Drunk State

As morning sun beamed on my body through the curtains, I shifted and tried to move closer to Ayato, only to discover he is not in the bed. I was completely woken up out of my dazed sleep and headed straight into the shower to wash off all the extra smell from yesterday's event. I looked at myself in the mirror when I got out of the shower. Out of all the sleep I got yesterday, it feels like I had gotten the bare minimum.

"Justin?" Ayato called out.

I strolled out of the bathroom with a towel around my waist and a towel in hand. "Yes?" I questioned as I peeked over at him with my hair falling over my eyes, slightly damped as I continued to dry it.

"You're supposed to be in bed, so I can surprise you with breakfast" He motioned to the tray of food as he pouted.

God, what that pouting does to me, I felt myself blush as I glance back at the food. "Well that not my fault you were not in reach, so I woke up… Thank you."

A soft smile broke on his face as he started patting the bed next to where I laid. "Come eat, I made your favorites!"

"Okay, just give me a second to get dressed." I walked over to the draw, retrieving a new pair of boxers and sweatpants. Once I put them on, I climb back on the bed and smiled at him.

"Now eat, or do I have to feed you?" He giggled playfully.

I wanted to make up for that little time in the morning where I could have touched him and just feel his presence. "I want you to feed me, but I want you on my lap first."

Instantly he turned red, assuming he wasn't expecting that sort of response from me. "Okay you big baby" he mumbled and straddled me.

He started feeding me some chocolate strawberries and fluffy waffles with whip cream. Once I saw the whipped cream, I knew something was up. He knows what I thought about whip cream and the things I can do with it.

"What are you planning? Usually, you're opposed to whipped cream." I mentioned after I took another bite of the waffle.

"Why do you have to assume I am always up to something? I just wanted to wake you up with a delicious breakfast for how much you do for me. Even though I am a pain sometimes."

"You usually don't even want me near whip cream because of what I can do with it."

"Hush, it's just food" He hushed me and gave me another strawberry.

"Thank you Ayato." I frowned and trying to put the pieces together on why he brought me breakfast in bed. It is very unusual for this, even though it may be romantic but I know Ayato well enough to say he trying to do something else. If he wanted to be sweet he would have left the food downstairs.

"Huh? I didn't hear you…Are you still hungry? I've made plenty of food." He asked me as he took a bite himself.

I shook my head. "It's nothing. I don't want any more food. You, on the other hand, need to eat."

"Did I do something wrong again? I was just trying to make it up to you for last night." He sighed heavily on me looking at his fingers in his lap.

It all made sense now. I leaned back on the headboard looking at him, watching him carefully. "So that is what you are planning, hoping I wouldn't punish you?"

"Hoping you wouldn't be so mad at me. I just wanted to make you happy with me, even for a little," he spoke softly. God, what am I do with him and this self-doubt he has.

"I am happy with you. I always am. I might not physically look like it, but trust me I am" I tilted his head up so he can look at me and know I meant every single word.

He smiled and gave a slight chuckle, "I am really sorry about last night"

I pulled him closer to me so I can give him a light kiss and a hug. "It's fine. I just couldn't stop thinking about how much you made me suffer. But I promised I won't punish you."

He pushed back a bit away from me. "When did you promise that? I deserve to be punished. I should have never flirted with other men, especially in front of you, dressed like that."

"I promised that last night to myself. I know if I did punish you, I will end up regretting it." I slowly feared everything we worked on will go to loss.

"Okay," he fell slightly for a second. "I'm sorry still, I won't do it again, no matter how mad I get." Again, he is still pouting, god I want him right now still.

Yet I feel like there is more I have to get off my chest. "No, I need to give you more freedom, instead of keeping you here with me nearly all the time."

"That's not it at all! I didn't do that because I wanted more space. I did it because I wanted your attention." He quipped. Call us men stupid because I thought something else.

"I know but Lily was right. I have you all to myself and she barely sees you, you know." I glanced at him, seeing how he would react involving his best friend.

