(4) Reunion

Your eyes wander over the Hoover building. You haven't been in the center of D.C. for weeks. It's beautiful. But it's daunting. The moment Aaron turns the engine off, you start to panic. He immediately notices the look in your eyes. "Are you okay?"

You shake your head, taking deep breaths. Frantically, you feel for the handle to open the car door. When you finally find it, your forcefully push it open to get out of the car. But you still have your seatbelt on, and it cuts into your skin when you lean forward. "Fuck." You curse.

You hear the door on Aaron's side fall shut. Seconds later, he is in front of you, leaning into the car to open the belt for you. Then he grabs your hands and helps you get up. You let out a small yelp. You stood up too quickly and it shoots a pain down your thighs and calves.

Aaron puts his arm around you: "What's going on? Are you having a panic attack?"

"I don't know." You breathe out. "I- I can still see properly, my heartrate is up only a little." Analyzing your body helps you to regain focus. Leaning your head against Aaron's chest, you close your eyes. "Should I do something?" He asks.

"No, just...just give me a second."

Rubbing your back, he keeps still until you lift your head.

"I think, I got overwhelmed." You admit.

His eyes are full of worry: "Maybe you should take it slow? Go home and rest?"

Stubbornly, you shake your head, insisting: "No, I want to do this."

"Okay." Aaron agrees and lets go of you to get your cane.

"I don't want to use it." You straighten your back.

He furrows his eyebrows: "It will help."

"I know it will." You state and turn around to walk towards the main entrance.

"Oh, for fucks sake!" Aaron shouts. It makes you stop dead in your tracks and look at him. "Will you stop already? No one forces you to do this, no one expects you to. Stop being so god damn haughty!"

You stare at him. Neither of you says anything for almost a minute.

Eventually, you walk back to the car and get your cane out of the trunk.

- - - - - - - - -

The elevator ride is quiet, only the buzzing being audible. It dings, the doors open, and thank the fucking lord the bullpen is pretty quiet. "Did you tell the others I'm coming?"

"No, we were together the entire time since you decided to come."

"Right." You nod. Looking at him for a second, you tell Aaron: "Sometimes my sense of time is a little off."

"You can ask me if you're not sure. I won't say anything about it."

"Thank you." You give him a nervous smile and wait for him to open the glass doors for you. The cane makes a clicking sound on the floor. It annoys you but you try not to listen to it.

Prentiss, Morgan, Reid, and JJ are sitting at their desks, talking to each other. It reminds you of the day you fist came in after your abduction. Aaron sees your hands shaking. It makes it difficult for you to hold yourself up. He offers you his arm. This time you swallow your pride and link your arm with him.

Reid is the first one to spot you. He immediately gets up. The others follow his gaze and notice you too. All of them get up. You swallow hard, now just standing there with Aaron, waiting for them to come over.

Reid basically sprints towards you. "Careful." Aaron warns him. For once, you don't take it as a patronizing comment but hear the genuine worry in his voice. He lets go of you as Reid puts his arms around you, actually careful not to knock you over or touch your neck.

"Thank you." He keeps repeating as if he didn't thank you and apologize to you a million times while you were still in the hospital. "It's okay." You whisper.

Leaning back, he puts his hands on your face – which is a surprising gesture, taking his germaphobia into account – and observes you face. You give him a genuine smile. His eyes are so kind. Then he kisses your right cheek, then your left. It makes you chuckle. "I'm happy to see you too, Spencer."

"Leave some for the rest of us." Morgan appears behind him.

Reid steps to the side and Morgan gives you his signature wide grin before pulling you in for hug as well: "Great to see you, Professor. How you holding up?"

"Barely." You answer deadpan and look at JJ and Prentiss.

"I love the suit." Prentiss tells you. It makes you smile even wider and for a moment all your worries are gone. Your heart it full and the kind faces of your team lets you forget all the awful memories piling up in the back of your head.

Your team. You repeat your thought. Are they still your team? Or are they your friends you came to visit?

Before you can ponder about it any longer, you hear Penelope entering the room. "Oh my god!" She gasps when she sees you. Her eyes wander up and down your body, it makes you aware of how different you look. To you surprise, however, she squeals: "You look SO hot!"

"What?" You furrow your eyebrows, not able to process what she told you.

"I said," she comes closer and pokes your chest, "you look hot."

It makes you laugh: "Thank you, I guess?"

