Smile

I was in the hallway when I saw my mom standing in front of my room’s door.

“Hey mom, do you need anything?” She instantly looked at me like she was caught in the act.

“Ah… I… I was just wondering if you want to see the ultrasound copy,” she stuttered. I stared at her with my mouth agape. I tried to say something but closed my mouth when nothing came out. “Kirsh?” she called me, and I blinked multiple times. I even pinched myself to see if I am dreaming but it hurts so I am not.

“Uh, yes mom. Of course, I want to see it” I secretly hide the copy dad gave me.

“Here” and she handed me the picture.

“So cute, what’s the gender mom?” I asked ecstatically despite knowing the answer.

“It’s a baby girl. A beautiful baby girl,” she answered smiling while looking admiringly at the picture. I was unconsciously smiling while staring at my mom that when she lifted her head and our gaze met her forehead creased. I cleared my throat.

“Can I have this, mom?”

“Of course, I intend to give you that. I remembered you asking for one before I had my check-up.” Again, I was startled by what she said resulting in me being tongue-tied.

“Thank you, mom this means a lot,” smiling I answered. She also smiled at me and it was a genuine one. I can’t hold back myself anymore and so I hugged her. She was surprised with what I did ‘cause I felt her froze for a moment and later on she was hesitant whether to give back my hug but I felt her hands caressing my back.

“I love you, mom,” I said trying hard to stifle my cry.

“And I love you, Kirsh” I buried my face on her shoulders and hugged her tighter. She chuckled at my action.

“I’m really sorry, mom. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, it’s okay now, baby. Mommy has forgiven you a long time ago,” she replied that made me cry harder. I was like a child that needed mending because some kid bullied me. Mom hugged me until I calmed down and when I faced her, her eyes were bloodshot, but she gave me her smile that I haven’t seen for a long time.

“Stop punishing yourself, baby. Stop feeling sorry for the mistake you’ve done in the past. I’ve felt how sorry you were, and I saw how you punished yourself for that. I saw you trying to make it up to me, I saw how you were excited to do things with me but you contained yourself because you were thinking that I’m still not comfortable with you,” she looked at my whole face as she caressed it, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t a mother to you for the past years. Emotions got the best of me. It was hard for me, baby.” I saw tears forming in her eyes.

“Mom please don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry because of me.” She chuckled with what I said as she wiped her tears.

“These are tears of joy, baby. I hope you can forgive me for everything that I did to you. I wa—"

“You need not say sorry, mommy. I understand what you did and I’m not the type to hold grudges. I understand it, mom so don’t be sorry,” I answered after cutting her off.

“Thank you, Kirsh. You have such a good heart and I hope you know that. I love you, baby,” she said smiling.

It was almost our break and the second semester for this academic year has started weeks ago. I was staring at nowhere when Cove arrived looking shocked.

“Kirsh, w-what’s that?” he looked like someone who has seen a ghost because of his stuttering, and shock was still evident on his face.

“What?”

“That,” he pointed at my face, “Why are you suddenly smiling?” I was shocked by what he said that I immediately held my face.

“I was smiling?”

“Yeah, it’s creepy you know. You were staring at nothing, but you were smiling from ear to ear, I can even see your gums”

“Hey!” and I punched his arms which he just laughed at.

“I was just joking; you can never take a joke, but why the smile? It has been weeks since your aura changed.”

“Are you implying that I’m not happy before?”

“Not really but you can say that.”

“Can’t I be happy?” he scratched his head because of my answer.

“No… it’s just that… I’m not used to seeing you smiling often.” I looked at him contemplating whether to tell him my reason or not.

“O-oh, why are you looking at me like that?” Tss, he looks stupid with his stuttering.

“It’s mom,” I spilled but he just gave me a puzzled look, “We’ve made amends already,” I continued and his mouth form an ‘o’.

“That’s why. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened? But if you’re no—" I cut him off and I filled him with all the information he needed. And it felt good, having someone whom you can tell your life’s sentiments. I never really had the luxury to do this before and I am glad that Cove insisted on staying in my life despite me being harsh towards him.

He was so engrossed in listening to my story, he has all sorts of reaction on his face, but when I told him the part about the ultrasound copy and the reconciliation thingy, he began to relax and just smiled till I finish narrating.

