chapter sixty five

new history.season six, episode nine.

. Eyes shifting to the ticking clock hanging above the wondow, her lips twitched downwards, realizing that their session was almost over. "The anti— uh, the meds."

Rain smiled at her, clutching onto the clipboard that rested over her knees. "You can say , Cassie," she reminded her, a knowing expression on her face. "It's not a bad word."

"I'm not depressed," Cassie instantly denied, before pausing for a moment after she spoke. Letting out a short laugh, she shook her head, her statement sounding ridiculous even in her own ears. "Okay, yeah, that was a lie."

"Well, I'm glad that they're working as intended," Rain smiled, genuinely happy as she scribbled down a quick note. "I have to say, I've seen a lot of improvement in your mood over the last month. I'm glad you decided to continue our sessions."

Shrugging thoughtfully, Cassie looked down to the ground. After taking Webber's advice and going on a short leave of absence, she reached out to her therapist, who she'd been avoiding ever since George died. After five weeks worth of biweekly sessions, as well as being prescribed mood stabilizers and changing prescriptions for her anxiety, Cassie was finally starting to feel like her old self again.

"I think..." Cassie trailed off, not entirely sure of her decision as her gaze snapped upwards. "I think I'm ready to go back to work."

Looking up with a raised brow, Rain sat back in her seat, a questioning look on her face as she stared at her client. "Dr. Webber spoke to me recently," she informed her. "He said you're welcome back at any time, but I'm required to sign off before you can perform surgery again. Essentially, he needs to be sure that you're mentally fit to be a doctor."

"Am I?" Cassie bit the inside of her cheek, not sure what answer she expected. "Mentally fit?"

Nonchalantly removing a yellow form from a folder she had nearby, Rain wrote her signature on the bottom of the page and held it out. "If you think you're ready, then I believe you." Cassie smiled, reaching out to take it before it was snatched away from her grasp. "But, I have some rules."

"Okay, hit me."

"Number one, you see me twice a month, no questions asked," Rain ordered, her features calm yet her voice stern as she spoke to a willing Cassie, who simply nodded at her instruction. "Number two, remember what we worked on last week. You are —"

"I am not responsible for their deaths," Cassie recited her therapists words, the lesson deeply engraved into her brain. Taking a deep breath, she continued, the next part being the hardest for her to accept. "Blame is a self destructive thought. I couldn't control what happened, so I shouldn't let it control me."

"Exactly," the blonde nodded with a grin, proud of her for coming so far. "Now, number three... have a normal day."

Cassie tilted her head, her eyes narrowed as she tried to decipher what she meant. "I'm sorry?"

"Have a normal day," Rain repeated with a shrug. "Your life and your emotions have been a roller coaster for the past few months. In my opinion, the best way to get back the person you used to be, is to go back to the life you used to live. So, have a normal day. Go on rounds, assist in surgery, and eat lunch with your friends. No drama, no self doubt, and—" she raised her voice, emphasizing her next words, "—."

Cassie opened her mouth to speak, cutting herself off before she could. Sighing in assent, she leant back in her seat on the soft couch, puffing out her cheeks with a huff.

"But... I like when there's Mark."

Rain narrowed her eyes. " ."

"Fine," Cassie rolled her eyes, giving the therapist a faux distasteful look. "Ugh, I when you make me do stuff that's in my best interest."

"Me too, Cassie," she nodded solemnly, though a smirk pulled at the edges of her lips. "Me too."

☆

Derek stood in front of the elevator doors, checking his watch while he waited for them to open. It was still early in the morning, which was proven as a yawn exited his mouth, prompting him to take a gulp of the hot coffee in his hand.

Hearing the sounding from above, he looked up, smiling to himself at the sight of a nervous Cassie standing in the elevator, clad in her scrubs as she put her hair up in a ponytail. Letting out an irritated groan as she continued to feel bumps where her hair was supposed to be smooth, Cassie pouted as her hair fell back down to her shoulders, her arms aching after multiple failed attempts.

Derek stepped onto the elevator, silently taking the hair tie from her wrist and putting it up into a ponytail himself, just like he used to do for her when she was younger and her mom was gone at work.

"Rough first day back?" he guessed, an amused smirk on his lips as he watched her sigh in relief at his action.

"You could say that," Cassie nodded, wincing as he finished off the tie. "Callie woke me up in the middle of the night because there was a spider in her room and she needed me to kill it, and then this morning, my alarm didn't go off, so I was an hour late to my meeting with the Chief."

Derek held out an iced coffee, which she accepted with a grateful smile. "Anything I can do?"

"Not really. Honestly, I just need today to be normal, you know? I just want to have a normal day, then go home, and hang out with my cat."

"Fair enough," he smiled, giving her a supportive pat on the back. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Cass. We missed you around here."

Cassie grinned at him. "I missed you too."

Derek returned the gesture, before tugging on the end of her ponytail that he'd just done. She gasped in mock offense, reaching out and ruffling his hair in an attempt to mess it up. Really, she wasn't surprised when it didn't so much as change directions.