29. Chapter 29

"Marriage."

Jay stood motionless beneath Erin's hands. His eyes were frozen and devoid of any decipherable expression. If it wasn't for the fact that she could feel his heart beating rapidly under her hand, Erin might think he hadn't heard her words. Word. That word. It was what had started this whole disaster months ago. Jay's proposal had sent her world spinning and at one point, Erin had no idea if anything would ever be right again. Yet here it was. They were together and happy, and she could only see a great future in store for them.

She knew, despite his contrary declaration earlier, that marriage was something that Jay desired. He might say he didn't need or want it, but Erin had been by his side for the last three years. He looked fondly at happy couples and sad when he heard about relationships that had failed. It wasn't like they bumped into a lot of happily ever after stories in their jobs, but every once in a while, they did capture glances into the lives of people who seem to have figured it all out. She knew that was something Jay desired. It was why he had proposed in the first place. Maybe she had said no before, but she had changed a lot in the last few months. Her priorities had changed, and she had glimpsed many different ways her life might turn out. She knew the version of her future she wanted, and Jay played an integral part in that future.

Suddenly Jay seemed to snap out of the daze in which he had been stuck in. A smile played on his lips, but she could see that it didn't quite reach his eyes, "Erin. You don't have to say anything." He gave her an understanding look, "I already told you at dinner. I am happy just being with you. You say you are committed to a future with me. I don't need anything more." He leaned down and brushed a light kiss on her lips before pulling back and giving her a reassuring smile.

Erin sighed, "I know what you said. I just think that marriage it still something we should talk about."

Jay looked away in frustration. "There isn't anything more to talk about. I took it off the table. It's a nonissue." Erin could tell by the set of Jay's mouth, that he was getting annoyed.

Erin reached up and gently turned Jay's head until his blue eyes met her own. "What if I want it back on the table?" She softly replied.

She saw his breathing intensify. The rapid rise and fall of his chest and the quick inhales of breath through his nose, his mouth still in a tight line. He stared, almost glared down at her. He shook his head for a moment as a look of realization crossed his face. He grabbed her hand and led her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her down next to him.

This time he smiled at her indulgently, and Erin was almost confused by the look, "Erin, you don't have to say this. Any of this. I already told you that I have accepted that marriage and kids won't be for us. It's okay." He rested one hand on her shoulder and rubbed it comfortingly. Erin could feel the heat from his hand, and it made her feel safe, even as his words puzzled her.

"But I am telling you, that I do want those things." She placed her hand on top of his. "I already told you before. I was scared, afraid. Still reeling from everything that had gone down. Now that I am… in a better state, I know that I want you. I already told you I want a family, a child, with you, and I also want you for my husband."

Jay pursed his lips and his eyes looked emotional as they locked onto hers. "Erin, don't make any promises that you don't mean. Don't just say something because you are afraid of losing me. Marriage and kids aren't something that you can just change your mind on once they happen. Not for me."

Erin saw a mix of emotion in Jay's face. Fear and hope were clear as his eyes searched hers for understanding and clarity. Erin loved him even more than she thought possible at that moment. "Jay," she began. She smiled at him and reached to grasp his hands firmly in hers. "I have thought of little else over the last few months than the moment when you proposed to me. I have replayed that day over and over in my head. I've thought of dozens of different ways I could have answered you, and maybe not lost you that day. But looking back now, it was the right decision at that moment." She took a deep breath, and squeezed his hand harder, seeing the wariness that crept into his eyes at her words. "Saying no, made me take a really hard look at myself. Who I am, and what I want in life. I had to look at myself as a guardian, a mother to a child. I had to think about myself as a girlfriend, as a wife, as a woman alone. And I thought of us. Every single day I thought about the relationship we had built and what went wrong, and then later I kept thinking about the future. Our future, our children, our marriage."

Erin shifted closer until she was practically in his lap. "I am not going to change my mind. Ever. You are it for me." Her fingertips traced his face lovingly. "We are going to have an amazing future, an amazing family, and an amazing marriage. "

Jay took a shuddering breath, and closed his eyes against her touch. "I love you, Erin."

Rising up from the couch to press her lips against his, she whispered, "I love you, too."

