7

It really hurts when the person who made you feel so special the day before, can also be the person who makes you feel so unwanted today.

It's been 5 days since Blake had took me to his fight, and we haven't talked since he dropped me off. I had texted him a few times, but after the second day of being ghosted, I gave up. I guess Blake really was the type to lead a girl on then leave.

But do I blame him? No, I don't.

I blame myself. I blame myself for being dumb enough to even believe for a second that Blake would be interested in a simple girl like me. I wasn't anything special, I was just good girl Arden Tate. I'd never been out the country, I celebrated 4th of July down at the beach along with everyone else in my home town, I used to date your typical high school jock, and most of all, I'm an idiot.

An idiot to even have let Blake Hudson into my life.

Perhaps it was for the best. I shouldn't be focusing on a boy who could get anyone he wanted, when I had literally started college the week before.

So Blake, if you want to ignore me then go ahead.

But who was I kidding? I actually kind of miss him. I miss those blue eyes, I miss his tattoos, I miss his voice, and I miss his lips. I just missed him. Did he miss me? Probably not. But hey, at least I still have some friends that turned out to be the kindest people I've met so far, I still have a funny roommate, and I'm actually not finding the college classes too difficult. So all things – minus Blake – are actually going well.

"Hey, Arden. What's up." A deep voice entered my ears and the the sounds of someone jogging had slowed down to walking. I looked to my left and saw Chase.

"Hey, not late for class today I see." I smiled at the taller boy.

"I was late one time, are you seriously going to hold that over my head for the rest of our time in college?" Chase laughed and shoved me a little.

"Until I have something else to hold over your head, you bet I'll use it."

"Let's go before we're actually late." He said.

Looking at Chase just reminded me even more of Blake. They were twins, how could he not remind me of him. He'd definitely know what Blake's doing, and maybe even why he's not contacted me. But, I don't even know if Chase knew about Blake and I.

I really need to stop thinking about him.

Chase and I had made it to class and situated ourselves in our usual seats towards the back. We talked about everything, but Blake's name didn't come up once.

"Arden, I need to tell you something after class. Meet me in the alley next to the courtyard after class, I have to go give Grace her folder." Chase said to me as the class ended and everyone was leaving the room.

"Erm okay sure..." I said hesitantly.

I hope this wasn't a confrontation about something, I hate confrontations. Maybe Grace doesn't want me hanging out with Chase in class anymore, or with the whole group. But what had I done? Thinking about it, after all our conversations in class today, I don't think Chase knew about Blake and I. So, I really don't think it was about Blake.

I wanted to tell him I missed him, but I knew it wouldn't change a thing so I'm just trying to pretend that I don't miss him. But it's becoming impossible.

I don't know why it is, but I felt safe and at home with Blake. I hadn't even known him long, but he ignited feelings I'd never felt even with Jason, let alone any other crush I've had. Sometimes you really can't explain what you see in someone. It's just the way they take you to a whole new place, where no one else can. He took me to a place of happiness, warmth, and love. Though, he doesn't let anyone see that he is capable of love, or even feeling a single emotion linked to happiness, when I was with him, all he radiated was warmth and love.

Before going to where Chase had told me to meet him, I decided to get a chocolate bar from the vending machine. After stressing so much, I think I deserve some sugar. I put a dollar in the machine and pressed the number which gave me a Hershey's chocolate bar.

After getting my chocolate bar, I made my way to the alley next to the courtyard, to already find Chase leaning against the wall on his phone.

"Hi." I said as I swallowed the last piece of my chocolate. Chase gestured to a bench that was also in the alley part.

"Let's sit." I nodded and sat down on the wooden seat and placed my bag on the floor. Then turned to face Chase. "So, you're probably wondering why I needed to talk to you somewhere private, but don't say anything just yet, and let me explain things." He said as he held up both his hands as in 'I'm just the messenger.' sort of thing.

I nodded my head, "okay, go ahead."

"First of all, I know about you and my brother. Before you try denying it, he's told me about you and I just want to say, watch out." He began. My cheeks are suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming colour against my skin. I looks away and finds a distraction on my phone screen, cleaning up an imaginary smudge that wasn't there. Chase eyes me curiously, giving me time to compose myself, I could see him fighting back the smile that wants to break out. I had to break my silence.

"Well, it seemed as if it was just a little game to him because he hasn't talked to me in 5 days, so there's nothing going on by the looks of it. Nothing to worry about here, Chase." I said quickly as I grabbed my bag and stood up, only Chase took my arm and pulled me back down.