"So what! I'm a bit shut-in now. I love spending time with you. You make me feel special, especially the way when you become possessive of me." He said stroking my jaw.

I shook my head, pulling myself away from his soft hands. "I don't want you to feel like your imprisoned here with me."

"I don't feel like that at all! What can I do to make you feel better?" He said nervously and seriously.

I opened my mouth to give him a way of proving it, but I closed it. Then I tried again, "Nothing, don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it." I sighed leaning back on the bed.

"I'm so tired of you starting to say something then change your mind," He said roughly. Seem like someone feel frustrated as I have been the previous night.

I chuckled slightly and looked at you with a serious glare. "Doesn't it seem frustrating? Starting something that you can't finish, doesn't it ring a bell?"

He quickly made eye contact with me, staring at me for a second. "What? When did I do that?" He pouted.

"You don't remember yesterday? When we came back upstairs and I was finally able to fuck you." I said a bit aggressively.

"But… Oh... When I said you couldn't come inside of me? I am sorry! I was already so full and I thought you were going to put the plug back in me!" He yelled at me, lightly hitting my chest.

"But hey, I let you off the hook, since I know I would be pissed at you."

"Why are you holding back on me? I am not as fragile as you think I am, you know." God if he did not stop frowning and pouting I might just give it to him.

Growling slightly and tensing up I told him, "What I wanted to do to you, you will regret even asking for me to tell you, or even think it. Trust me."

"I am not a child! I am so sick of saying it all the time" He yelled at me.

"If I did want I wanted yesterday, you will be in pain. And I'm not talking about sexual pain" I mumbled lowly, but enough for him to hear me.

"Tell me what you were going to do." I didn't miss the hint of nervousness when he asked that.

"No… I regret even thinking of it. Just know you wouldn't enjoy it and neither will I, now that I am saner." I kept shaking my head trying to calm down before I snap. I don't know why I felt like I will snap, but I just did. Did it have to do with him keep pushing, probably?

"Justin, why can't you ever be honest with me? You're always keeping things from me" he yelled at me, and he quickly got up from off of me and walked over the door.

I felt it. It was like a stick that was holding myself together in me, just broke apart. For once, I am glad he was not in my lap because I feared what would happen after I spoke. "I wanted to chain you up and whip you. Whip you so freaking hard, you will feel the blood in your body reach the surface, close enough but not to the point your bleeding. I will make you so hard, and you will beg me to help you come, just to leave you there, frustrated…." I trailed off as I clenched my fist so hard, my nails were bound to make my palm bleed.

"I - I think I am going to Lily's for a bit." He quickly said, moving around the room quickly my brain did not even register that he was a foot out the door, about to head for the front door.

I quickly got out the bed, when I realized what was happening and walked down the stairs. I stopped a couple of feet behind him, "So now you're scared of me? And you're leaving me?" Disbelief flashed through me, I am really done for. I fucked up.

"No… I'm not leaving you. I promised I will make it to the end of your list, and I am not backing down now. I just need to spend time with people who don't get hard every time they see me." He told me. So I guess there was hope?

I laughed absentminded. He is not leaving me but he is now. The one time, I actually need him without sex would be now, and he is leaving me. What a joke I end up in. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and a bottle of tequila. I filled the glass up to the rim and drunk the entire thing. I heard him say something, but unclear of what it was I said "Okay". Seconds later the door closed, I grabbed another bottle and the glass I drunk from, heading straight into my office. Lucky, came prancing in the room, but I think my mood affected him because he stopped prancing and sat at my foot.

I started to work on some things that I put on hold for our relationship. Now I guess it is time to get it down. After a while, I got a message from Ayato telling me he was spending the night. All I can do was reply with another ok.

Since I really can't get drunk, cause of that stupid thing I took before I downed my shot tequila, I messaged Neil, my head bodyguard to keep bring me more bottles until I tell him to stop. Any way to fill his hole in my body, and the need to just hold Ayato.