Chapter Eleven: Please Don't Go

Daisuke was utterly freaking out.

He was at work, but his mind was completely elsewhere. Goro's girlfriend, Jennifer, was currently on the plane – headed straight for Japan. As soon as he got home, he would be greeted by her. Goro was excited – in fact, he had never seen him so happy and nervous all at once.

Before he left for work that morning, Goro had asked him for some tips on being calm. Daisuke hadn't been sure what to say really, so he told him to "just breathe."

He wanted to face-palm so hard in the middle of teaching his class every time that thought came into his mind. He wanted Goro to be happy, but he couldn't help but feel insanely jealous.

"Mr. Amaya – are you feeling alright?"

Daisuke snapped out of his daydream to see his entire class staring at him worriedly. In that moment, he realised he hadn't been speaking at all. Just – staring blankly into space.

"I'm fine," he said, clearing his throat, "I apologise, class."

Half of the class was staring at him with eyebrows raised – the other half snickering.

"Mr. Amaya's mind is elsewhere, you know what that means!" a male student exclaimed, winking at him.

The other students made an "ooooh" sound, then burst into laughter. A dark blush formed on the teacher's cheeks, humiliated. Of course, the student meant no harm. He was well liked among his students in general, but this student's joke was too close to home.

"Anyway," he said, picking up his chalk. He cleared his throat a few more times before scribbling their homework on the board.

"Aw, come on, Mr. Amaya!" the male student grumbled, "I thought when teachers fell in love, they stopped giving out homework."

"You thought wrong, Mr. Ito."

The class snickered at the student, who took his seat once more and huffed.

The bell rang, then, signalling that class was over.

Daisuke watched as the students filed out of the room, chattering with one another. He blinked back the tears that were forming in his eyes, then let out a relieved sigh when the final student left, closing the door behind them. He perched on his desk, covering his face with his hands.

"What am I going to do?" he muttered to himself, not hearing the door open once more. In fact, he hadn't noticed Mr. Usami standing there until the door slammed closed.

Looking up, he fixed himself and coughed awkwardly.

"Ah, Mr. Usami" he said, "how may I help you?"

"We haven't talked in months. Not since our 'date'," Hakaru said, stepping towards him, "but you've looked upset for a long time. Mind telling me what's up?"

Daisuke took a deep breath.

"It's complicated."

"Oh, lord. You can tell me, you know?" Hakaru said, perching on the desk beside him, "I'm not totally useless."

Before Daisuke could protest, he spoke again, "it's that kid, isn't it?"

Tears welled up in Daisuke's eyes. Hakaru chuckled.

"You've always been far too sensitive, Daisuke. Ever since I first met you back in college."

"I can't help it," Daisuke cried, wiping his teary eyes and emitting a small whimper, "It's the way I am."

"He's never seen you like that, though. Has he?"

"No. Like I said to you before, Goro is sensitive. Yet, he's surprisingly stronger than I am."

After a few seconds silence, Hakaru let out a small sigh.

"The thing about dating younger men is that they aren't ready to commit. They want to sleep around, sow their wild oats so to say."

Daisuke nodded, "I guess we were like that once, too."

"Uhuh. You get to an age where you have to make a decision. Do you want to be alone, with no one? Or do you want to settle down and get married. My issue is, I get along better with men than I do women."

"How is that an issue?" Daisuke asked, wiping at his eyes again. Hakaru chuckled.

"Because I can't marry a guy here in Japan."

"What are you saying?" Daisuke blinked.

"I'm saying…we're both getting to an age where we have to make that awkward decision," he took a hold of Daisuke's hand, squeezing it gently, "and I am attracted to you."

"I still don't quite understand."

"I'm saying we should emigrate and get married."

"HUH?!"

"It's not like we're strangers, and that kid isn't interested in you. Waiting for him would be a waste of your time," Hakaru said, cracking his neck. He was being so casual about it, meanwhile Daisuke felt ill with nerves. He wasn't sure if he felt the same but was masking it, or he really didn't give a shit. Nonetheless, Daisuke found himself …thinking about his offer.

"I don't expect you to give me an answer here and now. Think about it, while keeping in mind that Goro will never be your husband."

"I know he won't…" Daisuke said, "after all, he has a girlfriend now."

"He does?"

"Yeah. She's coming to visit today," Daisuke sighed.

"Ah, that's why you are so emotional," Hakaru nodded, sitting up and patting Daisuke's shoulder, "I think being with you would make me very happy, Daisuke. However, please don't just agree to marry me because he doesn't want you. We have to be willing to make it work."

"I will think about it some," Daisuke said, standing up with him.

"Thank you."

With that, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Daisuke's cheek, "I will be waiting patiently for your response."

He left then, leaving Daisuke stood in the middle of the classroom, still feeling his lips on his cheek – and feeling utterly shocked. Would emigrating with Hakaru make him happy? Was that the correct decision to make?

He sighed, leaning against the desk once more.

"I'm too tired for this shit."

Later that evening, it was finally time to head home. Admittedly, he took the long way home. A part of Daisuke didn't want to go home at all. However, he knew how much it meant to Goro for him to be there. Twisting the key in the lock, he could hear a female giggling almost immediately. He closed his eyes, feeling a pain in his chest. Pushing open the door, he was greeted by Goro beaming brightly at him.

"Welcome home!" he said excitedly, "this is Jennifer. Jennifer, this is Daisuke!"

Jennifer bowed to him, "it's lovely to meet you, Daisuke. You have a beautiful home."

"Oh, please!" Daisuke said, waving his hands around, "there's no need to be so formal, Jennifer."

