Raymond's Cowardice

Kai was matched against Nirvana in Mid Lane. How good was this guy? She couldn't tell, because the guy hadn't left much of an impression during any of the previous games.

At the very least, he was good enough to hold his own against Mid Laner Lars. Throughout the day, the lane situation in Mid was always frozen, save for the time Lars picked Trickshooter.

So, how good was that guy, really? Hard to say. Kai had no choice but to discover things along the way. For now, the plan was to farm as efficiently as possible and wait for the enemy to make the first move.

Kai summoned a Magia Orb in the middle of the enemy formation, then she booted Dimensional Collapse. The orb collapsed inwards and drew all minions into it, dealing them heavy damage as they crashed into each other. It was a simple but effective farming method that was could be performed across a very long range.

Meanwhile, the Aeromancer used Whirlwind to safely clear the lane. He summoned a small tornado that continuously applied damage to minions.

It allowed the Aeromancer to stay far in the back without advancing, but he had to sacrifice his clearing speed for that advantage. The slow damage-over-time was no match for Sorcerer's burst damage.

As a result, Kai cleared the wave way before the enemy. Her minions were injured but alive, so they charged onward into enemy territory.

Kai could've pushed alongside them and she normally would. But, this time, she chose to retreat to the Turret instead.

There was no need to take any necessary risks. She has already fucked up real bad during the past two games, so she won't let that happen again.

[I'll play this slow and steady.] Kai thought. [I'll establish a gradual advantage, one wave at a time.]

It was an unexpected approach from a normally aggressive player. Needless to say, it caught the enemy by surprise.

[She's not pushing?] Raymond wondered. The Sorcerer gained the upper hand in their first exchange, but she didn't press it. [Maybe she's wary of a gank? But, would you normally expect a gank this early into the game? Well, not like I'm complaining.]

Whatever the enemy's plan was, it made Raymond's life easy. He didn't have to worry about a dangerous attacker leading the minions, so he simply cleared the injured soldiers with basic attacks before they reached the Turret.

Unfortunately, one of the bowmen stepped into Raymond's Turret area. The Turret eliminated the bowman before the guy even nocked his arrow, but it was still bad. A minion dying under tower meant reduced farm.

[This isn't good.] Raymond frowned. He got away almost scot-free this time, but there was no guarantee luck will be on his side again.

If the Sorcerer pushed alongside her minions to zone Raymond out, he would have had to allow multiple minions to die under tower. That would have resulted in a lot of lost gold.

Most high-ranked Sorcerers always pushed hard during this matchup. As such, Raymond often had to borrow the help of the Jungler to turn the one-sided lane situation around. He was already prepared to do the same this game, he even discussed things with Nash ahead of time.

However, Beat turned out to be an unusual Sorcerer. For the better or the worse, she chose to not aggress against Raymond despite the matchup being clearly in her favor.

[I can't tell if that's the right move.] Raymond admitted. In his experience, it was a 50-50.

Sometimes, the Sorcerer's pushes were devastating enough to let them control the entire lane. Other times, they overextended just a little and the Jungler destroyed them. It seemed like Beat didn't want to take that risk.

Even during the second wave, Beat played exactly the same way. She stayed close to her tower and summoned a Magia Orb from all the way over there. Then, she unleashed Dimensional Collapse to inflict heavy damage to all minions at once. After that, she simply walked away.

[She has no interest in pushing.] Raymond concluded. The first time might have been a test of sorts, but the second time confirmed Beat's intentions. She wasn't going to leave the tower area. Beat was like a princess imprisoned inside an unapproachable castle, except she chose to stay there of her own volition.

[Why is she playing like this? I had the impression she's an offensive player. Is it because of how the last two games went?] Raymond couldn't help but wonder.

In both games, Beat's early death sparked Taurus' unstoppable momentum. Maybe that's why Beat, and perhaps Stratus as a whole, decided to play safer this time around. It was a reasonable decision on paper, but it might be their undoing.

[There's such a thing as playing "too safe".] Raymond smiled wryly. He was an expert on the topic, with lots of first-hand experience to boot. The way Beat was playing reminded Raymond of the times he retreated into his own shell to mitigate all risks. More often than not, that decision turned out to be the greatest mistake of them all.

[Well, if that's how you want to play, then I have no complaints.] Raymond thought.

During the next wave, he advanced to the frontline and attacked the enemy minions with basics before they left the range of Whirlwind. This way, he was able to eliminate all the minions before they got a chance to reach his Turret. All his gold earnings were perfectly secured.

As for Beat? She didn't budge from her spot. The entire scene unfolded in front of her very eyes, but she didn't lift a finger to interfere with Raymond. She practically let him get away with robbery in broad daylight.

[You won't see me complaining.] Raymond shrugged. Easy farming, easy life. [Though, I do think it's unfortunate when the captain sets that kind of example for the team.] Was he still talking about Beat? Or, was it about Raymond himself?

