My Current Beliefs

I would like to start off where I left off on religion. Presently I am an atheist and I have made this decision on my own. The religion was forced apon me at an early age. I had to go to church, I had to listen to them at bible studie. The dicisions made in my life were not my own all things were controlled. I had no voice in my home and what happened to me. If spoke on my own opinions it was overlooked, ignored, and didn't matter. If questioned thier dicision I was ridiculed. It was considered an insult to them and me being ungrateful.

This was why it was best to just go along with it. With the fact that we couldn't touch the computer. There were no questions when you give up talking. Talking about your opinions, feelings, and thoughts. They get locked away inside with no way to escape. The thing about these things is it has to.

When the feelings escaped it was only out of angry outbursts. That is the only way my parents learned anything about me.

Angry outbursts was how they learned that I was suicidal. I was expecting for them to care, but they didn't. Instead my mom told me that I was selfish. When I believed that it was the only way to make them happy. All they ever did was yell at me, point out my mistakes, and complain about money. The thing I have learned is that the government was paying my parents for my existence. There was no point to blaming myself for that one.

I had many different explosions of anger and my dad loved to never forget them. When ever I ever did anything wrong, he would keep reminding me of it. That is how it always was, just a cycle of anger and rebuke. The explosions were because I wanted to make them feel pain. I had hope than, that they would understand.

Understanding through feeling hurt like I did. Than maybe they would change, care, and love me. You have to care and listen to learn about someone. My parents don't know their own child and they never will. I have removed them from my life. Than again they have never been in my life. Sure they are my parents and they raised me.

My parents used religion as their reasoning. Examples of what was said by them: "We can't love or accept you cause in the bible it's a sin. You are selfish because you haven't helped others. You don't have a right to an appion because we are your elders. In the bible it says to respect your elders. We are following the bible therefore we have done nothing wrong. Why are you  complianing, you are ungrateful therefore selfish. Your life is meaningless if you don't help others. Being selfish is a sin, all sinners go to hell. Your going to hell, your going to hell, your going to hell. If you misbehave you are sinning. We are punishing you because you have sinned. We are disciplining you, nothing against that in the bible."

These are just the basics you see, everything not Christian was bad. Other religions and beliefs, wrong. Christianity not promoted and taught in schools, wrong. Evolution is wrong, other people's opinions, wrong. Gay or anyone from LGBTQ wrong.

That is why I wasn't supportive like I should have. There was too much of their teachings. I was brainwashed as a child knowing only what they told me.

There was no option to not be a Christian. Whybrews couldn't be anything else. You live there you obey them and follow their rules. If anything different than Christianity it was wrong. They also felt personally attacked because you didn't believe it. So you either join or get ridiculed even more every day. There is no way you can do your own research on their computer. They're always looking over your shoulder. I mean we couldn't listen to anything less than gospels growing up. If it had a drum or any beat what so ever it was satan's music. Even though it was Christian.

I think you can truly understand why I dropped it. In short my parents used religion as a way to abuse me growing up. It has only caused me more problems and pain, than I already had.

Don't need anymore problems than I already have. That is why I don't like Christianity. I also don't like Christian's in the general sense. It is used to hurt others and discriminat. Used to justify actions and hatred towards others.

I am okay with (my two sisters) others believing in it because they take comfort in it and only believe in the love.

The only reason for that is because my two loving sisters I live with. They both are Christian's, but don't believe I am a sin and love me. My sisters have really stepped up in raising me and loving me.