Impasse

***Ross' POV***

I pull away from Taylor, it's difficult but I have to because I'm not like that. I do not just want to have sex with her. I want her with me, forever. And that is an important distinction that I need her to get.

She smiles at me. She looks down into her lap. I take the hazards off and indicate. Check all my mirrors and we join the freeway again.

This is positive in the sense that now she knows where I am. I have a better understanding of her perspective too, and it's just like I said it was. She loves me like I knew she did. She's just being honest and faithful.

I respect that, and I will not rush her into anything. Not at all.

"Do you think that he really likes her?" She asks.

"Jay?" I ask.

"No. I've seen him do this a lot. I'm just happy it's not you or Rach he's doing it too. It's not on. He makes me so annoyed, he's a total predator. I don't like Jane but she doesn't deserve it at all" he says.

"I feel like I should say something to warn her ?" She says.

"She'll throw it in your face. She's jealous of you" I warn her.

"She has that look whenever she sees you, mainly because he can't seem to stop trying it on with you or staring at you around her" I admit.

"I don't see it" she says.

I snort. How she cannot see that is beyond me.

I did wonder what they were doing in the kitchen, they took a long time juicing up some fruit. Ultimately though I know she hates him. His eyes watch her all the time, I'm annoyed that he has seen her without any clothes on. That's such an invasion of somebodies privacy.

I glance over at her and she's looking out of the window, it would be cheap to say that she's beautiful. She is much more than that. Perfection? Maybe. Still doesn't cover it though.

We are nearly at Matty's, time is running out. I start to think about when I will see her alone again. Whenever I'm around her there's always other people, and I can't talk to her. I believe in talking in person too, I'm not the kind of guy to text. I would rather call her but she lives with Matty.

I pull up outside. Apply my handbrake and leave it running.

"You want some help with your bags" I say.

"Hey Ross, come in please" she says and I'm confused.

Do I want to be around them alone in their personal space, seeing them move around each other and touch each other. Not at all. But I do everything she says.

I turn the engine off and grab her bags anyways. Lock up and then we head to Matty's. She's got a key and she lets me in. There's a note on the kitchen table which she picks up and reads smiling. It's Matty's handwriting I can tell.

"He's at the shops" she says simply.

"Want some tea or coffee or something stronger" she laughs.

"Just coffee please babe" I laugh.

I sit down at the table watching her move around the kitchen. She's kicked her shoes off and left them at the door. I'm completely in love with her, who am I kidding. I start to imagine that we are together, that Matty doesn't exist and we live together and she's in love with me too.

"You think we got everything we needed done? I don't feel like Jay was very helpful" she says.

"Yeah it will all be okay I'll type the rest later" I say and she sets a coffee down in front of me smiling. Then she goes to get herself some juice. She sits on the chair next to me and sighs.

Her phone beeps and she checks it.

"It's Jay" she says.

I wait for her to clarify. Why is he messaging her? He's with Jane, I thought they'd be just spending the night together .

"He's an ass" she sighs.

I smile at her.

"He wants to have sex with me" she says directly. Who doesn't Taylor?

"What did he say ? Is he bothering you?" I ask.

I brush a lock of her hair back.

"No it's my fault. I'm not mean enough with him. I presume he will get the hint but thats never enough with him" she says.

"I can tell him? If you like?" I ask.

She smiles at me. I feel validated by the way she looks at me and I reach out for her. She holds my hand which is a gesture we're doing a lot lately. It feels mature somehow and more committed. Ever since the accident, physically we're more connected. She's more emotionally receptive to me. I consider myself her boyfriend, I know that's not true. But I don't want anybody else, and I can't see anybody as attractive other than her.

"Thanks Ross, it's okay. He'll get bored eventually." She laughs.

I rub her hand with mine and she actually closes her eyes. I smile at her, obviously I want to have sex with her. But I also want to lay in bed with her, feel close to her. Hold her in my arms.

She opens her eyes again, stands up and walks to the sofa. She leaves her jacket on the side and turns the TV on.