"Your English is perfect!" she gasped, "much like Goro."

"I learned English when I was in high school, I never gave it up" Daisuke said, kicking off his shoes and following them into the living room. He hated to admit it but, she was even more gorgeous than her photos. Goro kept staring at her with love in his eyes. So much so, Daisuke could practically see the love hearts.

"So, Jennifer. Welcome to Japan" Daisuke said, sitting down on the couch. Goro and Jennifer sat on the opposite one, with Goro snaking his hand around her waist. Daisuke flinched.

"Thank you. It's so lovely to be here. I've always dreamed of visiting Japan, so when Goro invited me, I was thrilled."

She was social, someone to take him out of his shy shell.

"He speaks very highly of you, you know?" Jennifer continued, crossing her legs. She was wearing some GAP leggings and a comfortable jumper, so she was also fashionable. Her hair was tied up in a high, messy bun. Yet, it looked perfect. Daisuke emitted a small chuckle in response.

"It's true," she said, poking Goro's cheek softly, "I think he would be lost without you."

"Ah, I think he'd be fine," Daisuke said shyly.

"I would not," Goro huffed, "you saved my life, Daisuke. I owe you everything."

"You're young," Daisuke smiled, "give your everything to this young girl right here."

Goro seemed hurt by that comment, but Jennifer just giggled happily. The thought of being his everything made her delighted. As for Goro, he stared into Daisuke's eyes, lost. Why was he acting that way? Jennifer couldn't see it, but he knew Daisuke well enough to see he was annoyed. It was rare that Daisuke ever got annoyed, though. He only ever got slightly annoyed, and with small things. Like, when there was a traffic jam, he would gently bang his hands down onto his steering wheel, or if the rice was undercooked, he would sigh loudly.

In that moment, Goro could see the frustration in his old-teacher's eyes. He wanted to know what his problem was. Was Jennifer being here annoying to him? If so, he shouldn't have offered her to stay there with them.

"I'm sleepy," Jennifer yawned, "that flight was so long."

"I can show you to the room, if you want?" Goro smiled. She nodded, "it was lovely to meet you, Daisuke. I hope to see you more while I'm here."

"Of course," Daisuke nodded, watching them stand up. Goro glared at him before showing her to her room, which made Daisuke nervous. Had he been too obvious?

He stood up and made his way into the kitchen, filling a glass with water and sipping on it, attempting to cool his sick stomach. He felt like vomiting at the thought of them two being together. He hated it. Hearing Goro clear his throat, he turned to face him bravely. He would hold back, he would let Goro yell if he had to.

"What's up/"

"What's wrong with Jennifer?" Goro questioned crossly.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with her. Not at all."

"You're looking at her like you despise her or something!" Goro yelled.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Goro, but I don't hate her. I don't even know her."

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop talking to me like I'm a little kid. Like I'm a ticking timebomb ready to explode any second. I'm happy now, and I don't need it."

"Alright," Daisuke sighed, turning around and placing the cup in the dishwasher.

"You're doing it again," Goro said, stepping towards him, "I hate it so much, Daisuke. The way you talk to me like I'm sensitive or something. If you have something to say, I can take it. I found my mother's dead body, I can handle anything."

There it was again, those pains in his chest. He was hurting Goro without meaning to.

"I'm sorry, Goro. It's me. I'm the sensitive one," he spoke softly, bottom lip wobbling. He couldn't hold it in anymore, he had to cry.

"U-uh…Daisuke?" Goro gasped.

"I've tried so hard to keep it in. Do you have any idea what's been going through my mind these past few months since I saw you again?"

Goro pursed his lips, "you hate me, don't you?"

"Quite the opposite, kid."

"You-you love me?" Goro whispered.

"Bingo!" Daisuke cried, shoving his face in his hands, "fuck, I hate myself."

"Daisuke please don't…" Goro began, but he cut himself short, "why didn't you tell me that?"

"What's the use, hm? I'm ten years older than you. You don't feel the same way, you love Jennifer. You want to marry Jennifer. You want to have babies with Jennifer. I can't give you babies."

"It's not true!" Goro said, eyes welling with tears as well, "God dammit Daisuke, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"What isn't true?"

"I do love you, idiot!"

Daisuke's eyes widened.

"You're being so stupid, Daisuke. You're all I think about all day, every day. You saved my life, you are my life. I don't want to leave you, but I thought I had to. I love you so damn much!"

Daisuke couldn't respond, he just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, God. How could this happen?" he asked, wiping at his eyes, "I was so certain you didn't want me I tried to move on."

"I'm sorry that I put you in this position, Goro."

Goro didn't reply.

"But I think you should choose Jennifer. You obviously like her a lot."

"You're being stupid again…" Goro sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "I can't…I can't live without you, Daisuke."

"Don't say that. We both have options."

"Options?"

"You have Jennifer, and I have someone interested in me as well" Daisuke said.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"I hate that. I want to be with you. Badly."

"You can't just send the girl home, Goro. She came all this way to see you because she likes you a lot. At least give it a chance."

Goro huffed. Daisuke turned away from him. If he looked at him, he wouldn't be able to bear it. "

"Obviously our feelings aren't as strong as we thought, since we never confessed."

Another huff from Goro, this time, he sounded pained.

"Fine. You go out with whoever, and I'll stay with Jennifer. If that's what you really want. I thought you were better than this, Daisuke."

Hearing Goro storm off back to his room, Daisuke gripped onto the side of the countertop, watching his tear drops hit the surface.

"Please…don't go."