"I'm not finished yet, Arden." I crossed my arms and listened to what he had to say. "I know he's my brother, but Blake isn't the most safest person out there. There's something I think you should know, and if you do continue with him, just watch out for yourself, because he's not the most reliable person out there. " What does he mean? My throat is dry now, and my hands are shaking for some weird reason. "– Blake has a reputation with girls. He's usually just the amuse for a while then leave type of guy, and has never actually had a relationship thats lasted more than 2 weeks. I just wanted to warn you, because I don't you getting stuck on the idea of him, and I certainly don't want him to break your heart, you don't deserve that." He weakly smiled and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked, looking him in the eye.

"He's been at his apartment, I went by to check on him, but he didn't open the door and just told me to leave. Now he won't return any of my texts." Chase said softly.

"Chase, I need you to do me a huge favour."

"Go on..." he replied.

"Give me his address."

"Arden, that's not a good idea. Blake's anger is uncontrollable, he turns into a completely different person when he's angry. I don't want you getting stuck in the middle of it. But, how about I give him a message for you?" He replied.

All of a sudden, I got an idea.

I pulled out a notepad and pan from my bag and started writing.

Blake,

Since you're deciding to openly ignore me, maybe this will get your attention. I like you, Blake. Why do I like you? I don't know, I don't have an answer to that, but I guess it's because of the feelings you've given me in the short time of knowing you, the smile you have managed to put on my face when I'm just thinking about you, and just the fact that I'm still thinking about you even when you aren't talking to me. If you don't want to communicate with me the fine, but be a man about it and tell me. But if there's anything I can help you with, please, also tell me. If I don't hear back from you by 12:00 a.m. tonight, then I'll know where I stand, and we can leave things as if they never happened.

— Arden.

Yes, a letter. But maybe this was my only hope of him getting back to me and letting me know what was going on. If my phone calls and text messages weren't enough, maybe this was. I folded the piece of paper in half and wrote Blake's name on the front of it, and handed it to Chase.

"Please can you give this to him?" I whispered.

Chase took the piece of paper from me and put it in his back pocket, and stood up. "I will Arden, but please don't get disheartened if he doesn't reply back. This is what he does. I should've warned you from the beginning, I'm sorry." I shook my head at Chase and also stood up.

"It's not your fault, don't be sorry." I said and gave him a hug.

We said goodbye, and headed our separate ways, luckily, I had no more classes today. So I could just relax for the rest of the day. I started walking back to my dorm room, and as soon as I got in I plonked myself on my bed.

And Without realising, I fell asleep.

-

Waking up can be really harsh, especially if your dreams are better than reality. The saddest part of it is, though, that eventually even the memory of your dream will fade - if you are even lucky enough to remember it that is. Then you're left with this lonely feeling of detachment, left to explore in the empty void of emotions, the only proof that you ever had the dream to begin with.

I dreamed about these blue eyes. I couldn't make out who the face belong to, but all I know is that they had bright blue eyes.

Which only reminded me of one person: Blake.

I looked at my clock next to my bed and it read, 21:57 p.m. I guess I slept longer than I thought.

"Good evening, sleepy head. How did our very own sleeping beauty sleep?" Hanna said as she looked up from her phone. "Do you want some tea?" She asked as she stood up and made her way to the kettle that we had in our room.

"Yes please, Hanna." I groggily said as I wiped my eyes and looked at the rain pouring down outside.

"Arden, are you feeling okay? You've been acting really strange, and kind of sad this week." Hanna asked whilst pouring hot water into two cups, and stirring some sugar in both of them.

I sighed, and looked at Hanna. "I guess I should tell you what's been going on." I patted the empty spot next to me, and she walked steadily over with both cups of tea and handed one to me, and then snuggled into the opposite corner of the bed.

"Come on, babe, Aunty Hanna is here to listen to all your problems." I laughed slightly and started explaining things that happened with both Jason and Blake.

After I had finished explaining we had both finished our drinks and Hanna sat across from me with a huge smirk on her face.

"Oh my God! You and Blake Hudson? Arden, you little Minx." I hit Hanna lightly with a pillow, "hey!" She shrieked and hit me back with a pillow. All of a sudden, we had both started participating in a pillow fight. It was nice not thinking about Blake for a second and just enjoying time with my friend, but that was cut short when a letter slid under our door.

"Oh my, is that what I think it is?" Hanna stoped right before hitting me back, and placed the pillow down on the bed. I sat there, then looked out the window to see him.

Blake.

He stood there in the rain watching me as I watched him. He was wearing a thin t-shirt, and black jeans, with black shoes like he usually does. But he's not wearing a jacket or anything to keep him warm. Instead he just stands there hands in his pockets, looking back at me.

Hanna hands me the letter, and I read it whilst he was still watching me.

