4. HART

'' Before telling someone your story, first check their maturity level. Some people have insufficient balance in their sense account''.

My eyes opened as the sun rays reflected on my face. I stretched and yawned then change position then closed my eyes again. ''Good morning love''. I said out loud with a smile on my face. Ever since my beloved passed away, it has sort of become a routine to greet him in between time, a dumb one you may say, but wait until you get into my shoes then you would understand. Believe it or not, his face always came to mind whenever I did that, but I was surprised to see a different face this time around, a pretty one with nice soft lips and a beautiful smile, Hart. My eyes flew open in shock and I rubbed my face with my palm. I groaned out loud as yesterday's event rushed through my brain ''Oh gosh, what on earth am I going to tell my friend when she calls?'' I said bitterly. looking at the clock on the wall, she would be calling me any moment from now. Then, as if one cue, my phone began to ring and without checking the caller ID, I answered. ''I was not banged yesterday if that is why you are calling me soo early. In fact, I just could not go through with it, I know you would say ' I told you so' but can you blame me? I am still mourning you know? And there's something about that guy that I just can not shake off. Something intriguing''. I said as fast I could, meaning to get it over with. ''Really? Well good morning to you too. I wonder if this is how you normally sound in the morning?'' Came the manly reply. Uh oh, that voice sounds soo familiar. ''Hart?'' I guessed. ''Hi there, pretty''. He answered. Out of surprise, I mistakenly hanged up the call. But it soon rang again and after taking three deep breaths, I answered. '' Oh, hi. Sorry about that, my hand has this awful habit of hanging up phone calls from unknown numbers''. I said nervously but he just laughed and laughed till I finally joined him. His line went quiet for a moment. Hello?'' I asked. ''You have a beautiful laugh'' Came his reply. I cleared my throat then asked for his reason for calling. Well, according to him, I had left something of mine at his place and he knows it is mine because it smells just as me. And when I asked him how I smell, he said like lilies and that made me smile. He picked a date for me to come for my' unknown thing'. He did not want to tell me what it was but a part of me wanted soo badly to know and so I agreed to meet him. I hanged up after he called me a pretty lily. I started giggling as a child but I stopped just as fast. 'What at all do you think you are doing, huh?' My inner mind screamed at me. 'Have you forgotten about him soo soon? What about the taste of his lips? His gentle touch? His warm embrace? Have you forgotten about your beloved? The one you nearly died for out of misery after his demise? Have you?!' It continued to scream at me. ''ENOUGH!'' I yelled. ''That is enough'' I said more calmly. '' I got this. I know what I am doing. Lot of guys have come my way, handsome than him and I was not even moved. What makes you think this one would be different?'' I asked no one in particular. I thought I had everything under control. Thought, but apparently that was a big fat lie.

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I moaned as his soft lips sucked on mine. How can someone's lips taste soo sweet, like strawberries. ''Hart'' I called out helplessly, but he answered with another passionate kiss. Don't ask me why I lose control when he touches me, the way my body responds to his touch is even a mystery to me. It has been four months after the embarrassing incident and this is the second time we are kissing after that day. We were in my apartment and he had me pinned to the wall in a romantic way. I found out that I had not left anything at his place and that he used that as an excuse to see me in order to properly apologize for being a jerk, his words not mine. I did forgive him, he sounded really sincere in his apology and he was too cute for me to say no. He had hugged me out of of joy and though I did return his hug, his huge smile showed how pleased he was. We have been friends since then and I have not been able to get the feel of his lips out of my head. We went for an ice cream this sunset and he requested to take me home, to this I agreed. When we got to my apartment, I asked him to come in and when he did, the tension between us was hazardously thick that a butcher's knife would not have been able to cut through. He took a step towards me and I took one back till eventually, I had my back against the wall. As stupid as it may sound, I could take my eyes of his lips and when he asked if I wanted to taste the flavor of his ice cream, I readily agreed. And now I cannot get enough. He picked me up still kissing me and with my legs wrapped around his strong waist, my arms around his neck, he walked to my bed and placed me down gently with him on top of me. My breaths came out in short gasps and my heart beat could be heard across the room. ''Are you scared'' He asked with concern. I nodded and tried to hide my face but he held my hands and looked at me fondly in the eyes. ''Don't dear. Don't hide those pretty eyes of yours from me. Listen, you don't have to do anything if you are not ready. I will understand babe''. He said. My heart skipped a beat. This scene looks very familiar, I was momentarily lost as a memory came to mind. My beloved was lying with me and we were kissing nonstop, he had his shirt off but all my clothes were still intact. He was trying to cool me down because I was angry that he would not have an intercourse with me. Even though I was not ready and pretty scared, I wanted to do it, I wanted him to do it. But he would not because I could not give him any tangible reason. He had uttered those exact words ''Listen, you don't have to do anything if you are not ready. I will understand babe''. He had said. I felt Hart shaking my arm, bringing me to the present moment, one look at him and I broke down, soaking his shirt. I wailed shamelessly and he said nothing but to console me. He hugged me and continued to rub my back whiles I sobbed painfully. After a while, I felt calm and eventually quietened down. ''Is it him?'' He enquired. I just nodded. '' How, how did you know?'' I questioned. ''Your friend'' He stated with a shrug. {You remember what I told you at the beginning of this chapter? Well, now you get it.} ''I think you should leave Hart. I am tired and it is really late.'' I announced getting up, he followed my lead without complaint and I walked him to the door. He turned, held my hands and without breaking eye contact, he said '' My pretty lily, let me be the heart that beats for you. I know we just met but let me be there for you and let me help you heal your pain. I promise that the only thing I would be breaking here is your pathetic, miserable, sorrowful cycle. Just give me this chance and I won't disappoint you, please.'' I stood there frozen, of all the things to say, I was not expecting him to say such heart-warming words after I had just shown him my weak, broken side. I hugged him, he hesitated for just a second and reciprocated. We stood like that for a long time until finally we broke apart. I stood awkwardly for I did not know what to say. As if he had read my mind, he told me to think about it and give him an answer only when I am truly sure of it. He told me not rush for he would be waiting for as long as it takes me and after promising to call me first thing in the morning, he waved me good bye and was gone. I closed the door and slid down, thinking ' Is it going to be alright with him?'. I prayed fervently for a sign, but well, sometimes the sign is what our heart is yelling at us. We may not hear it because our minds have already set up an answer for any question asked. It is up to us to choose who to listen to. I changed and laid down, a shudder run through me as I thought of the things of the past, but a smile crept to my face as I saw the endless opportunities awaiting me in the future.