuckled softly, then changed her expression to a smile. "We can enter a poetry writing competition!"

For the sake of Superman's panties. "Candice!" I hit her head hard, making her scream in pain and rub her head. "Your best friend is crying and you still get to say things like that?" I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"Sorry...."

Ignoring Candice, I flung my arms under the bed. The angel on my shoulder whispered softly, confirming Candice's words that, perhaps, forgiving Justin was the right thing to do. No matter how upset I was with him, I still couldn't hate him. This feeling is constantly blooming like a flower in my yard. Say I'm being poetic, damn it, that's the truth.

But back to reality, I'd never get it. We were separated by a wall called reality. As sad as it sounds, I had nothing to complaint but accept it.