Arden,

Chase gave me your letter earlier on today. I was surprised to have even gotten a letter from you, I thought you would have stopped trying by now. But I'm glad you didn't. I just wanted to say that meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. You've been around for not even a month and already you've brung out a whole new side of me that I never knew I had. But I'm a bad person Arden, I could never be the man you want me to be. I can't offer you anything someone like Chase could offer you, hell, even an arrogant idiot like Dane could give you more than what I could.

I want you to know something, but I don't know how to say it to your face, so I'll let these words tell it. I wish I could explain your eyes, and how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies (I've never got butterflies before). How your smile makes my heart skip a beat, and how every time I am with you, or even near you, I feel so complete. I want to treat you better than anyone else ever could. I want to be the reason you glow when you smile. I want to be all that you need. I want you Arden, if you'll still have me too.

– Blake.

Tears had started to drop from my cheeks and mess the ink up. The words his messy handwriting had composed, made my heart beat faster. My brain was foggy and all I could do was look back at the boy who stood in the rain, looking at me too.

"Arden, seriously what are you waiting for? Go get your man girl!" Hanna said as she pushed me up and handed me shoes, and an umbrella. But as soon as I got my shoes on, I ran out the door and towards Blake, forgetting about the umbrella completely. Because right now, at this moment in time I didn't care about the rain. I just wanted him.

I pushed the doors open as soon as I got downstairs, and again, looked it Blake who was now standing a few feet away from me. He wasted no time, and ran towards me and kissed me deeply and passionately, pulling my face closer to his.

"I'll still have you." I whispered, the heavy rain pour making it nearly impossible for him to hear. "But why did you do it?"

"Come back to my apartment, I'll explain everything." He said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards his car.

-

We arrived on to an empty street, with a row of buildings with black gates and stairs that led up to apartments. Blake's was the second apartment on the row, and it was nothing like I had expected it to be.

I had expected messy rooms, but it wasn't anything like that. He had all black painted walls, his kitchen was combined with his living room, and then there was a small balcony on the other side. And from that balcony, you could see the meadow he had previously taken me to. His apartment was plain, no decorations, apart from a picture of him, Chase, and a beautiful woman with the same blue eyes Blake had, and the same blonde hair Chase had.

Blake disappeared into his room, and then returned about 2 minutes later, wearing black shorts and a white T-shirt.

"Here, you can change in my room." He said as he handed me a faded gray Ramones printed T-shirt.

"Thank you." I said as I took his top and made his way to his room.

God, it smelled exactly like him. Like cigarettes and cologne. The smell I craved since meeting him. Unlike the rest of the apartment, his room was painted a deep navy colour. His room was clean, and he had neatly folded clothes on his dresser drawer, that sat next to a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and an ash tray.

After changing, I walked back out the room to Blake, to find him sitting on a chair smoking. He stood up and handed me a soft blanket, "Here, are you cold?" He said.

"Kind of, thank you." I took the blanket and wrapped it around myself, sitting down on the longer sofa, opposite Blake. He placed his cigarette in the other ashtray he had in the middle of the coffee table and raked his hands through is hair and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, Arden. I really am. Not speaking to you felt like being in hell." He said as he stood up and came and sat next to me.

"So why did you do it then? You didn't consider my feelings at all." I replied back looking down at my hands, he took my chin and lifted it up so I was looking at him and sighed.

"I was in a rough place. My mind felt all over the place, and I didn't want you to get caught up in my mess of a life." He began, and leaned back. "I'm a bad person Arden. I'm trying to be better for you, and I know I could never be good enough, but I'm trying. I just don't want you seeing me the way the rest of the world sees me, and how I even see myself." He said, staring at me.

I pulled my hand out and placed it on his cheek, "You're not a bad person, Blake. Whatever is going on with you, it's okay. It's okay if you're hurting, and it's okay if you're angry. Because, these dark moments you have, will eventually lead you to something bright, and happy. You just have to believe in it." I said softly and looked into his eyes.

He took my hand and held it in his, bringing it to his lips, and brushing my knuckles against them.

"I think I've already been lead to something that's bright and happy–" he kissed my knuckle and then pulled me on top of him, tucking a strand of wet hair behind my ear. "– You, Arden." He softly continued and kissed me sweetly, but deeply.

People would probably describe Blake as the Devil incarnate. Everyone makes him out to be a bad person, who doesn't care for anyone but himself. Maybe he was, maybe I just couldn't see that. But I welcomed it. I couldn't stop myself from wanting more of him.

Never did I ever think I'd fall for someone like Blake Hudson. But he was breaking me, he was beginning to show me a whole new world I had always been sheltered from. Because past all the pep rallyes, homecoming games, carnivals, neighbourhood barbecues, there was a world I hadn't experienced. A dark world, a fun world, a new world.

And Blake would be the one to show me this, he'd be the one to break me free from the ties of my life before.

And I would never be the same.

But I didn't fight it.

I wanted it.

I wanted him to do it.