As soon as their lips touched, Jay wrapped his arms around her, dragging her up against his body securely. He fell back against the couch settling Erin on top of him. His hands dove into her hair, releasing the pins that held her hair in its fancy up-do, causing the locks to cascade down over his shoulders. Erin moved against his chest, her fingers working the buttons on his shirt, her desire to touch him becoming overwhelming. When they could no longer do without oxygen, Erin pulled her head back to look into Jay's eyes. His lips followed hers for another kiss, but she pulled back slightly out of his reach. She balanced herself by placing one palm on the couch and pushed herself up. She placed her other hand on his chest, where she had revealed his firm skin. Her hand pressed the skin over where his heart beat rapidly. She looked at his face, his blue eyes mixed with desire and love.

"What's wrong?" He whispered breathlessly. His arm snaked up and fiddled at her neck, as he tried figure out how the halter dress was attached.

"Nothing," Erin replied chuckling lightly at his inability to figure out the dress clasp. "I just wanted to look at you." Jay gave a frustrated tug at the neck. "You'd better not rip this dress. It belongs to Kim."

Jay groaned in frustration before dropping his hand to her bare back, and caressing it sensuously. He leaned up, his upper body lifting off the couch to kiss her, but Erin leaned back just out of his reach. He fell back on the couch in defeat. "I will buy her a new one, but right now, I just want to see you…out of it."

Erin laughed huskily, a sound that Jay never tired of hearing. "There's another way to get it off. She moved suggestively against him, causing Jay to groan as all her soft parts met his hard ones. She leaned back down, collapsing against his chest, their lips meeting in a deep kiss. Jay wrapped one arm around her tightly, not willing to let her go again. His other hand skimmed down her back and over her hip until it reached the bottom of her dress which had already ridden up in their movements. It took just a slight tug and the dress was being worked up her body. Erin wiggled slightly to help its ascent, before finally breaking contact with Jay to pull the dress up, passed her chest, and over her head, before tossing it over the back of the couch. She gave a shaky sigh of desire as her bare skin made contact with Jay. Their kisses became almost frantic as Jay's hands roamed her body, and her lips explored his face, neck, and chest.

Suddenly Jay pulled back and sat up on the couch, his arms holding her, so she rose with him. Erin took the opportunity of the new position to pull the rest of his shirt that lay open off his shoulders and down his arms. Jay helped remove the garment, and Erin shifted to straddle him. Her lips moving forward to tease the sensitive juncture between his neck and collar bone. Jay's hands landed on her hip, and he readjusted her, groaning slightly as she moved against the evidence of his arousal. "Erin..." He moaned, pressing her hip more firmly against his lap. Erin writhed against him, the friction of his pants causing her to shudder with need.

"Not. On. The couch." He muttered between gasps, even as her hands made their way to his belt. "You said. Bed." He groaned as her hands deftly unbuckled his belt and slid into his pants.

"Forget what I said," Erin panted, her own need increasing as her hand made contact with heated skin. "I need you now."

This time Jay paused, his hand grabbing her wrist, and stopping her motion. He pulled back a bit, so he could look at her. His eyes traced her face and skimmed down her practically naked body, clad only in black lace underwear. It felt like forever before his eyes met hers again. "What? Jay?" She was breathless under his unrelenting perusal. She shifted restlessly.

Jay just smiled at her. "What happened to the whole 'I got a baby sitter. Not gonna do it on the couch.'"

Erin just rolled her eyes. Wanting to resume their foreplay, Erin reached for the front clasp of her bra and flicked it open. The black lace fell to the side revealing even more of her flesh. She saw Jay's eye drop to focus on her chest. His body becoming more rigid beneath her as well. She tilted her head cockily, "You still want to argue about location?"

"Hell, no." Jay replied before wrapping his arms around her, twisting her in his arms so that this time she fell back against the couch. She looked up at him grinning with success, as he divested himself of the rest of his clothes, before stretching out on top of her. "I love this couch." He declared as he settled against her.

Erin sighed in relief as his warm body fit itself against hers. God, how she'd missed him all these months. They fit together so well. There had never been any of that awkwardness between them, even their first time. Their bodies had just always fit and they had learned each other's needs and desires quickly. Even with months of being apart, Jay still knew exactly what turned her on and drove her wild. His mouth, tongue, and fingers all worked skillfully at bringing her to a passionate climax. Repeatedly they found their release in each other's arms as they were finally able to express their love with not just words but also their bodies.

Author's Note:

Sorry that I have been absent for a bit. The holidays are a busy time for me. I've also been stuck on how I want to proceed now that they have reunited. I have one or two loose ends to tie up, but I don't think I have much more story to tell. I know some of you like those ongoing daily lives stories, but that's not my style. I am tossing around a few stories for the new year, so expect that next month. I am not making any promises, but I do plan on trying to finish this up next week. Thanks for all who review.