The turtling opponent reminded Raymond of how he used to behave in real life. Always avoiding unnecessary conflict, always playing it safe, and always waiting for things to resolve themselves. Even though he had both the strength and authority to step in and make a difference, he always watched from the sidelines and hoped for the problems to fix themselves.

Why was he always so passive? It was mostly cowardice, but not the type many people experienced in such situations.

His clubmates might have assumed he was scared of Bruce and the gang, but that wasn't true. If push came to shove, Raymond was confident in his ability to subdue that entire group of hooligans. After all, that giant body of his has never betrayed him before in a fight.

And, that's precisely why he was scared. He wasn't scared of his opponents, but of his own strength.

His big body wasn't the result of obesity. His dad was a tall big man, and a bodybuilding addict to boot. As such, Raymond grew up with intense workouts being a natural part of his schedule.

On top of that, he inherited his dad's big genetics, and he was also visited by an early growth spurt. With all of that combined, he ended up with a big bulky body that didn't belong to a middle schooler. In terms of raw strength, it was probably even above most high schoolers.

As such, Raymond never feared the bullies or hooligans his age. If anything, it was the opposite. Everybody could only be gangsta until Raymond arrived. Instead of confronting this oversized boy, they usually awkwardly retreated. A single glare was enough to scare them away.

Truly, this big body was convenient for peacefully resolving conflicts. However, it was unsettling as well. The same way his big body instilled fear in others, it made Raymond nervous as well.

No, that was putting it lightly. Raymond was terrified by his own strength. One unfortunate incident seeded a sense of dread in him. It was the first and last time he got serious about fighting anybody.

A boy in his class became the victim of bullying. A group of older kids ganged up on the poor boy, and they were careless enough to commit the crime right in front of Raymond.

Naturally, Raymond couldn't stand still. He had to act!

That was the unfortunate decision that triggered everything. He charged at the bullies and tackled them, separating them from the victim.

When faced with Raymond, anybody from the school would immediately give up. Everybody knew to not mess with the "Golem".

However, these hooligans didn't get the memo. They were apparently from a different school, so they knew nothing about Raymond.

In fact, these boys looked a few years older, possibly middle-schoolers. Raymond was just a grade-schooler at the time, so it made sense they've never heard of him.

"Watcha doing, kid!?" One of the bullies thurst his fist and drove it into Raymond's jaw!

"Eh...?" Raymond staggered backward. It took him a moment to register what just happened.

Did that boy just hit him? Why? Fighting was no good. They shouldn't be doing that.

[It hurts.] Raymond massaged his chin. The sense of pain lingered for a while. It hurt when he tried opening his mouth.

It hurt. They weren't playing nice. These kids crossed the line.

[Who do you think you are?] Raymond clenched his fists. Blood rushed to his head at that moment. [Who gave you the right the just hit others like this!?]

Raymond wasn't thinking straight. No, he probably wasn't thinking at all. His arms moved on their won before he could sort anything out.

He struck, holding nothing back. A swift punch, straight in the stomach.

"Gaaaaah!" The hooligan bent over and coughed violently.

"You fatass! What did ya do to my-" BAM! A punch rammed into his face. His nose made a funny sound. "A-Aaaaaghh!" The boy wailed as he held his nose. Blood was dripping from it.

"Y-You! My nose! Aaaaaah!" The injured boy charged at Raymond.

[What are you doing?] Raymond couldn't help but question the futility of this action. [Don't you understand you can't win?]

The boy was acting like a cornered prey who chose to strike the predator in a desperate attempt to survive. But, why? This wasn't some life-and-death situation. Fighting was so unnecessary.

[You should pipe down as everybody does.] Raymond lightly pushed the attacker away. At least, it was intended to be a light push.

However, the push was a little too strong. The boy wasn't firmly rooted in the ground while chagrin forward, so the push sent him flying all the way to the nearby wall.

THUMP. The sound of something hitting the wall. It was the boy's head. Thinking back on it, it was a dangerous situation that could result in death if not addressed immediately.

But, at the time Raymond didn't pay any attention to that. He simply shifted his focus to the third and last bully. Unlike the others, this one was quaking in his boots. It didn't seem the guy had any courage to strike after witnessing his friends' crushing defeat.

[That's more like it.] Raymond nodded in satisfaction. [You see? If you don't fight, I don't need to hurt you.]

"Get lost," Raymond said coldly.

"E-Eeep!" the boy squeaked and made a run for it.

"That settles it. Raymond approached the bullied boy. "It's okay now."

"Ah, t-thanks..." The boy took a few steps back.

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"N- Nothing. Can I go now?"

"Sure."

"T-Then, bye!" The boy ran away in terror as if fleeing from a monster. But, why? It didn't make any sense. Raymond has just saved the kid, so what's with that treatment? It's almost as if the boy was more scared of Raymond than the bullies.

[Did I do something wrong?] Raymond looked around him. The two bullies he injured were still there. One was crawling on the ground holding his stomach, while the other was lying on the floor with a bleeding nose, barely conscious.