She hugs you tightly and compliments you as if your colleagues weren't standing next to you: "The SUIT, the CANE, the AURA."

You look at your feet and mumble: "Thanks."

"I have something for you, it's in my office though. Should I get it now?" The words are spilling out of her.

"Why don't we let her sit down for a moment?" Rossi calls from across the bullpen, standing on the stairs to his office.

You raise your free hand to wave at him: "I would like that."

"Oh, of course." Penelope scrambles out of the way.

Now that you have to move, you are reminded of the vast difference between your able-bodied colleagues and you. You're not even in such a bad shape but just the small disparity between how long it takes you to get up the stairs and the others is enough to frustrate you.

- - - - - - - - -

"So, what have you guys been up to?" You ask as you take a sip of the coffee Reid got for you. Everyone is sitting at the round table with you.

"Ah, the usual." Morgan tells you. "A few serial killers here and there."

"Really?" Somehow it surprises you that Aaron was on a case without you knowing about it. Yes, you didn't speak for weeks but still…you imagined him just being here with the team. Not them being out there again. In harms way.

"Yeah, Minnesota." JJ tells you.

"Want to tell me about it?" You ask in hopes they won't ask you about yourself then. However, you're at a table with profilers. You're not going to lead them on that easily. Aaron and Rossi exchange looks. So do JJ and Prentiss.

"Well, it was certainly more difficult without our medical profiler." Aaron comments. The others nod in agreement.

"Ah," you dismiss them, "you did well without me before."

"Sure." Reid agrees. "We did way better with you on the team though. Just like you predicted our efficiency with a medical professional as part of our team notably increased. Especially on the last case it took us almost a day longer to get all the medical information we needed to build the profile."

He wants to go on, but Aaron interrupts him: "Reid."

"Oh, I…sorry."

You don't know what to say. It somewhat makes you sad how they all look at you expectantly. It also feels great to know that you actually made an impact on the team's work. Lastly, it makes you angry that they put you on the spot like that right now.

"Excuse me." You get up from your chair.

Holding your head up, you walk out the room. Actually, you'd want to go to the bathroom, but that's impossibly far away right now. So, you make a beeline for Aaron's office.

As soon as the door falls shut behind you, tears start to spill out of your eyes. Pressing your hand to your mouth, you try to stay quiet. Leaning your head against the wall, you do your best to keep your breathing steady, but fail miserably.

Your vision blurry, you stumble towards the couch on the left. You didn't turn on the light, leaving the office in a weird twilight. Leaning forwards, you rest your head on your knees, your hands clutching the edge of the couch.

The tape on the side of your neck starts to itch insufferably. Hysterically, you start to rub it. Your heartrate is through the roof. You groan and sob and still try not to lose it completely. The itching on the side of your neck becomes unbearable and you start to rip the bandage off. Suddenly, the room is flooded with bright light.

"Hey, stop!" Aaron's hands grab yours. You rip your arms out of his grasp.

"Take it off." You cry. "I need to take it off."

"Okay." He agrees. "We will get you to the doc and he will take it off. Okay?"

Your head shoots up. Your eyes red, your mascara smudged.

"Please, I will take you there right away."

You feel dizzy but manage to focus on his face.

"Alright." Nodding, you get up.

- - - - - - - - -

Without telling the others goodbye, you follow Aaron to the carpark. You cleaned your face up as best as you could. You feel awful.

On the way to the hospital, you keep rubbing the bandage on your neck but try your best not to actually rip it off. Aaron stays quiet.

"Say it." You tell him.

"What?"

"Say: I told you so."

He shakes his head: "No."

"But you did."

"You wanted to see your team, you got upset, it happens." His voice is dark and calm.

You sigh: "That was fucking embarrassing."

Aaron doesn't answer at first. Then he says: "No one is judging you."

"Bullshit! Everyone is. And that's their right. I made an idiot out of myself. I went back there thinking I could just go on. But I can't, Aaron, I can't! I'm a fucking wreck!"

Shocked by your outburst, he stops on the side of the road to properly look at you.

"Who am I kidding?" You shake your head and laugh. "You for making you hire me for the most respected team of the FBI? Or me for thinking I could deal with it? I waltzed into this life full of confidence, and I fell on my face. Hard. Now I'm fucked. And I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I…" Shaking your head, you stare out the window. "Please." You ask quietly. "I just want to go home."