"Want to watch a film?" She says sleepily.

I sit down next to her, she's curled herself up on one end of the sofa.

"Sure" I say to her. I feel like I'm being spoilt with all of this alone time. She picks out some horror movie and lays next to me, leaning into my side. I want to stroke her and kiss her. But I stop myself.

Eventually she lays down pretty much in my lap and after some deliberation I stroke her hair. Pulling it away from her face. She's sleeping. She trusts me so much that she's sleeping on me.

Every time I stroke her hair she snuggles into me and I feel closer to her.

I watch the movie half focusing on Taylor laying over me and the plot. Her long hair and porcelain skin. She doesn't wear tons of makeup but she's the prettiest girl I've ever met. I remember laying on this sofa with her the first time we met her kissing me in her bra and panties. I should have suggested we leave then, I know that I could have somehow changed the outcome of the situation if I'd have just done things differently.

I stroke her arms and she opens her eyes briefly.

"Sorry I'm so tired" she says laying on me.

She turns around sleepily. Her body facing mine her breathing deepens again and I rub her back. She sighs and I smile. I'm still sitting up, her head rested in my lap.

I'm a very good guy, I don't think of how close she is to my dick. I just want all of her, in every way possible.

The door clicks and she's still asleep so I don't move her.

Marty comes in, I mouth to him that I'm sorry and put my hands up to say I'm not touching her. He just laughs. He sits down next to me. Sighs and puts his bags down on the floor. He crosses his leg over the other and scrapes his hair back.

"She okay when she went to sleep?" he whispers and briefly I wonder what he's going on about.

"Yeah fine" I whisper back.

"We got all of the work done, me and Tay not Jay, he was no help. We've decided not to include him anymore" I say and chuckle.

"What did he do then" Matty whispers.

"Sat making out with Jane." I whisper.

He rolls his eyes.

"He's trying to make her jealous, but he's only getting himself into more trouble" Matty laughs.

"On all sides" he says and looks at the floor.

"What's the deal with him" I ask Matty. He always knows.

"I'm not sure entirely, Rach told me that when they were dating he was saying Taylor's name whilst he slept. That's not really his usual game is it ?" He sighs.

"No. She's been pretty vocal about how much she doesn't like him. And seems relieved to not sit with him anymore" I say

"Do you think we should say something to him?" I add.

"'Maybe." He says and then she moves. She sighs and falls back asleep.

"Matty, I can't stop thinking about her all the time" I say looking down at her.

"I'm sorry man and I don't want this to come between us, but yeah I'm completely in love with her" I say.

"Have you spoken with her about it" he says

"A little" I admit.

"I know she has feelings for both of us Ross, I love her unconditionally. I will do anything to keep her with me. And I don't want our friendship to be affected by it." He says looking at me.

He's so measured and calm, nowadays he's so reasonable. At the same time that I appreciate him it also aggravates me. It's like he knows everything is going to go in his favour.

I nod. We're at a constant impasse. It's the same conversation each time. Me telling him I love her him telling me he loves her and there being zero resolution. For me it's harder because I have to leave. I have to leave her with him, every single time. And consider that they are together and I'm alone.

I feel her stretching and then she opens her eyes. She looks at us and moans. Closing her eyes again. She chuckles.

When she does open her eyes again she focuses on Matty.

"Hey there" she says smiling.

"How long have you been home" she asks him sitting up and smiling.

"Around half an hour" he says to her

"All okay?" He asks.

"Yeah great" she says.

"Ross and I watched a horror film" she laughs.

"Well he watched it and I slept" she sighs.

She brushes my arm casually and then smiles.

She stands up and stretches out in front of me and I cast my eyes down to avoid staring.

I get up and wash out my cup in the kitchen. I grab my car keys and tell them i'm heading off.

Taylor comes and hugs me arms going around my neck smiling.

"Thanks for being an epic pillow" she laughs.

"I'll see you tomorrow" I tell her. I want to kiss her so bad but Matty is there.

"See you tomorrow" she whispers. She lets go and I leave alone again.