That's when it finally hit Raymond. Who created this bloody scene? He did, with his own two hands. Raymond reduced these kids to such a miserable state of his own volition.

Even though his dad always told him to not raise a hand on the weaker. Even though Raymond always tried to resolve everything peacefully. Somehow, this happened.

"I-I'll call for help!" Raymond broke into a run. [Who should I call in this situation? Oh right, the nurse!]

Luckily, the nurse was present this time. He brought her to the scene and then... he left. He snuck away, without telling anybody he was responsible for all of this.

[It's just a bad dream. It has to be.] Raymond tried to convince himself as he ran away. [I'd never do such a thing in real life.]

It was a nightmare. He didn't do it. It wasn't his fault. He was just trying to save a bullied kid.

But, of course, the kids reported who beat them up. The school called up Raymond and his parents for a lecture. His dad was furious to learn about this act of violence.

Fortunately, the bullied boy testified in Raymond's favor. In the end, the incident passed without Raymond being punished. However, the consequences of his actions will never truly disappear.

"I'm proud of you for stepping in to help a bullied kid," his dad said. "But, you have to remember to hold back. I told you many times: you're bigger and stronger than most kids your age. So, you must avoid fights unless it's an emergency. Did you really have to beat them so badly? Answer me."

"No, I, didn't..." Raymond hung his head. He overdid it big time. The two kids he attacked were sent to the hospital. One of them even had a light nose fracture, and it was all Raymond's fault.

From that day onward, Raymond has been avoiding fights as much as possible. Not just physical fights, but any kind of quarrel that had a chance to make him snap. It's not like he had any special anger management issues, but better safe than sorry.

That one bloody scene he caused burned itself into his mind. Every time he considered stepping into an argument, the bloody sight flashed in front of him. It made him question himself over and over. ["Is it really worth taking the risk? I might hurt somebody again."] A voice whispered thus.

["I better ignore it."] Raymond always chickened out. He was undoubtedly a coward, one who feared none other than himself.

That's why he let Bruce get away with so many things. Instead of stepping in as a captain should, Raymond just watched from the sidelines. He was scared of hurting somebody again and sending them to the hospital.

But, there was such a thing as overcompensating and Raymond definitely crossed into that territory. He was too nice and too forgiving. There was a big logical leap between "not hurting people" and "letting bullies get away scot-free".

It took him a long time to realize he was overcompensating for that one incident. He was too passive, way too passive. In the process of avoiding conflicts, he hurt his clubmates more than his fist ever could. Some even quit the club due to the unpleasant environment, one which Raymond permitted to exist with his passiveness.

It took Raymond so many months to finally wake up. Today's incident with Bruce finally slapped him wide awake. As the captain, he had to take the reins over this club.

Raymond committed a grave mistake as a child, but he has grown since then. It was time to move on. Living in constant fear of hurting others won't get him anywhere.

That's why Raymond had to change. And, today was the beginning.

He has already taken the first step toward a new future when he stopped Bruce. But, it was just the beginning. He still hasn't become the team's captain in the truest sense.

Perhaps, no amount of hard work will ever make up for all the damage he has caused with his passiveness. But, there was no reason to give up before putting on a fight. And, today will become a fresh new page in his story!

[And, since I've already decided to change,] Raymond thought. [I should change my playstyle accordingly.]

People often claimed that Raymond could dominate opponents if he played more assertively, but he never took that advice to heart. However, here and now, he finally started feeling it. If he put his mind to it, he could achieve anything!

Normally, his playstyle was focused on defense. He patiently waited for his opponents to aggress, then he counterattacked them. It only seemed fair. If the opponent was the first to strike, Raymond was allowed to retaliate in an act of self-defense.

Initiating attacks was something Raymond has almost never done. It simply wasn't in his nature. It always felt unnatural, the same way he avoided getting involved with arguments in real life. Perhaps, his cowardice extended to his playstyle as well.

Even now, with the Pyromancer playing defensively, the idea of aggressing on her didn't cross Raymond's mind for a while. He was satisfied with playing defense in response and maintaining a status quo. There was no need to rush things.

But, was that really alright? Should he keep playing like this? His opponent was showing obvious signs of caution. Beat wasn't comfortable with pursuing offense against Raymond.

So, shouldn't Raymond push? It was a great opportunity to gain lane advantage and build up the team's momentum.

[I can't let the younger players do all the work.] Raymond thought back on the past two games. Both times, it was the juniors who created strong momentum for the team.

Shouldn't the captain be the one to initiate such things? Besides, what captain-like things have Raymond accomplished today in general? Noting, really. And, if he keeps acting like a scaredy-cat, he won't get anything done this game either.

[I'll just do it.] Raymond decided. Today was a day of big changes. Slowly but surely, he was crawling out of the cocoon he buried himself in. He won't run away from challenges anymore. The captain shouldn't be acting weak like that.

This game will become a small, yet big, step for him. He'll evolve his playstyle to new heights, here and now! Against a cautious opponent who was scared of committing mistakes, Raymond will respond with relentless offense!