“I’m happy for you and your mom. And I’m proud of you,” he said as he tousled my hair which I shoved, “I didn’t know you’re soft when it comes to your mother. Your love for your family, keep it up, Kirsh. It’s one of the factors that will make people love you.” And he looked at me like I was the only person in that room while a genuine smile slowly appeared on his face.

My heart beat fast. I can feel my whole face heating up but for him not to notice I also smiled at him because I’ve never felt this happy before and his compliment flatters me. Everything is fine now.

“Before I forgot, our classmates are inviting us. They’re planning to have an outing. Are you coming?”

“No, we’ve already a plan this coming break. Are you joining them?”

“I’m not yet certain but I’ve got nothing to do this break.” I shrugged at him because our professor arrived.

We have Fundamentals of Systematics today and because it’s the second semester already we have new subjects. At first, I was elated for the second semester to arrive thinking that it’ll be fun and the subjects will be a lot easier.

I was even anticipating General Ecology and General Physiology but to my surprise Gen Eco was hard! Though it was nice since both our professor in lecture and laboratory have the expertise in the said subject but they’re strict. Our lecture prof requires a passing rate of 70% for his two long exams! Our professor in laboratory was strict especially when it comes to laboratory reports. All my classmates were asking one another in the group chat every time we’re about to pass the lab reports.

While our prof in gen physiology was well… she’s the total opposite of the two. I can’t find any other word to make it sound a little harsh but she not really good at all. She keeps on telling us her stories of recovering from diabetes, how she had her glow up, and how she gives advice to her children. I think me and my classmates can agree that we have memorized her diabetes journey. And there was this one time where she gave an exam, we studied and memorized the contents of all her PowerPoint presentation but then come the exam day and all that we’ve reviewed went to waste. All the questions were not related to anything she lectured. All my classmates were frustrated and furious at that time while she kept on telling us that we’re second year already so the exam should be basic to us. My classmates want to throw her out to Jupiter because of irritation.

“Hey Kirsh, wait for me. Let’s go home together and then I’ll walk you to your house,” I immediately turned my attention to Cove.

“What walk me to my house? I can go home just fine. I don’t need you to accompany me, what are you my boyfriend?’ he has this look of unbelief after what I said but then he recovered and laughed as soon as he did. Have I said too much? Was I assuming things just now? Curse that smile of him earlier because of that I was having all sorts of ideas and all these unnecessary reactions.

“I just offered walking you home but you go on and tell all those things. I intend to go to your house for the reason that Tito invited me to swim today. You’re too paranoid. C’mon let’s go,” and off he goes. I remained standing on my spot because of my own embarrassment. I was mentally slapping myself because of my stupidity.

“Hey, are you planning to just stand there?” I was pulled out of my reverie when Cove shouted and so I followed suit. While walking in our village Cove kept on throwing me glances and then he’ll shook his head. He said that I was acting weird because I kept a one-meter distance.

“What’s with the distance? As far as I know, I don’t have any infectious disease.” I just throw him a dagger look, but that doesn’t suffice him because he went to me and held both my shoulders stopping me from walking. I flinched at his touch and I knew he felt it but he didn’t bother to take it off.

“Answer me, Kirsh because I’m utterly weird out by your actions. This is not like you at all,” I once again throw him a dagger look hoping that he’ll stop this nonsense and continue walking, but he stared back with the same intensity. This is because of your stupid smile and all those words that you said, idiot! I wanted to shout at him, but I wouldn’t do that, I can’t because frankly, even I am weird out by my actions.

“I don’t know,” I honestly answered and looked the other way because of shame.

“You don’t know? What? You just began acting like that?” he confusingly asked.

“I don’t know, okay? Maybe this is my instinct working. Stop asking me. Let’s go, my dad might be at home already,” I answered slightly raising my voice. He was surprised with what I did and so I took that opportunity and walked as fast as I can because my heart was beating erratically. Shit. What’s happening to me? It’s like I ran a marathon because of how fast my heart was beating.

As I reached our house mom and dad sitting on the sofa while cuddling welcomed me. They were watching some movie but they were not focusing their attention on it for they were both giggling. I even saw dad bite mom’s ear which earned him a pinch on his waist but nonetheless mom was laughing while doing so. I leaned on our door to watch them. I want to take a video of this candid moment for future purposes, but I just want to be present at the moment and let my eyes keep this memory etched in my mind for the rest of my life.