An enlightenment

''This is all wrong.'' Will sighs next to me, his view focused on the ground while I begin to fumble with the fabric of my shirt nervously.

''Ethan?'' He looks up and I gulp heavily, lifting my head into his direction.

''What happens when we are all dead?''

My breathing stops for a moment and my heart feels like it is skipping a beat.

''What? We won't die that soon.'' I laugh hysterically but the worried look on my face exposes what I really feel.

Just the thought that everyone of us could be gone some time soon and nothing will be left is taking the air out of my lugs and makes them too dry.

What did we do to end up here? Yeah, maybe we got 'lucky' with being the only ones alive, but the pain is still there and will never grow out.

Only the thought of my Mom makes me tear up and I want to curl up in a ball without ever coming back to reality. Is that what it costs to be alive now? What even is reality? Maybe this is all a scam and we are all actually in a parallel universe or in a coma. I mean, what if?

''What's wrong? You are staring at the same spot now for more than a minute. Are you alright?'' Will holds my hands carefully like they are out of glass and my eyes meet his for a short moment, until I look away again.

''I'm fine.'' I lie and let out a shaky sigh.

''Look at me and repeat that.'' He doesn't sound very convinced from my statement and I bite my lip until it suddenly starts to bleed.

''I can't.'' I admit and wipe the blood away before finally glancing at him.

''It's okay to not be fine all the time. I honestly don't think anyone here is fine right now.'' Will smirks weakly and I start to feel terribly bad.

All the time, he only talks about my feelings and tries to cheer me up, but we never really discuss how he is.

The sad look in Will's green eyes which seem through his glasses like a gray veil is over them show how much he is actually struggling and this makes me to the probably worst boyfriend on earth.

Funny.

Here are only around twenty people left on earth haha..

''Stop it,'' I say loudly when he opens his mouth for speaking again but closes it when I start to talk.

''Stop pretending you are fine in all of this. We always talk about how I feel but what about you? How are you? What are your worries? Where are your hopes?'' Seeing, how Will slowly looses his already weak smile and exchanges it with a painful grimace, I end up whispering the last part and glance at the floor.

''I don't know what to say.'' Will tries to laugh but fails when his voice breaks.

''You don't need to. Just... be real with me, okay?'' I show him a small smile and wrap my arms around him shortly after that.

''I am, but to be honest I-- I don't think this life is the worst it could be.'' He chuckes nervously and straightens his glasses a little.

''What do you mean?'' I let out a shaky sigh while looking at him again.

''I don't need a perfect, unproblematic and funny life when I have you. I- I think that's enough.''

My heart beats fastly in my chest and my face heats just by that one sentence up. I didn't know I needed to hear this.

Without waiting another second, I place my hands on his cheeks and pull him closer until our lips meet in an explosion like a million fireworks.

He makes me feel like none of the problems around us matter. It is a small yet warm kiss. I honestly never knew a kiss could be so special and electrifying. He pulls me closer. The kiss deeper, more passionate. I feel his hands on the back of my neck play with the ends of my hair. A smile grows on my face as I realize this is real, finally we pull apart again.

''I don't want to loose you.'' I breathe out while our heads are still leaned against each others.

''You won't just loose me.'' Will laughs quietly and we gaze into each other's eyes again without that any more words are needed.

The pretty cheeky smile, the green eyes, the ruffled dark brown hair, the black glasses, the chaotic looking clothes.

All of this is perfect. He is perfect.

Wishing it could stay like this forever, I am directly disappointed the moment a knock is audible on the door and Will groans, smirking at me in a crooked way before standing up and opening the front door.

''Hello there, what's the matter chamberat?''

I follow Will and see how Finnegan is standing in the doorstep with a very worried look on his face.

''Avery fell when we were walking around for exploring the fields and hit his head.'' Finn starts to glance around nervously and my jaw drops.

''Is he awake?'' Will frowns as soon as I arrive next to him and get my shoes on.

''No. That's the problem.'' Finnegan is already starting to walk outside when I am still busy with getting my left shoe on. So I am stumbling clumsily after them and nearly trip over a small stone.

''Shit.'' Will exclaims and I nod agreeingly, not wanting to look into Finn's guilty face.

After around ten minutes of walking, I am already able to see the 'crowd' around the 'care tent', or however Carmen calls it, and how everyone has mixed looks on their faces.

''Why are here so many people already?'' My curiosity wins over my social anxiety for a moment and Jaden, who is suddenly next to us, speaks up.

''Because we think this could have gotten his memories back.'' He shrugs a bit before he glances at Finn carefully.

''Who's inside right now?'' Will grabs after my hand and squeezes it a bit, eliciting a small smile on my part.

''Carmen and Aidan.'' Jaden gives back fastly before leaving us alone.

I could never imagine how it is to loose your memories. It is probably the worst thing to happen for you.

In my case, I don't have a lot of worthy memories or don't have a worthy life, but forgetting Will and my Mom is probably the worst which could happen. It maybe wouldn't destroy me, I mean I couldn't remember, but perhaps Will. He doesn't look like it but also a Will needs something to hold on to.

''Come.'' He pulls me after him to a rock and we sit down, not exchanging any more words for the next minutes.

°°°

''This is all my fault.'' I sob into Jaden's shoulder at our place where we went for having a bit of privacy.

Why does everyone say 'My world breaks', this isn't anyone's world. This is hell!

The thoughts are accelerating inside my head. I want them to slow down so that I can breathe but they don't do it. It is the opposite. My breaths come in gasps and I feel like I will black out any second. My heart is hammering inside my chest and my hands are clunging onto Jaden's hoodie he is wearing. The room spins and I lean myself even closer towards Jaden, trying to find something my brain and body can cope with. I feel so sick.

I am sick of this.

All of this.

''No it's not.'' Jaden whispers while drawing kind of comforting circles on my back and I squeeze my eyes tightly together.

''A-at first I was not able to safe my brother when he dr-dr-drowned a-and now I may have ki-killed Avery too.'' My breathing turns into a painful wheezing while Jaden hums something for calming me down but it isn't working.

''You would have died too, if you wouldn't have been get out of the water. You know that, Finn.'' He keeps talking quietly and I shake my head, the pain rolling over me like a heavy wave with sharp shellfish inside which are scratching my back open and I gasp after air.

''I could have saved him.'' I carry on shaking my head and don't even bother wiping away my tears.

''No. It was already too late.'' Jaden's voice now starts to sound shakily too and his grip around me tightens a little.

''Stop.'' I grit my teeth and hiss the words out while shaking uncontrollable.

''It's not your fault.'' He whispers but the shivers down my spine tell different.

''Stop-!'' I cry out helplessly and my fingers dig more into his hoodie.

''You couldn't have changed it. Stop blaming yourself.'' Jaden still carries on and all my emotions explode at the same time.

''I SAID STOP!'' I yell at him and jump onto my feet, nearly falling over but holding myself up on a shelf.

''I'm sorry.'' Jaden glances at the floor and I run out of the door and away from everything.

I don't know how long I am already walking into a random direction, but the sudden opening of the ground in front of me forces me to a scream before I fall inside and my head hits a stone or rock or whatever.

Then...

Lights out.